


A+ Student

by CaliKayeTylers



Category: the GazettE
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Everyone's scared of Uruha, M/M, Reita just loves cars, Teacher-Student Relationship, These preppy rich bitches, Uruha is a mean girl, Use of Real Names, this is all very cliche
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-21
Updated: 2019-09-14
Packaged: 2020-03-09 06:37:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 65,941
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18911563
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaliKayeTylers/pseuds/CaliKayeTylers
Summary: In which Kai, Aoi, Uruha, and Reita attend a prestigious private college and get a new literature professor.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone!!!! I'm back on my Kaiki bullshit again! This story was an idea I had that won't leave my head so I decided to work on it alongside the sequel to How We Came To Be. I'm not sure how frequent updates will happen but I'll try not to keep you waiting too long. Also, yes this first chapter is a bit short. Consider it a teaser of sorts!! The next ones will be longer! Please let me know what you think!

CHAPTER ONE

 

“Where is Kou? It's not like him to be late to the first class of the year. He likes to make a good first impression.”

 

Yutaka had been wondering the same thing. Usually their tall, blond friend was the first one to be in class. It gave him more time to let everyone fawn over him. And they did. Every new student wanted to know Kouyou and he loved the attention. So where was he?

 

Yuu stretched his thin arms above his head, long raven hair swishing against his back. “He text me this morning. Apparently we have a new professor and he thought his time would be better spent getting his nails done. He’ll be here later so we can meet up.”

 

“Of course he did. I forgot about that email about the new teacher. Maybe we should have skipped out too. What are the chances that they’re even going to remember to check the attendance later? I could be out washing my car right now.” Akira groaned, lounging back in his seat. 

 

Yuu scoffed. “You and your damn cars.” He muttered, laying his head down on the desk. 

 

“Are you jealous Princess? Do I need to make more time in my schedule for you?”

 

Yutaka rolled his eyes, electing to ignore the two idiots. One time five years ago Yuu had drunkenly admitted that Akira was ‘kinda hot’ and now he’d never live it down. It was only a joke. Yuu only had eyes for a certain brunette across the hallway. Kazuki could only be called a socialite. His parents owned a cosmetics company based out of Miami and their son was basically the face of the company. And Yuu was head over heels in love with him. Yutaka was just thankful that Kazuki felt the same way about his friend. He couldn’t even imagine the amount of whining the raven would do otherwise. Looking at the two of them honestly made Yutaka feel a bit envious though. He’d never seen two people more in love. Maybe someday someone would look at him that way too. 

 

Akira on the other hand though into both men and women, didn’t date. Sure he had his fair share of flings, to be fair he wasn’t hard on the eyes, but never anything serious. He had always been into cars and now he bought and sold them for other individuals who loved them just as much. They really were a weird bunch weren’t they?

 

While the idiots were still bickering, Yutaka looked around the lecture hall out of boredom. The class was rather full, maybe forty to fifty students, fairly big for an advanced literature class. Just when he was about to lean back and close his eyes the door of the hall opened and a shorter man came in immediately spilling books and papers all over the floor. No one said anything but no one moved to help him either. Poor guy. 

 

Yutaka was amused though. This guy...he was his type. Small and cute. His hair was just past his shoulders, an ombre of black to brownish blond. He couldn’t see the other’s eyes, hidden behind thick, black rimmed glasses. He was quite adorable though wasn’t he? He must have been a fairly new student, Yutaka knew a lot of the students here since he was in his fourth ye- What the fuck?!

 

He watched as the smaller guy collected his papers and walked over to the desk at the front of the lecture hall. This was their new professor???

 

“What the hell? This little midget is supposed to be our teacher?” Yuu laughed quietly from beside him. 

 

It seemed like every student had stopped whatever they were doing to stare at the obviously nervous man. But unlike Yuu, Yutaka could only stay silent, feeling his heart do an unnecessary flip inside his chest. 

 

Under their scrutiny the professor bent the mic down so he could reach it and cleared his throat. He looked positively terrified when he looked up to the room. Yutaka watched the paper in his hand tremble. 

 

“H-hi. Hello.” He started, voice surprisingly deep and soft. He kept his eyes trained on the paper before him and Yutaka caught himself wishing they'd sat closer. “I am...m- my name is Takanori Matsumoto. I've uh, lived here for four months and moved here from Tokyo where I taught for three years. Welco- welcome to advanced world literature. Today I'd li-” 

 

The professor finally looked up, his words coming to a halt as his eyes scanned the room. He was visibly shaken even from their viewpoint. 

 

“I...We will start with a few simple readings from your book. P-page 36. Please make sure to have them read by the next class period. Thank you.” 

 

Before anyone could even move, Matsumoto had grabbed his stacks of books and papers and disappeared into the office adjoining the lecture hall, surely locking it behind him. The poor guy….

 

“Well, I think we'll pass this class easy enough.” Akira snarked. “Kou was right, we should have just skipped this one. You guys ready to go? I don't have any other classes today.”

 

Yuu shook his head. “Me either. Will you drop me at the apartment so I can get my car? I’m taking Kazuki out for an early lunch once he’s done with his class. Yuta? What about you?”

 

“I have one more class in about a couple hours. I’m just going to hang out here then go. I’ll catch up with you guys later this evening.” He answered, gathering his bag to follow the others out of the hall. A part of him was worried, forcing him to glance back towards the office door. Would Matsumoto be okay? What was he even doing hiding in there? Certainly this wasn’t a positive way to start the semester. Maybe he could...circle back and find him before the next class started?

 

“Good old Yutaka, studying before classes even get started. You’re going to be such a good surgeon.” Akira joked, knocking his shoulder. 

 

“Yeah, yeah. You guys go have fun. Say hi to Kazi for me and go find Kouyou before he spends the whole day at the spa again.”

 

_______

 

It wasn’t until after his last class that Yutaka was able to circle back around to his Lit class. Unfortunately all he found was a locked door. Why did he feel so disappointed? Deciding he would just wait to see what happened during the next class, Yutaka started for his car, cutting through campus to get to the parking lot. A curiously familiar mop of brunette hair caught his attention in the corner of the courtyard though, bringing a smile to his lips. He was still here? Yutaka made his way over to where the smaller man was sitting by himself, nose buried so deep in a book he didn’t even notice he was no longer alone. 

 

“Rough first day?” 

 

For the first time Matsumoto actually looked at him and the sight was...breathtaking yet heartbreaking. Soft olive eyes were rimmed in red and his cheeks had stains from trails of tears. He’d been crying? The professor quickly turned his head away, wiping at his face with the sleeve of his suit jacket. 

 

“Ah, you could say that. I apologize.” He said, standing and offering his hand. Fuck he really was tiny. Hell Yutaka could easily see the top of his head. “I’m Takanori Matsumoto. Literature professor.”

 

Yutaka smiled, accepting his hand and shaking it. “Nice to meet you.”

 

“Are you a teacher here too?”

 

“No, oh no. I’m actually in your lit class. My names Yutaka Tanabe.”

 

Eyes went wide and the professor actually blushed. “Oh...so you witnessed...this morning. Do you need me to sign your transfer papers? I’ve already signed a few. I don’t mind. Actually I understand.” He asked, holding his hand out.

 

Yutaka frowned. Students had already asked to transfer out of his class? That must have been  _ such  _ a confidence boost for him. “No, I don’t want to transfer out of your class. It was only the first day. I’m sure things will get better after this. Can I sit down with you?”

 

Now it was Matsumoto’s turn to look confused. “Um, sure. I guess. Are you sure you don’t want to transfer? I’m fairly certain there will be enough complaints that I won’t be here much longer anyway. This morning was a disaster. I’m just...my old classes were like eight students at most and today I just looked up and there were so many of you that I just panicked. I’m not usually this incapable.” He admitted, sitting back down and closing his book. 

 

Yutaka took the seat opposite him, setting his own books down. “I don’t doubt that. I mean, I can understand why a class like this would be intimidating. You just need a bit of a confidence boost when you walk through that door tomorrow. I think I can help you. If you’ll let me.”

 

“Why would you want to help me? You don’t even know me.”

 

Okay that was a fair point and honestly Yutaka didn’t even have an answer for him. 

 

“Well, I would like to actually enjoy my class. And-” He paused, leaning forward a bit. “I don’t like seeing you cry.”

 

The other turned his face away again but Yutaka could see the heat rising in his cheeks. 

 

“I don’t mean to embarrass you. I’m just being honest. What could it hurt to let me try?”

 

Matsumoto narrowed his eyes, crossing his arms over his chest. “Tell me about you first. Shouldn’t I at least know who I’m dealing with?”

 

Yutaka smirked. “Not very adventurous then?”

 

“I’m...cautious. Not boring!”

 

“I never said you were boring. You’re so defensive.” He teased, earning him another round of blush to that cute face. “This is my last year here before I move on to medical school. I’ve already been accepted into one of the best in the country. I’m aiming to be a surgeon like my father. But you don’t want to hear all that boring stuff right Takanori?”

 

“It’s Prof-”

 

“Right. So my secrets...I love music and horror movies. And in case you’re wondering, my ideal idea of a first date does in fact involve the beach and a beautiful sunset.”

 

A scoff. “I did  _ not  _ ask about your idea of a first date. You’re going to be a surgeon? That is interesting though. Are you doing that because it’s...expected, or because it’s what you want?”

 

“Both I think. I mean I’ve always looked up to my father so I guess it was just natural. My parents never forced me into it if that’s what you’re wondering. No. This is something I want to do. But the other part of me loves reading and poetry and music. So I guess those are my hobbies.” As he spoke the look on his professor’s face softened and the ghost of a smile appeared on his full lips. It suited him. Maybe flirty wasn't the way to go here. “You said in class you've only lived here for four months? Why did you decide to move away from Tokyo?”

 

That put a light back in his eyes. Takanori still very much loved his home it seemed. “I was actually invited at the end of last year to come teach here. So I swear I'm not as horrible at this as I seemed this morning. I'm actually from Kanagawa though. My father wanted me to be an accountant. But I think now he's not too upset by my chosen profession. I too find solace in words and music. It's where I feel at home so having the chance to teach others to find that place feels good you know? That's what I want after all. Just to share my place of peace.”

 

“I appreciate the way you phrase that. I understand it. I mean my life is nothing to complain about but that doesn't mean I don't still enjoy the occasional escape of reading or the release of emotion from writing. I feel it's the simplest form of expression. Even in music, no matter the genre it's all the same, letting out the words in your head.”

 

“Exactly. This is why I like to teach the advanced classes like yours. By the time the students get here they just... get it. I usually  feel comfortable around them because of that similar mindset. Today just wasn't great.”

 

Yutaka tried to offer him a smile. “Well there's always tomorrow right? Why don't we try and make it a little better?”

 

Now a full on smile grew on Takanori's face and Yutaka felt a bit blessed just to see it. He really was gorgeous. 

 

“Alright. I give. How can you help me have the confidence to face the massive hoard of students in that hall tomorrow?”

 

“Well.” Yutaka started, leaning back in his chair to look over his professor. “Maybe you’ll do better if you feel more comfortable. No one feels good looking like they’re going to a funeral. So let’s start with attire?”

 

Takanori honestly looked offended. “What’s wrong with my clothes? I’m a teacher. I have to look professional.” He muttered, straightening his tie a bit. 

 

It took every ounce of self control Yutaka had not to laugh at his cute little gestures. “True, but this isn’t Japan Taka.”

 

“Don’t call me- Don’t call me that around anyone else okay?”

 

Ah so he was warming up to him after all? 

 

“Don’t worry. Just between you and me. So here in America our professors don’t normally wear suits. I mean some do but usually only the ones who think overly highly of themselves. And you’re a literature professor. No one expects you to be normal. So tell me truthfully, do you feel comfortable in these clothes?”

 

For the first time since their meeting Takanori actually chuckled and Yutaka believed his heart was about to burst from his chest. Maybe hanging around his professor was actually bad for his health? 

 

“No. I don’t. I feel like I’m trying to impersonate my father. I would never wear this normally.” He admitted. “What do you think would look good on me though? To wear as a teacher? This is all I’ve ever worn.”

 

_ How about nothing? That would look good. _

 

“Hmm, some tighter jeans first of all. You like music, so maybe a band shirt and a vest? Something cute.” He answered nonchalantly. 

 

“Something cute? Aren’t I too old for that?”

 

Yutaka feigned shock. “You’re kidding me right? You’re tiny and adorable. You’ll be able to pull off cute until you’re eighty. Don’t worry about that.”

 

That blush was creeping into Takanori’s cheeks again but this time he didn’t turn away. “O-okay, well I guess I should maybe go shopping then.” He said, gathering his things to leave. 

 

“Wait. Hold on a second I’m not done.” He waited until the other was seated again. “Tomorrow when you walk into class, find me. Make eye contact with some of the other students but end with me. I promise just knowing there is someone there rooting for you will help. Anytime you get nervous just look for me. I’ll help you. Okay?”

 

Takanori just blinked at him for a few seconds obviously trying to understand why someone was going to so much effort to help him, but Yutaka was happy he didn’t ask, because he didn’t...have an answer yet. 

 

“Okay. I...I’m not going to ask why you’re doing this. If it’s some kind of trick or something. Because I need the help. So I’m just going to take it and say thank you. You’re a weird kid Yutaka.” He said, hoisting his bag up onto his shoulder. 

 

“Kid? You’re only a couple years older than me grandpa.”

 

Another beautiful laugh fell from those lips and Yutaka knew he was in trouble already. 

 

“I’ll see you tomorrow Mr. Tanabe.”

 

“Tomorrow Taka.”

  
  
  
  



	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm kind of obsessed so at least for now chapters will probably be updated fairly quickly. I'm also more than likely going to stick with the 3-4k length for this fic.   
> Oh! Another thing I wanted to say real quick because I've been pestered about this before. Yes I've written Ruki very timid and as kind of a weak character. It's OKAY. :) But if you don't like that, then please move on to the next fic.   
> Anyway, here's chapter 2!!

Take two. 

 

It was raining. And not just raining, cheeky romance flick, kiss in the rain, downpour. In other words, it was perfect. Takanori loved rainy days like this, when the sky was grey and the city around him had this melancholy feel to it. Plus even amongst the skyscrapers and taxis the rain still managed to smell fresh, giving him the feeling that he could start over. Today was a new day and he was going to conquer it. 

 

Biting his bottom lip, Takanori dug at the carpet of his bedroom with his toes. He’d gone shopping yesterday afternoon just like he’d said, picking out a few outfits that he thought would make him feel more comfortable standing in front of all those students. Now he just had to decide...which one Yutaka would li- Which one to wear. Did he go with the one his student had suggested? Or one he’d come up with on his own? Too many choices. And in the back of his mind he was still a tad anxious about all of this. What if the dean didn’t appreciate such casual attire? Surely he wouldn’t be fired over clothing right? 

 

His anxieties were getting the better of him...again. 

 

No. Not this time. He wasn’t going to let his backwards brain make a mess of things this time. And hopefully Yutaka could help him with this too. 

 

Yutaka. 

 

He posed a whole new problem, didn’t he? Takanori would be lying to himself if he said the student hadn’t had some kind of...effect on him. He was...different. Smart. Kind of funny. And maybe he was just a little bit attractive. Not that it mattered obviously, but maybe it wouldn’t hurt to at least have a student that didn’t hate him. He would just have to make sure everything between them was kept professional. That shouldn’t be too hard, right?

 

Blowing out a breath through pursed lips, he finally decided on the outfit Yutaka chose and got dressed. Maybe he even curled the ends of his hair a little more than normal and put on a little makeup around his eyes. There was no reason he couldn’t look good after all. And he did look good. Takanori would admit that himself. 

 

The bus ride to the college was nerve wracking. Every minute he sat there was just another minute for his head to think up every possible scenario that could go wrong when he entered that lecture hall. His palms were already starting to sweat as he opened the front door to the arts building. Maybe he should get some water before class…

 

_ Get your shit together Taka!!  _ He berated himself, reaching for the door handle. This was it. Either he pulled this off or he’d definitely have to be finding himself a new job. So instead of letting the panic take over, he took a deep breath and opened the door. At least this time he didn’t immediately trip and send all of his papers flying. No, he squared his shoulders and looked up, making his way to the podium in the center of the hall before lifting his eyes to look around the room. The initial shock of seeing all of his new students hit him once again like a brick to the face but Takanori willed his heartbeat to slow down as he searched the room. 

 

And there he was. Just in the center of the room about six rows up. Takanori had to keep himself from smiling but Yutaka didn't. He offered him a thumbs up and a inconspicuous wink along with that slight grin. Honestly Takanori hadn't expected this to work at all, but the moment they made eye contact his entire body cooled down, his mind coming to a stand still like it wanted to pay attention now. 

 

The other students watched him curiously, more than likely expecting him to bolt from the to again. That wasn't going to happen. No, he laid his arms along the edges of the podium comfortably and gave them all the smile he wanted to give only Yutaka. 

 

“So.” He started, catching their attention further. “Yesterday huh? Can we all just collectively agree to pretend that didn't happen?” 

 

A round of 'yeah, yes, hell yes’ went through the room and Takanori wiped at his forehead dramatically. 

 

“I thank you for your cooperation. Now, let's start this again and get things rolling, shall we?” 

 

_________

 

“I was hoping that you were a creature of habit. Looks like I was right.” 

 

Takanori eyes snapped up to the smiling face beside him and his heart leapt into his throat. He’d found him again? 

 

“Yutaka? You were looking for me?”

 

“Of course. Here, I brought you something.” He said, placing a small, rather frilly looking, take out box on the table in front of him. 

 

Curious, Takanori ignored the way his stomach seemed to flip when Yutaka sat down beside him instead of across the table this time, and pulled the bow apart that held the box together. Inside was a small two layer cake with white frosting and fresh pieces of sliced kiwi on top. It read ‘Happy First Day’ in blue icing too. 

 

“This...you bought this for me?” He muttered, unable to take his eyes from the sweet dessert. 

 

Yutaka chuckled. “Mhm. You deserve something to celebrate after the way you handled the class today. I have to admit I was impressed, and I think the rest of the class was too. I hope you don’t mind chocolate cake. I couldn’t decide which you would like better. But I got a small one just in case you were one of those people who sticks to a diet or something...”

 

Takanori wanted to kiss him. And not just to shut him up. This was honestly the nicest thing anyone had ever done for him. “No, no Yutaka it’s perfect. Thank you.” He paused for a moment, taking in the grin on the other’s face. His longish dark brown hair fell into his eyes a bit and Takanori had to stop himself from brushing it away. “Um, will you share it with me? I don’t want to keep it all to myself after you were so nice to bring it for me.”

 

The brunette’s smile faltered just a bit. “Oh, that’s okay. I mean it’s for you after all. And I only brought one fork so...you just let me know if it’s good, alright?” 

 

He rolled his eyes at that. “We can share. As long as you don’t mind my germs. Here let me cut a piece.” Takanori took the fork from inside the box as he flattened it out on the table. It was a bit messy but he managed to get a piece cut off and laid flat. It was almost a shame to eat such a pretty thing, but that didn’t stop him from taking a bite anyway. He did love cake after all. The sweet chocolate filled his mouth and he hummed a small moan. Yeah, he was gonna have to find out where this was from because he needed about ten more of them. 

 

“Oh my god Yutaka this is so good… Here, try it.” Takanori said, holding a bite out to his student on the fork before he realized what he was doing. “Oh, I- sorry. Here.” He tried to hand the utensil off but Yutaka just smiled and leaned down to take the bite from him. 

 

“Mmm you’re right. It’s heavenly. I just love chocolate.” Yutaka answered, his eyes closed. 

 

Takanori knew his mouth was hanging open, fork suspended in midair in shock. Had Yutaka really just done  _ that _ ? What was he thinking? When those deep brown eyes opened again he smiled, putting a finger under Takanori’s chin and pushing his mouth shut. 

 

“You’ll catch flies like that you know.” He chuckled, taking the fork from his hand to get another bite of cake. “I’m glad you took my advice on clothes. You look really good today.”

 

Takanori just managed to shake himself back to reality to catch the end of that. “Ah, you have pretty good fashion advice. I’ll admit I do feel better like this. Hey, can I ask you something? Something kind of personal?” He asked, stealing his fork for more cake now that he was a bit more relaxed. 

 

Yutaka eyed him curiously but nodded. “Sure. What's on your mind?”

 

“That...blond guy who was sitting beside you today...is he your...uh-”

 

“Boyfriend?” He chuckled. “No. He and the other two sat beside us are my best friends. We've been in school together all our lives. Why? Might you be jealous?” 

 

Takanori scoffed, waving his hand dismissively before taking another bite. “Of course not. I'm your teacher Yutaka. I was only wondering. He just looks kind of...high maintenance.” Psh. Him? Jealous?

 

Totally. 

 

“Ah. Well that's true enough. Kouyou has always been like that though. I guess we've all just grown accustomed to it. His father owns this school you know? Kou isn't a bad guy, but he can be pretty vicious if crossed. Just stay on his good side.” Yutaka finished with a sort of sarcastic sounding laugh. 

 

“I’ll try to remember that.”

 

“Good. Well, you finish your cake. I’ve got to head home. I’ll see you Monday, yeah?”

 

Takanori nodded. “Yep. Don’t be skipping class on me.”

 

That dimpled grin was back, making his chest tight. “I wouldn’t dare.” He teased, picking up his bag to leave. 

 

“Wait. Yutaka, do those friends of yours know that you were helping me?”

 

_ Why the hell do I even care? _

 

“They...don’t. And I’d like to keep it that way if it’s okay with you.”

 

Of course. He’d already said one of his friends could be rather mean, so why would he want to tell them he was helping their teacher? Yutaka would probably never hear the end of it. They’d definitely make fun of him. Takanori didn’t want that. He was too grateful for the other’s help. 

 

“Ah, no I understand. I won’t let anyone know. I promise. Your secret is safe with me.”

 

Yutaka’s eyes narrowed on him, his lips pursed. “Taka it’s not because of you. I’m not ashamed to be friends with you if that’s what you’re thinking. I just don’t want my friends to come after you. They aren’t always the nicest people and I’d hate to see them make your life miserable because of me. So let’s just keep it  _ our  _ secret for now. I’ll see you Monday.”

 

Before Takanori could even process the fact that Yutaka seemed to know just what his anxieties were dreaming up, his student had disappeared out of the courtyard. Had he really just...called him a friend? What kind of senior college student wanted to be friends with their professor? Yutaka was so confusing. Doing as he was told, he finished the last few bites of cake before packing up his trash and books. That’s when he noticed a book that was not his laying on the opposite side of the table. Yutaka had left his book?

 

Almost nervously, he picked it up. He was studying the Divine Comedy huh? Though he knew he shouldn’t, Takanori flipped through the pages of the book until he came to the bookmark. It was a flier for some live show happening...tonight in the inner city. Would Yutaka attend that? Would his friends be with him? More importantly, should he take the book to him? He could decide once he got home, right? 

 

And that was how he ended up sitting on his sofa staring at Dante's work trying to decide if he was stupid enough to actually go to some random venue to deliver a book that he knew damn well Yutaka didn't need. But he  _ wanted  _ too. That was the problem. He just wanted to see his student again. 

 

With a heavy sigh Takanori grabbed his bag, slipping Yutaka’s book inside before leaving his apartment. From the flyer he knew the show was supposed to start at eight so he still had time since it was just now six o’clock. The bus ride was longer than expected though, he’d arrive just before seven. The city at this time of night looked different to him. Darker and less inviting. Takanori hadn’t been to this part of town before and he was starting to wonder if maybe this wasn’t a good idea for him to be alone. 

 

“Is this area safe?” He asked the bus driver. There were only three other people on his bus so he’d stuck towards the front. 

 

“Believe it or not, yes. A lot of people come down to this venue. You shouldn’t have anything to worry about. Are you meeting up with friends?”

 

“Hopefully. Thank you.” The driver gave him a small salute before opening the door for him. The venue was only a couple blocks away and Takanori wasn’t too proud to admit he ran down the sidewalk towards the bright lights. He could see the line of people outside as he neared the building, as well as lights strung up along street posts giving the area a more warm appearance. Many people smiled at him as he walked down the line, scanning for a familiar face. He had his bag clutched to his chest, hoping to keep his heart from exploding out onto the pavement. The building itself seemed old, maybe a warehouse of some sorts, but the bricks outside were covered in posters and stickers, some graffiti poking through here and there. This was definitely not his scene. 

 

The feeling of being so out of place was making his stomach turn and suddenly the friendly faces turned into eyes watching him far too closely. Memories of when he was younger, lost in the maze of Tokyo's inner streets replayed through his mind until Takanori decided it was time to go home. Maybe Yutaka had never been here to begin with and he certainly shouldn't have come. 

 

Turning on his heel he ducked his head and started back towards the bus stop. The driver had told him they stopped by here every fifteen to twenty minutes on Friday and Saturday nights so he wouldn't have to wait too long before heading back to the safety of his apartment. 

 

“Matsumoto? Hey, Takanori!” 

 

The sweet voice from behind him had Takanori stopping in his tracks. No, he'd already given up. He needed to go home. But then a hand was on his shoulder and he quickly shrank away from the touch, turning to face just the man he was searching for. 

 

“Hey I'm sorry I didn't mean to scare you. Are you alright? What are you doing here?” Yutaka asked, his eyes seeming to scan over Takanori's entire body like he was checking for injuries.

 

“I...I'm sorry. You didn't scare me I'm just jumpy. I don't like being touched from- nevermind.” He stopped, catching himself before he spilled something he couldn't take back. To change the subject he pulled the book from his bag and held it towards Yutaka. “You left your book! Uh at the table earlier. I thought you might need it so I…”

 

Yutaka smiled, his eyes seeming to shine from under the brim of a black hat. He'd changed clothes too. Into a simple long sleeved black shirt and dark jeans that hugged his legs in a way that had Takanori thinking very inappropriately. “You came all the way here just to give this back to me? How did you even know I'd be here?”

 

“The flyer? In the book. I just thought maybe you'd be here. I know, it's stupid. I should have just waited and given it back next week. I'm sorry to have interrupted your evening.”

 

“Taka you're not interrupting anything. Thank you for bringing this to me.”

 

Takanori nodded his head, fidgeting with the sleeves of his jacket. “Y- you're welcome. I should be going now. The bus will be here s-”

 

“Why don't you stay and watch the show with me? None of my friends wanted to come so I'd love to have some company. And I think you'll like the band. They're very theatrical. Come on, the doors are opening already. Get in line with me.” Before he could respond Yutaka was already grabbing his hand and pulling him into the throng of people that had started moving towards the door. Part of him wanted to protest but the part that held Yutaka's much larger hand wanted to stay just where he was. 

 

“Are you sure? I mean I've never been to a concert before. I'll probably just be annoying.” He stated honestly. They were only a few feet from the door now and Yutaka was handing money over to a guy who in exchange handed him two tickets. 

 

“Here. This one's yours.” He answered, handing one of the tickets off to him. “And I'm sure. This will be fun. You gotta live a little right?”

 

“You didn't have to buy my ticket. I do have money you know.” Takanori insisted as he was pulled further into the venue. The inside was quite spacious but also very...dark. The floor beneath his feet was shiny black, reflecting the multicolored lights from the stage. Yutaka pushed him forward until he had no choice but to grab hold of the metal barricade in front for the tall stage. 

 

“It's fine though. You can pay next time, how about that? See this is the best spot, just off center. You can see everything. Don't worry I'll stay behind you so no one smashes your tiny self into the bars. You've really never been to a concert huh? Even back in Tokyo?” 

 

It was difficult to pay attention to whatever Yutaka was prattling on about when he was standing  _ so close _ . “I uh, no. I didn't really have to much of a life outside of school to be honest. The freaky quiet kid doesn't get invited to the party, you know? The one time I was invited...I decided that wasn't my thing.”

 

He could hear the frown in Yutaka's voice when he spoke and a strong hand squeezed his arm for a moment. “Well they missed out then. But...and I won't ask what happened, but just from the way you tensed up talking about it, whatever happened, I'm sorry.”

 

The sincerity in his voice  _ hurt _ . No one had ever said a word. No one had tried to comfort him even after the whole ordeal had happened and yet Yutaka didn't even know and he still felt sorry. This guy was seriously chipping away at Takanori's heart with a sledgehammer.  “You have nothing to be sorry for.” He replied, patting his student's hand where it rest on the barricade. “Everyone has their history. I'm just trying to make the future better. That's what we're doing here right?”

 

“Exactly. So in a not so inconspicuous way to change the subject for you, tell me about moving here. Or about where you loved in Japan. What was it like coming here?” 

 

It was just so….easy to talk to Yutaka. He actually listened while Takanori talked and in turn he learned more about his student too. Probably more than he should know considering they were supposed to be keeping a professional relationship. And to be honest he was probably divulging too much information to him as well. He just couldn’t make himself stop. It was far too nice to have someone listen for once. And maybe...just maybe he  _ wanted  _ to know more about Yutaka. Besides talking made the hour fly by before the house lights went out. 

  
  
  



	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wooo I made it to chapter 3!! Thank you everyone that's been reading. You all are so sweet. I hope you enjoy this one!!

Everything was going so much better than Yutaka had expected. Not that he could have anticipated his professor showing up here to begin with, but his presence was more than welcome. And now they were so close. Yutaka had to lean down a bit to be able to hear him over the din of voices filling the venue but Takanori didn't seem to notice or didn't care. Either way, he wasn't complaining. He kept one hand on the barricade next to the other man's, close but not close enough, while they spoke and Takanori became more animated the more they talked. 

 

He found out Takanori had gone to a private school too for most of his grade school years until something he would only refer to as 'the incident’ happened with some of his classmates his junior year. After that he'd been homeschooled until starting university. He'd moved to Tokyo and decided after his first year to take classes towards being an English teacher. Apparently the decision to break away from his father's path of accounting was more due to mental health than personal preference. 

 

Takanori had anxiety. Bad. The one class he'd taken towards an accounting degree had left him a mess. The thought that one small mistake could cost someone so much left him not sleeping and panicking during class. He couldn't endure thinking about what he could possibly mess up for other people. And things were always changing. The lack of consistency only added to the problem. Eventually he flunked out of the class and barely left his dorm room. It had been his English professor that pulled him out of his funk and assured him that he didn't  _ have  _ to follow in his father's footsteps. The next day Takanori had gone to his advisor and changed his whole plan for school. A few years later he was graduating and feeling better than he had about himself in more years than he could count. 

 

Yutaka loved hearing Takanori talk about himself. Loved seeing, even in this dim light, how passionate the smaller man was about his work. He let slip that the reason his first day pissed him off so much was because his classroom was the only place he ever felt relaxed, like he could breathe. The more he spoke the more Yutaka felt his chest grow tight. He was already so whipped for this man. Especially when he kept pausing in his story to ask Yutaka about his own life and family. He told Takanori about his father and his mother being an attorney. About certain moments in his life, some he'd never even told his friends. It was different, telling Takanori all these things compared to his friends. He didn't judge him or laugh at him. He just...listened, and Yutaka was fairly sure the conversation could have gone on forever if the house lights hadn't gone off and created a shift in the professor's mood. 

 

The second the room was plunged into darkness Tanakori went silent, his shoulders hunching forward, body stiff. The hand on the barricade moved on top of Yutaka's and squeezed tight. He was scared, wasn't he? Afraid of being in the dark? Yutaka moved on autopilot, turning his hand over to give Takanori something to hold on to while he wrapped his other arm around his waist, fingers rubbing back and forth over his stomach. The smaller man pushed back against him, his free hand coming up to grip the arm that held him. 

 

“It's alright. Just close your eyes.” Yutaka whispered into his ear. “The lights will come on soon. Just hold on to me. Everything is fine.” He kept talking, keeping his voice calm, but he could feel Takanori trembling in his arms. 

 

“D-don't like dark.” Was the only thing he said, and Yutaka wasn't sure how to respond so he just kept telling him things were okay until the beginning beats of music flooded the venue and the stage lights came on to start the show. Slowly but eventually Takanori started to loosen up again, though his hand stayed where it was, fingers threaded through Yutaka's, the whole show. By the end he was smiling and laughing again which was all that mattered. He'd even got wound up enough to jump along with the crowd, though most of that just consisted of jumping on Yutaka's toes over and over. To him it was worth every bruise. Next time he’d just have to wear steel toed shoes. And there  _ would  _ be a next time, Yutaka was certain of that. 

 

“That….that was awesome!!!” Takanori exclaimed, not realizing how loud his voice was. Yutaka couldn't help but laugh. He obviously couldn't hear and it was sort of cute. 

 

The venue was quickly emptying once the house lights were back on and Yutaka decided to take the chance, pulling on his professor's hand that was still in his. Takanori must have still been in that post concert haze for he allowed himself to be pulled along until they were once again outside. A low mist hung in the now busy street but it felt nice compared to the heat from inside. 

 

“You okay?” He asked when Takanori pulled his hand away, bending slightly with his hands on his knees. That cheesy smile was still on his face though. He nodded a bit, slipping his glasses off and wiping them with his shirt. 

 

“Yeah. I think so. Just hot. That was so much fun. Thank you for asking me to stay Yutaka. I haven't had a good time like this since...I can't even remember.” 

 

“I'm glad you stayed. You looked like you were enjoying yourself. I'm surprised you have a voice left with all that yelling you did. Are you ready to get out of here?”

 

Takanori looked up at him with a frown. “Oh, yeah I'm sure you want to get home. The bus I took here is only a couple blocks away. I think the cool air will help me out. I'll see you on Monday?” 

 

Yutaka could only shake his head with a laugh. This guy was so oblivious wasn’t he? “No, Taka, that’s not what I meant. There is a pizza place just down around the corner that I always go to after a show. You’re coming with me of course.”

 

“Yutaka, no. That’s too much isn’t it? Aren’t you tired of me yet?” He asked, standing up with his hands on his hips. He looked so sassy and...unbelievably cute. Yutaka felt like his heart really was going to just give up. 

 

“Nope. I’ll never be tired of you. Unless of course, this is some kind of psychological thing where you’re trying to push me away without saying so. Are  _ you  _ tired of  _ me _ ?” Yutaka countered, refraining from grinning like an idiot when he saw Takanori’s cheeks turning pink again. 

 

“No Yutaka I’m not tired of you.”

 

“Then come get pizza with me. Pleeeeease?”

 

That got his professor smiling again. “You’re acting like a three year old at a toy store! Stop it!” 

 

“Then say yes!”

 

“Not if you’re gonna act like that!”

 

“Taka...pretty please?”

 

“Fine! Just stooooop!” 

 

With a roll of his eyes Takanori started down the sidewalk but Yutaka stayed in place, a chuckle slipping past his lips. 

 

“What are you laughing at? Are you coming or not?”

 

Yutaka took the few steps towards him and held out his hand. “It’s this way?”

 

He watched with absolute satisfaction as Takanori chewed on his bottom lip, staring at his hand. “You’re not a child, I don’t need to hold your hand do I?”

 

“I’ll throw a hissy fit right here in front of all these people if you don’t.” 

 

Takanori’s eyes narrowed into thin dark slits. “You wouldn’t.”

 

“Oh I so would.” He smirked, wiggling his fingers a bit. With a heavy sigh the professor finally gave in, reaching out to slip his hand into Yutaka’s. Oh yeah. He was so on top of the world. “If holding my hand is such a hardship then why did you do it all evening? Hmm?”

 

“I- well you didn't let go either! You could have taken your hand away at any time. I was just...being polite.” Takanori tried to counter but Yutaka could plainly see he was failing.

 

“Ah. I see. Just polite. Well, I didn't let go because I didn't want to. But at least I can be honest about it.” 

 

He could feel Takanori staring at him but Yutaka kept his eyes forward as they rounded the corner of the block. From there he could see the light from the little pizza shop illuminating the sidewalk. The place was called Tia's, aptly named after the owner who happened to be his aunt. When his uncle had passed away Yutaka had assumed the store would close too but Tia had kept it up and running, making a good life for herself and always trying to help out kids in need. 

 

“I worked here when I was younger.” He said suddenly. “My parents were so against me having a job in favor of me keeping up with my studies instead. Turned out I could do both. My aunt, she's the owner, she let me work here in secret when I turned fifteen. I just wanted money that wasn't handed to me with expectations. I wanted to earn it. I only quit working when I started college.”

 

The hold on his hand changed, becoming less... disdainful and more comfortable, their fingers slipping through one another's like puzzle pieces sliding into place. 

 

“I think...that given your situation that it is very respectable of you to want to work. You could have just lived off your family's money. And your aunt must be a lovely woman to have understood and helped you out.” 

 

Yutaka gave his hand a light squeeze. “Thank you. That actually means a lot to me. Oh and she is. You'll meet her. Come on.” He said, opening the door and letting go of his professor so he could enter first. 

 

The smell of baking dough and cheese filled the small shop and he watched Takanori take a deep breath with a smile. A woman in her late forties came out from the back room, her long blond hair all tied up on top of her head and flour smeared in her cheek. 

 

“Yutaka! I didn't know you were coming by tonight! You should have text me.” Tia came around the counter to hug him. Yutaka hugged her back, watching a fond smile grow on Takanori’s face. He couldn’t help but wonder if maybe he missed his family, living so far away from them. 

 

“I know, I know. I should have, but I was a little preoccupied. Aunt Tia, this is my new friend Takanori. Taka, this is the owner, Tiamara.” He introduced them and watched with satisfaction as Takanori’s face went bright red when the woman ignored his offered hand and squeezed him in a tight hug instead. 

“Just a friend huh?” Tia mused, her bright green eyes scanning over the shorter man’s form. 

 

Takanori cleared his throat in attempt to regain his composure. “I- uh, it’s nice to meet you. And yes, just a friend. Even then we’re more of acquaintances. I’m also Yutaka’s literature professor.”

 

His aunt’s stare then turned to him with a hardened glance and Yutaka just knew he was about to get a lecture. “Well, it’s nice to meet you Professor Takanori. Why don’t you sit down, grab something to drink. I’ve got a couple pies just coming out of the oven. Yutaka, you’ll help me grab them real quick yeah?” She asked, already heading back around the counter.

 

“Uh, yeah. Be there in a moment.” He answered before turning to Takanori. “Sorry, I’ll just be a second I promise. Just make yourself comfortable.” 

 

“I’ll be find. I am an adult, remember?”

 

Oh, sassy Taka was back then? Yutaka rolled his eyes, reaching out to tap the end of his nose. “It’s easy to forget when you’re so tiny.” He teased, making his way behind the counter before Takanori could retaliate. His aunt was standing in the back room, a large metal paddle in her hands to take the pizza out of the giant oven, and sure enough she hadn’t even tried to hide the look of disapprovement on her face. 

 

“Okay I know what you’re gonna sa-”

 

“Oh really? You already know? So you didn’t just walk through my door with your teacher then? What the hell are you doing? The semester just got started, you could not possibly be failing it already. So why is he with you? For that matter, you promised you’d do your best! That this would  _ never  _ happen again. You swore to me Yutaka.” She hissed, keeping her voice low but he knew damn well she’d be yelling if they didn’t have company. 

 

“I did! And I’m keeping my promise Tia. I swear I am. This isn’t what it looks like. It’s really only a coincidence. We just happened to show up to the same show together and I asked if he wanted to come here with me. It’s not about school at all. Actually...it’s- I really like him. I just wanted to spend a little more time around him. That’s why I invited him.”

 

Eyes narrowed on him suspiciously. “You  _ like  _ him huh? Well if that’s true then I don’t want to see you with him again Yutaka. I’m serious. Stop this before you get in trouble, or worse, you get  _ him  _ in trouble. If you really are interested in him then it can wait a few months until you’re no longer his student.”

 

Part of him wanted to be happy that Tia wasn’t automatically calling him a liar but the other part hated that she was probably right. He  _ knew  _ he shouldn’t try to get involved with Takanori at this time, but… “I can’t.” He replied honestly. “I can’t stay away from him. I don’t know how to explain it but dammit I don’t even wanna let him go home tonight. It’s stupid, isn’t it? No one will find out. I’ll be careful. I’ll keep it as just friends until the semester ends even, but I cannot stay away. At least...not until I know that he feels something too.”

 

Tia’s expression softened just a bit and he had a feeling she was probably thinking about her late husband. They had been a love at first sight kind of couple. She of all people should understand what he was feeling. 

 

“Yutaka...shit. You know I can’t tell you how to feel, but baby I just don’t want to see you get in trouble. If word got out that you were dating a professor then they may start digging into other things. Do you understand how ruined you would be if anyone found out what happened?”

 

Unfortunately he did know. He knew  _ exactly  _ how much his life would take a major change for the worse. He also knew he wasn’t willing to let go of whatever he was feeling for Takanori. 

 

“I know. Trust me I do. I’m not stupid Tia. I will be careful because I want this more than I can explain to you.” 

 

His aunt was quiet then as she cut one of the big pizzas and placed two of the pieces on plates for them. “Alright. I can’t say that I’m happy about this, but if you need anything, a place to go, I’ll be here. Just please take care of yourself Yuta.”

 

Yutaka took the plates from her before leaning over to kiss her cheek. “I will. Thank you.”

 

“Yeah yeah. Go eat with your boyfriend.” She snarked, pushing him out the door. 

 

Takanori was sitting at the back of one of the round booths, looking at something on his phone. He apparently didn’t understand the meaning of make yourself comfortable. Yutaka sat the plates down on the table, startling him a bit. “Here you go. Pizza bigger than you are!”

 

“I’d tell you to shut up, but I think you’re actually right.” He answered, pulling a plate towards himself. 

 

“Ah, I’ll have to remember this moment, I may never be right again.” Before sitting down, Yutaka grabbed a couple of the glass bottles of root beer out of the cooler. Once he handed one to Takanori he scooted into the booth, leaving very little space between them. 

 

“Um, Yutaka do they have forks here? This is too big to pick up.” 

 

“Don’t let my aunt hear you asking for a fork. This is New York. We don’t cut our pizza. She’ll beat you with her spoon.”

 

The professor’s face turned red again but his shoulders stayed strong. He wasn’t backing down anymore was he? “Then how is one supposed to eat this cheesy monstrosity?”

 

“Like this.” Yutaka explained, picking up his own piece and folding it in half. “You gotta fold it. That’s the only way to d- Taka your face is gonna freeze like that.” 

 

“This is the face of disgust. Don’t eat like a pig.”

 

Yutaka just about choked on the stringy cheese. “How many times I gotta tell you, you’re not in Japan anymore. We do things differently here. And in New York, you fold your damn pizza. Don’t be such a snob.”

 

“I’m not a snob! Don’t call me that.” Takanori snapped. He didn’t speak again, staring at the food in front of him. Was he really not going to eat? Yutaka felt the guilt building in his chest. Maybe he shouldn’t have been so harsh. With a sigh he got up to walk behind the counter, picking out a roll of silverware, and taking it back to the table. 

 

“I’m sorry for calling you a snob. I had no right to do that.” He apologized, handing the roll to a rather surprised looking Takanori. “Not knowing strange customs of a country you haven’t even spent half a year in doesn’t make you snobby. I really am sorry Takanori.”

 

The other almost smiled at him. “I think...I like Taka better.” He replied, then thanked him for the silverware. 

 

Once he was able to properly eat Takanori was back to his idle chit-chat about whatever came to mind and Yutaka felt relieved. At least he did until their food was gone and Takanori leaned back in the booth. He would have looked relaxed if it wasn’t for the way he was fidgeting with the hem of his shirt. His professor was nervous about something.

 

“Taka? What’s wrong?”

 

For a moment he only chewed on his bottom lip and refused to look up, but then he sighed and sat up straight again. “I- Yutaka what am I doing here?”

 

“Well I thought we were having din-”

 

“I’m serious. Why am I here with you? Why did you help me today and why did you ask me to stay for the concert? I don’t understand what’s going on.”

 

Oh. So that’s what this was all about? Could he not...understand why Yutaka wanted him here? Wasn’t he being obvious enough?

 

“You really don’t know why I would want you here? Taka you’re amazing. I mean, I know I just met you yesterday but I don’t feel like I needed anymore time to figure that out. You’re smart and cute, sexy, just beautiful. A-and when you laugh the whole room just lights up. The way you get when you talk about something you love, or the how you ask me about myself because you actually  _ want  _ to hear the answer. Why wouldn’t I want to be around you? I’d like to be around you a lot more if you’d let me. I want to get to know you better.” He confessed, finding it much easier to do than he’d expected. 

 

Takanori just...blinked at him from behind his glasses. Why the hell did he look so confused? Yutaka rubbed a hand over the back of his neck nervously. Maybe he’d said too much. He’d made the professor uncomfortable, hadn’t he? Perhaps he’d read the situation wrong, but he’d just been so sure that Takanori had felt the spark between them too. Though it was possible that Yutaka had simply let his imagination run wild instead of facing reality. 

 

“Look, um, all that...I wasn’t trying to make you uncomfortable.” He started, flipping a drink coaster between his hands. “You can just pretend I didn’t say any of it if you want. I’m apparently an idiot. I… thought there was something there, between us, but I guess I’m the only one who felt it. So anyway, if you want I’ll give you a ride home. It’s the least I can do after making an ass out of myself here.” His professor still didn’t say anything and it was starting to make him feel overly self conscious. “Takanori would you please just say something?”

 

Those soft brown eyes finally focused on him and Yutaka felt his heart stop beating, he just knew this wasn’t going to end the way he’d wanted it too. 

 

“I...Yutaka this...happens more than you know. A-and it’s normal. Really. Tons of students have this sort of thing for their teachers. It’s nothing to be embarrassed about, but you have to understand that it’s not real, what you’re feeling. Give it a little time, maybe talk to the school psychologist, and this will all pass. No harm done. And I promise I will never speak a word to anyone else. It’s just a phase some students go through. I will however see you in class on Monday. I have to go catch my bus now.” 

 

Yutaka was stunned for a moment as Takanori moved to slide out of the booth, but he came back to his senses, reacting fast enough to grab the smaller man’s wrist. “I am not some kid having fantasies about my english teacher Taka. This has nothing to do with you being my professor. I knew the second I saw you that I wanted to know you. I thought you were just some guy in my class. I don't care who you are. Don't try to make excuses to invalidate my feelings. I  _ know _ how I feel. Can you just be honest about how  _ you _ feel? Tell me if this one sided. Please?”

 

Takanori looked so conflicted, but Yutaka wasn't sure what about exactly. After a few seconds he looked around the small restaurant like he was making sure they were still alone before sitting back down, much closer to him this time. 

 

“It's wrong Yutaka. We both could get into so much trouble. I could lose my job and you... you'd get kicked out of medical school. Is it really worth all that to you?” He asked quietly, his hand coming to rest gently on Yutaka's forearm. 

 

He didn't even have to think about hair answer though. “It is. Because I know none of that is going to happen. We'll be very careful. But that's not an answer to my question Taka.”

 

Another bite to his poor abused lip. “It...isn't one sided. I feel it too, but you can’t be sure that nothing bad will happen.”

 

“And you can’t be sure that something  _ will  _ happen.”

 

Takanori opened his mouth then shut it again. His hand slid down until he could slip it into Yutaka’s own. “What...do you want from me exactly Yutaka? What would you, if I said yes, expect from me?”

 

Yutaka turned his hand to hold the professor's tighter, thumb gently rubbing over his knuckles. “I only want a chance. A chance to get to know you better and spend time with you. That's all I'm asking for.”

 

“If we do this...I have to demand a few...rules.” 

 

“Anything you want Take. Just tell me what I need to do.”

 

“It has to be secret. We have to be so very careful. A-and you can't...hint at anything it tease me in class. I can't- I can't handle the way I react to you and people will notice.”

 

He nodded in understanding. “I promise I won't. I will only do so in private, because I do love watching you blush.”

 

And just like he expected, Takanori's cheeks turned pink, but he was smiling so maybe this was a step in the right direction. 

 

“The other thing, and I understand if this is a deal breaker for you, but...I don't want anything uh, physical, to happen until after you are no longer my student. You understand what I'm saying?”

 

“Sure. No sex until after the final grades come out. I can handle that.”

 

Takanori shook his head. “No, Yutaka, I don't mean just...sex.” Was he really getting flustered over just the word?? “I mean anything physical. N- no kissing, touching. Nothing under the clothes. Because I can't do any of that while you're my student and I'm just not ready for it yet.”

 

No kissing? Yutaka focused for a moment at those beautifully plump lips. Could he really go four months without feeling them? He didn't...really have a choice. Yutaka sighed before reaching up to brush some of Takanori's bangs from his eyes. “Alright I can handle it. On one condition.”

 

His professor looked suspicious. “And that would be?”

 

“Hugging you and holding your hand don't count for your rule. Taka I will hold up my end of the deal just like you asked, but I don't think I can not touch you at all.”

 

“I can handle that I think. But I have to warn you, I haven't dated much. And those relationships didn't last long. So um, even after the semester is over, please don't expect me to jump into bed with you. It may take me some time.” He said, his eyes once again moving to their hands. 

 

Yutaka wasn't going to let him hide though, raising his chin up with a finger. “Takanori Matsumoto, ten years from now when we're happily married and adopted a cute dog, if you still aren't ready to have sex then we won't. Okay? That's not something you have to worry about. Although I won't deny that by Christmas I will expect a kiss because you have no idea how much of a turn on you truly are. A kiss though, will suffice. A kiss and many many hours spent in cold showers alone.”

 

“Yutaka! Don't talk like that! What is wrong with you?” Takanori almost yelled, yanking his hands away to stand up. Yutaka could tell he was only feigning anger though as that bright smile curved his lips. 

 

This was good. 

 

Yutaka said a quick goodbye to his aunt, letting Tia know he'd be around next week, before walking Takanori back to the bus stop. He'd offered him a ride home but the professor had refused, saying he could use the bus ride to get his head straight and come back to reality. True to his word though his now boyfriend let him have a good night hug and Yutaka had a hard time letting go after burying his nose in floral smelling hair. Eventually though the bus had pulled up the curb and he had watched Takanori safely leave. 

 

It wasn't until he was walking through the door of his own home that he realized he had no way of getting ahold of Takanori until he saw him on Monday. Why hadn't they exchanged numbers? Maybe he could email him at his work address? Or should he just leave the professor alone for the weekend? He didn't want to smother him after all. 

 

Yutaka sat down on the dark red chaise lounge to take off his boots when his eyes caught an empty space on his bookshelf and a laugh bubbled up his throat. After all of that...

 

Takanori still had his book.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I am leaving for vacation next week but I'm hoping to get another chapter out before I leave! Let me know what you think of this ever growing relationship 😁

“Well, how are things going over there? I'm a nosey mother, and you haven't told us much since you arrived in the states. Won't you give me the grand tour?” 

 

Takanori chuckled as he finished up the last of his dishes from his lunch. His mom was right, he hadn't been a good son since he'd left. Hadn't called or checked in at all. Drying his hands off, he picked up the tablet they were using to Skype and turned the camera around. 

 

“It's not much.” He said, walking around his small apartment. “But it's enough and it's bigger than my place in Tokyo was. Plus it's not far from the school. Only about a ten minute bus ride.”

 

“Oh really? That sounds nice dear. Your father has been worried that you've been burying yourself in your work. Have you gone out? Made any friends?” She asked and Takanori turned the camera around again. 

 

“Funny you should ask that. Um, actually I might have met someone mom. It's really new and I don't wanna jinx it so I can't say much, but I think I may be ready to try dating again.”

 

His mother's dark eyes widened a little. “Takanori I don't want to tell you what to do. You're an adult, but...are you sure? I can't just come to you if something goes wrong.”

 

His mother...really was such a wonderful woman. After the last time he'd tried dating and things had gone sideways his mother had come and stayed with him for a whole weekend just to take care of him and make sure he was okay. Truthfully, he hadn't been. The few people he'd gone out with since high school never got any further than the first or second date. And if he was being honest, the problem was him, not his dates. But he'd kept pushing himself into going out again and again just to see if he could fix himself. Stop being so paranoid of people. He hadn't felt anything for any of those people though. Not like he did with Yutaka. Sometime during the night he'd let the feeling wash through him and just revelled in the fact that he really did want to spend more time with this man. Even let himself feel a bit giddy over the way Yutaka made him feel...wanted, for more than just a night. He only hoped that the younger man wouldn’t push him on the rules set in place because Takanori wasn’t sure how well he himself could respect them. It had taken everything in him not to kiss Yutaka good night. He liked kissing, but beyond that he wasn’t ready, and by not allowing anything physical between them he felt like maybe, when Yutaka decided he wasn’t worth his time, he wouldn’t feel so completely heartbroken. 

 

But he  _ was  _ sure. He knew that. 

 

“I know mom. But I truly think that things will be okay this time.” He tried to reassure her. 

 

“Alright, I won’t push, but you take care of yourself Taka. Don’t do anything for this man that you don’t  _ want  _ to do. You know your father still has...connections. If you need this guy to disappear just let me know and he’ll be shipped to the first no named island we can find.”

 

Takanori couldn’t help but laugh at how serious his mother sounded, though, she probably was quite serious. “No mom, I don’t want him to disappear. At least for now. Is dad there with you? I’d...like to talk to both of you for a moment.”

 

His mother nodded. “He’s upstairs in the study. I’ll go get him real quick. Don’t hang up okay?”

 

While he waited for his mom to come back, Takanori sat the tablet down on his bed and pulled his laptop out from the drawer where it was charging. Classes had just started so he didn’t expect many emails from work but it didn’t hurt to check anyway right?  _ Maybe another one of my students needs to email to hit on me  _ Takanori chuckled to himself as he pulled up his school email. 

 

“Takanori? Where is my jerk of a son who left me here all by myself to deal with his mother? Taka!” 

 

Takanori laughed aloud hearing his father’s voice come from the tablet’s speakers. He quickly picked it back up so he could see his parents just in time to see his mother pop his father in the back of the head with an oven mit. The relationship his parents had was just what he’d always wanted, to marry his best friend. They were just too perfect for one another. 

 

“I’m here dad! I’m here. But truth be told, I have to pay her just to put up with you everyday and my bank account is starting to feel it.” He joked, watching in satisfaction as his mom grinned and gave him a thumbs up. 

 

“You’re a brat, she’s a brat. I don’t know why I put up with  _ either  _ of you. But anyway, what did you want to talk to us about? Your mother made it seem like it was something serious?”

 

“It kind of is.” He started. “It’s just that...I know I haven’t been a very good son since I left Japan. I haven’t really called, haven’t kept you guys updated, and I’m really sorry about it. I know better than that. I’ve been so busy but that’s not an excuse. There is no excuse that should keep me from communicating with my family. The truth is, I’m so thankful to have you guys as parents. Even when I was a mess and everything around me seemed to just explode you were there for me. You didn’t chastise me or make me feel like less of a person. You helped me get back on my feet and move forward. Dad, I know you weren’t too pleased with me becoming a teacher but you supported me anyway and mom, when I told you I was leaving for a job in the states, you helped me pack and told me I deserved this chance. I know how badly you wanted to tell me to stay but never did. I couldn’t have asked for better parents and I promise from now on I will do my best to make sure you guys know how grateful I really am.” Takanori stopped, seeing the tears forming in his mother’s eyes. He hadn’t meant to make her cry. “Mom?”

 

“It’s alright Takanori.” His father replied, wrapping his arms around his mother’s shoulders. “Nothing has changed. You will always be our son and we will  _ always  _ support you. We also understand that you’re living in a completely different world right now and you need time to adjust. Don’t worry so much about us okay? Just keep yourself safe and we will be here when you need us.”

 

Takanori could feel his chest getting tight, tears burning behind his eyes. He really didn’t deserve them. “Thank you.” Was all he could get out, his throat too right to say much else. 

 

His mother just waved a dismissing hand at him. “T-tell your father about the new boy that’s making you smile so much.”

 

His father lifted a brow at him in question. “New boy? You’re dating again?”

 

“Uh, kinda. We haven’t really made it official yet though.” He answered. He could tell them about Yutaka right? At least a little bit anyway. “His name is Yutaka. He’s a little younger than me but not by too much. I went to a concert with him last night then we went out and he showed me how people here eat pizza. Mom, you would be appalled. They just fold it over and…”

 

They continued on like that for another hour, him telling about things that had happened since he moved to the states, and his parents letting him know what had been going on in Japan. It was so nice to catch up with them and Takanori promised that he would call again soon, though his mother told him their next chat needed to include his new boyfriend. That...probably wasn’t going to happen. Once they’d hung up, Takanori went back upstairs to his forgotten laptop and opened up his email. Inside was just one message, from a student? Tanabe? Why did that sound so familiar? 

 

From: Tanabemed@gmail.com

Takanori, please email me back. I forgot to ask for your number and I don’t even know if you made it home last night. I’m worried. Let me know you’re okay. -Yutaka

 

Ah, that’s why it seemed so familiar. Yutaka was worried about him huh? Well, he couldn’t leave him hanging any longer could he?

 

From: TMatsumoto@Welby.edu 

Yutaka. I forgot to give you my number too didn’t I? I made it home safely. Fell asleep on the bus though :p I’m sorry I didn’t see your email until now, I was Skyping with my parents all morning. I missed them more than I thought. Even my dad stayed on for awhile. They made me tell them about you too. Not everything of course. We’re a secret after all. Anyway, I’ll leave my number at the end here. 

 

After sending the email, Takanori stored his computer again and grabbed his phone. Back in the kitchen he made himself a mug of mint tea before padding into the living room to make himself comfy on the sofa. He truly was so in love with his little apartment. It was just perfect for him. Not so large it made him feel alone yet not too small to make him feel claustrophobic. It wasn’t littered with nick nacks and photos, only a few pieces of art here and there though otherwise quite sparse. He truly hadn’t believed this place would ever feel like home but it hadn’t taken more than a handful of days to settle in and feel like he was supposed to be here. 

 

Before too long his phone pinged signalling a new text. His heart rate accelerated before he could even consciously react. 

 

<Unknown>

I’m glad you made it home safe. I guess I was too preoccupied with not wanting to let you go to remember to get a way to contact you. Oh you called your parents? I’m sure they were happy to hear from you after so long. You told them about me hm? And what did they have to say? The way you talked of your parents last night makes me a bit jealous. They seem to be such great people. I wish my own were like that. Maybe you’ll let me meet them someday yeah? Ah, as bad as it may sound you’re my favorite secret Taka. What are your plans for today? Am I interrupting anything?

 

A guy who actually used real words and sentences in texts? As dumb as it sounded that was actually a major plus in Yutaka’s column. He hated it when people couldn’t be bothered to use full words. If you weren’t going to type it right then why do it at all? 

 

<Takanori>

Oh, no, not at all. I have plans to sit on my sofa with too much tea and probably write a little bit. After my first week of classes I just need to unwind I think. So no, you’re not interrupting. I think right now you’re my favorite secret too. My parents were very happy to talk to me. That’s why the call lasted so long. I didn’t say too much, only that you’re very kind and very entertaining. They want to meet you too sometime but that’s still far off. Slow, remember? But...I have to be honest, I didn’t want to leave last night either. It’s strange for me actually, I don’t normally like to be around people for too long but with you I feel like you’re close when I need you but not overwhelming. Ah sorry I’m rambling. You don’t want to hear this. 

 

Why was he being so sappy? He couldn’t imagine Yutaka would want to read that kind of thing. Besides, it made him sound so clingy, and that wasn’t him at all. No, he needed to get a grip on this unrealistic romantic bullshit. 

 

<Yutaka>

That sounds like the perfect way to spend the day. I kinda wish I could spend it with you though. Even if we didn’t talk. Is that stupid? Probably too much. Yes, slow. I’m okay with that. I want to do this right, however you want. And you’re wrong Taka. I want to hear every thought that goes through your head. Every idea, every concern. Everything. Don’t hold anything back from me. I don’t want that. I will patiently look forward to meeting your parents. Then I can ask your dad if I can marry you! My mother surprised me by coming home this weekend. She’s making me join her for some stupid golf tournament thing this afternoon. I hate it. Spending all my free time making fake with a bunch of assholes. Can’t you save me? She’s making me wear the stupid golf hat! I look so ridiculous. I’m so glad you can’t see this. 

 

<Takanori>

Oooooh Yuta!!! You have to send me a photo now you know? I demand it! I promise I’ll send you one back since I haven’t done my hair or anything since I got up, that way you have something to blackmail me with too. I’m sorry that she came home though. I know you said she’s worse than your father. You can make it through though. Maybe...after it’s over, if your mom doesn’t care then you could sneak out and come see me for a little while? I appreciate you saying all that, I really do. I won’t hold back but you might come to regret that. I can be kind of annoying. About this marriage thing...what kind of dog are we going to adopt? Because I’m holding you to that you know! Anyway, I’ll send you a photo to try to make your day a little less hellish. Let me know when you’re done and I’ll see if I can save you.

 

After sending the message, Takanori fluffed his hair out a bit and opened his camera. He really did look pathetic with no makeup and just his glasses adorning his face. Would Yutaka even want a photo of him looking like this? Before he could talk himself out of it, Takanori let a small smile slip on to his lips and put his fingers up in a peace sign, snapping the photo. It didn’t look too horrible, he supposed, sending it off to his boyfriend. A whole ten minutes went by before his phone went off again and in the meantime Takanori had worked himself into quite a tizzy thinking of all the horrible things Yutaka could possibly be thinking about him due to his horrible picture. So as he opened the message he peeking through almost closed eyes. 

 

<Yutaka>

I have the  _ cutest  _ boyfriend on the planet. God Takanori how do you look so good without even trying? This is now my home screen. Just so you know. Okay okay I’ll send you a picture of my ugly hat as soon as I’m done typing this. Fair warning...it’s blue. I don’t fucking wear blue! Ugh. Ah, I’m assuming a small breed. A cute little thing like you. One we can take around with us all the time. I like fluffy dogs, but I can compromise. I have to say, it’s nice to be able to joke with you like this Taka. I appreciate that. I will have no problem sneaking away as soon as this is over. Hopefully it won’t be too late. Getting to see you will make it worth sticking through today. My mother...only cares about herself. Like I said, I am only a trophy for her to show off. I would much rather be there with you. I’m going to send your picture then get out on the greens. Please send me your address and I’ll text you when I’m on my way. 

 

After reading through Yutaka's message, he felt ten times better about himself, but felt that he already hated this woman he'd never met because of how she was treating her son. Yutaka deserved better parents than that. Maybe if this didn't work out between them, which it probably wouldn't, he could at least still be some kind of support for him as a teacher or friend. 

 

Takanori had just sent off his address, figuring he could reply to the rest of the text later that evening, when the infamous golf photo finally came through. Yutaka looked so sad in his ugly blue golf hat, his chocolate eyes pleading with him through the screen. Takanori felt his heart leap in his chest. And Yutaka had said  _ he  _ had the cutest boyfriend on the planet?  _ Wrong _ . 

 

_________

 

The clock was pushing ten o’clock when his phone finally pinged again and Takanori had to shake himself awake having been snoozing in the chair on his little balcony. It was just too beautiful to spend all day inside. The text he’d received though woke him up fully. 

 

<Yutaka>

I’m finally done here. I had no idea that it would take this long. I know that it’s getting late, but could I maybe just stop by and see you for a minute? I won’t stay long, I know you’ll probably want to head to bed. Please?

 

Takanori had to press his palm to his chest. Could this guy really get any more romantic? He’d drive all the way here just to see him? He had to laugh at himself for feeling so melodramatic. This wasn’t some kdrama they were living in. 

 

<Takanori>

I’m not  _ that  _ old Yutaka. I’m still awake. And I’d still like it if you wanted to come by. 

 

<Yutaka>

I’ll be there in about twenty minutes. 

 

Twenty minutes. Fuck. Takanori left his phone on the kitchen counter as he went through the house, picking up things here and there, straightening others. He just wanted to make sure things looked presentable instead of Yutaka thinking he was some kind of slob. Once that was done he quickly applied a bit of makeup to his eyes and lips just to make it look as if he’d put some effort into himself, then changed into a pair of jeans and thin t-shirt. His time was almost up, this would have to work. And sure enough there was a knock on his door just a few minutes later, not even enough time for him to start panicking. Takanori wiped his suddenly sweaty palms on his jeans and unlocked the door, finding a sleepy looking, yet smiling Yutaka on the other side. He’d changed too into black sweats and loose fit shirt. He looked comfy and Takanori wanted to hug him far too much. 

 

“Hey there. You took your hat off, I was so looking forward to seeing it. In fact I had an entire arsenal of smart ass remarks to make for it.” He said, leaning back against the now open door. 

 

Yutaka just shook his head. He lifted a hand, pressing his palm to Takanori’s cheek and for a moment he believed his student was about to kiss him, eyes fixated on his lips as they parted when he remembered how to breathe, but then he just smiled and stepped past him, leaving Takanori to have a heart attack in his own doorway. The part that bothered him the most was that if Yutaka had tried, he most likely would have allowed the kiss. Maybe, just  _ maybe  _ he was actually dying for it. 

 

“I’m so sorry to disappoint you Taka. But that makes two of us you know? I thought you were just spending the day here and relaxing?” He said, eyes scanning around the apartment. 

 

Takanori frowned, tilting his head to the side as he watched his boyfriend assess his apartment. “What are you talking about? I did. I’ve been here all day.”

 

Yutaka turned back to him, a smirk on his lips, and those deep brown eyes just stole every bit of breath from his lungs. “Ah, I thought you might have changed your mind seeing as you didn’t have makeup on when you sent me that photo earlier. Did you put it on knowing I was coming over? Because as gorgeous as you look with it, I was so looking forward to seeing you without.”

 

Takanori didn’t even stand a chance against the blush that spread over his cheeks, and he glanced away from that intense gaze, rubbing at his arm nervously. “I...yeah, I did. I just didn’t want to look like I hadn’t put any effort towards you coming over since you drove all this way. I cleaned up too but it’s still kind of a mess, I’m sorry.” 

 

The brunette actually laughed and Takanori was sure that was the most beautiful sound known to man. “Babe, I think you need to look up the definition of mess, because I’ve seen hospitals less clean than your apartment. It’s fine, you don’t need to worry about things like this. And to tell you the truth, I was kind of tired so I had my chauffeur drive me here. You don’t have to get all dolled up for me though Taka, I much prefer if you don’t. So, why don’t I help you take all that off and then you can change into something more comfy and we can just relax a little hm?”

 

Takanori had to think about that for a moment. Yutaka was just so strange compared to other men that he’d dated. “Alright. But you don’t have to help me.” He said, starting for the hallway back to the bathroom. His boyfriend was right on his heels though. 

 

“Maybe I want to. Don’t worry, I know what I’m doing.”

 

Yutaka took the makeup wipes from his hands and turned him around. Before he could protest he’d been lifted up to sit on the counter beside the sink and his student had invaded more of his personal space, placing himself between his knees without a second thought. This really was dangerous for his heart. A small crease formed between Yutaka’s brows as he concentrated on wiping away Takanori’s eye makeup and he was surprisingly gentle. Takanori closed his eyes and just breathed in the other’s scent that smelled of fresh, cold rain. It was intoxicating.

 

“How do you kn-”

 

Yutaka’s hand paused. “When I was little I used to go into my mom’s dressing rooms and watch her or her maid apply her makeup for the day. I always thought she looked so beautiful. Flawless. She was so kind. I was...maybe four or five. She would tell me that with the right tools you could make yourself up to be a completely different person. That when she was made up like that she could be whoever she wanted. It seemed to even give her more confidence. Over the next few years she taught me how to put it on and take it off. How it was a gentle art. Those times were different. We would sit in that room surrounded by clothes from all over the world and talk about what we wanted out of the day, or what had gone on the day before. We talked about everything. It felt like we were...as a mother and child should be. For a few years it was like this too until I got a little older and she could start showing me off like one of her thousands of diamonds. I have no more value to her now than any of those jewels or clothes.”

 

Takanori was thankful his eyes had to be kept closed because seeing the obvious heartbreak on Yutaka’s face would have been the end of him. How could a mother turn on her child like that? And poor little Yutaka must have been so confused for his loving mother to suddenly turn into this monster that wanted nothing to do with him. He’d told Takanori last night that he had been predominantly raised by nannies, his father often around even less than his mother. His father on the other hand while not as cruel, seemed just too busy to deal with him and found it was much easier to send a check then to be at recitals and teacher conferences. He’d never...had much sympathy for rich people, but Takanori found himself thinking maybe having money wasn’t all it was cracked up to be, and even found himself thankful that though they had never gone without the necessities, his family had never had tons of extra money. Hell, putting him in a private school had wiped out their savings. That’s why Takanori had strived so hard to get the grades needed to go to university without the help from his parents. They’d done enough already. 

 

When he was sure Yutaka was done, he opened his eyes, curling his hand around the back of the students neck and gently tugging him closer until their foreheads met. “I’m sorry Yuta. For everything your family has done. But I know that because of it, you will never treat your own family that way. Things will turn out okay.”

 

Yutaka’s hand tightened on his knee but he didn’t reply to Takanori’s words, instead changing the subject completely as he pulled away with a little smile. “Ah, I think it’s time we cool this down before one of us does something we regret. Go get changed okay?” He suggested, giving him a pat on the leg before leaving him alone in the bathroom.  

 

“Okay, okay. Tell me about this dog we’re going to adopt then! You said a small one?” He yelled, disappearing into the bedroom to change real quick. He could hear Yutaka’s chuckle from down the hall and wanted to pat himself on the back for taking him away from such melancholy thoughts as his parents. 

 

“Of course small. He’ll have to be able to travel with us. The rules aren’t as strict on a private jet but still, no big dogs.”

 

Takanori almost choked just trying to breathe as he registered what Yutaka had said. Private jet? Wishful thinking buddy. “Ah, but my apartment doesn’t allow animals so I guess our dreams are ruined.”

 

“It won’t matter. By then we’ll be married and living in our own house wherever you want to live. Here, London, Tokyo. Wherever you want.”

 

“Oh so I get to choose where we live?” He asked, making his way back through the living room to the kitchen. “Beer?”

 

Yutaka nodded, leaning over the small bar to watch him. “Please, and thank you. Of course you get to choose. As long as I get to pick where we go for the honeymoon. How does Fiji sound?”

 

Takanori stood up too quick, banging his head on the inside of the fridge. “Fiji?! Isn't that a bit outrageous? Don't most people just go to Vegas?”

 

His stud- boyfriend, scoffed. “Oh no, only the best for my klutzy yet beautiful husband. Fiji would be acceptable.”

 

Takanori couldn't help but giggle. “Yutaka stop.” 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got it done! Things are starting to her kind of...dramatic finally 😁  
> Also I added in 2 links to show how the places I'm mentioning might look since I just suck at description o.O

They had...made it a whole month. 

Or at least it would be a month tomorrow, and Yutaka had something special planned for it. All he had to do was make it through the day without killing Kouyou first. Then he'd grab Takanori and head out of town. They had a long four day weekend and he planned to take full advantage of it. 

 

“Yutaka? Are you listening to me?”

 

Yutaka turned back to find Kouyou watching him with a frown. Maybe he had been ignoring the blond, but thinking about his upcoming vacation was so much more entertaining. He offered his friend a smile. “Sorry Kou. I spaced off. What were you saying?”

 

Kouyou held up his arms to show off his outfit. It was black with slightly poofy sleeves and short skirt. Lots of ribbon and bows with an open neck collar. One leg was covered while the other was left bare by the short material. Fuck those legs. Yutaka felt his mouth water, wanting to taste that smooth flesh again, but he wouldn't. No. This relationship was already too much, he wasn't going to allow himself to be with anyone other Takanori. He just...had to hold out until the end of the semester. Then he would be free of Kouyou's hold and nothing could hold him back from his beautiful little boyfriend. 

 

“What do you think? It feels like it fits. I've got those tall boots you like so much to wear with it. I thought maybe this would be okay for the masquerade ball? It's not too feminine is it? Dark purple makeup probably. And I'll flip my hair out the way you like too.” He said, smoothing down the tight bodice of the ‘dress’. 

 

It pained Yutaka to hear that voice. He knew Kouyou only wanted to impress him, to be wanted by him, and at one point that's all Yutaka had wanted too. He truly had been in love with Kouyou for the longest time throughout their childhood. Back when the blond was still lanky and quite gangly looking. Before he'd found his first Vogue magazine and decided he  _ needed  _ to be on the cover. Kouyou had done it too, multiple times now. With his family's money and his own funds stockpiled from modeling all over the world, the blond was definitely the most well off of his friends. Somewhere along the way though he'd become...twisted. Manipulative. Though Yutaka was quite sure he'd learned that part from his older sister. Ayaka was a piece of work. Debutante much like Kazuki but famous for the drama she created instead of the appearances she made. Ayaka had tortured Kouyou when he was younger, often locking him in a dark closet when she wanted him out of sight. That was when Yutaka had learned to deal with the fear of the dark. He'd had too learn to help Kouyou. His sweet, loving friend had just become so cynical and honestly scary. He didn't understand relationships without the need of leverage. 

 

Which is how he had Yutaka here in this store with him in the first place. They'd been dating for over a year now thanks to Kouyou holding a secret over his head that could ultimately ruin him. But as much as Yutaka wanted to hate him for it, now and then, like now, he got to glimpse the old Kouyou and it reminded him how much he'd loved his friend. That hope that maybe that part of the blond still existed kept him rooted. He had to stay. But now that the semester was halfway through he could at least see an end to the torture. It killed him though that he had to lie to Takanori though, actually, to him and Kouyou. He so badly wished his friend could find someone to love him the way he wanted, and the worst part was that Kouyou knew. The blond knew Yutaka didn’t. He just wasn’t willing to let go, not willing to be alone. Yutaka knew it was going to take a while for him to be prepared to rip his friend’s heart out, but it had to be done. If either of them were ever going to be happy then Yutaka had to break them up. 

 

And he had to find a way to make it happen without Takanori finding out about the whole mess. So for now he would play his part. 

 

Yutaka offered him a smile and stood up from the sofa to closely inspect Kouyou’s outfit. “It does fit well Kou. You look beautiful, as always.” The blond’s smile was so bright, showing just a glimpse of the old Kouyou. “This is a nice touch though. I love this.” He finished, letting his fingers trace the bare flesh of his leg. 

 

The strong, jaded person Kouyou had become faded away for a moment, his eyes lighting up as his hands came up to link behind Yutaka’s neck. “I’m so happy you like it. I want everything to be perfect.” He said, leaning in just enough to press a lip gloss sticky kiss just below his ear. “I’m...going to make sure everything is perfect. I want to look good for the ball. It’s important that I do, for you. You’re the most awarded student of the school after all. I promise I won’t make you look bad.” Kouyou finished quietly, laying his head down on his shoulder. Yutaka felt a pain in his chest as he wrapped his arms around is friend. This was...something new. If there was one thing Kouyou prided himself on it was having no weakness that people could use to manipulate, but…

 

_ I’m his weakness. _

 

________

 

As the day wore on Yutaka felt like he was holding his breath. He’d been wracking his brain all afternoon trying to figure out what angle Kouyou was playing, but in the end he realized...the blond was just...being himself. For the first time in  _ years  _ Kouyou wasn’t manipulating, wasn’t calculating his next move, he was just here. 

 

It hurt, and though it was childish, it felt so unfucking  _ fair.  _ If Kouyou had just been this person all along then maybe their relationship would be real. Maybe he wouldn’t have to be lying to him. 

 

Yutaka looked up from his dinner, watching Kouyou’s full lips touch the edge of the champagne flute, and involuntarily licking at his own. “Kou...can I ask you something? Something serious?”

 

His friend’s head tilted, a smile tugging at his lips. “Of course you can.”

 

“What's...up with you today? You just seem different. More relaxed. Are you okay?”

 

Kouyou sat down the flute. “I am. It's just that you've been so busy lately and I felt like I was losing you. I'm trying to be better for you Yutaka. I know you hate drama and all that so I really am trying. I'm sorry if my actions or attitude has worried you.”

 

Yutaka narrowed his eyes. “I wasn’t so much worried as...skeptical. To be honest I haven’t seen you this calm in a long time. You’ll have to forgive me for being cautious.”

 

The blond’s shoulders slumped a bit as he chewed on his bottom lip. “I know. And I don’t blame you.” Kouyou braced his elbows on the table, hands folded beneath his chin. “But I thought maybe we could start fresh, you know? I’m going to try my best to not be such a bitch, and you can try to trust me again. Okay?”

 

Could he have any worse timing? 

 

“Yeah, okay. We could do that.” After all, he didn’t really have much of choice, did he? 

 

Kouyou grinned. “Thank you Yuta! Hmm, what are you doing this weekend? Do you want to get out of the city for awhile? I have some free time, we could spend a few days at the beach?”

 

_ Alright Yutaka, time to lie your ass off. _

 

“Kou I’m sorry, I’m leaving tonight to head up to the cabin. My dad has a hospital investor coming for a meeting he wants me to head off since he’s in Berlin right now. I’ll be there all weekend. Can I do a rain check?” He asked, hoping he at least sounded apologetic. 

 

“Oh, well that’s too bad. I guess I’ll just load up on meetings instead of sand and surf then. It’s okay Yuta, really. We’ll find time.”

 

Yutaka reached over the table, squeezing Kouyou’s hand. “Thank you for understanding. I’ll call you when I get back to town, maybe there will be some leftover time.”

 

_________

 

“I am ready! Don’t be an ass Yuta. Just come get me okay?”

 

Yutaka shook his head. Sometimes Takanori could be such a little brat. “We just pulled up in front of the building. Get out here.”

 

“We? What do you mean w- Oh my- What the hell? You came in a limo?! Why a limo?” His boyfriend squealed into the phone as he and his giant suitcase came clambering down the stairs of his apartment building. He was so fucking cute. Braiden, his driver, was quick to open the back door for him. “Uh, thank you?” Takanori said as he climbed into the limo, turning to him with a grin. “This is so cool! I’ve never even seen inside a limo before. But...why did you need something so fancy? You said we were just going to your cabin?”

 

Yutaka tried his best to keep a straight face. “We are only going to the cabin. This is just how I get around when I don't want to drive. Nothing special. You want something to drink?”

 

“Um water? And nothing special my ass Yu-”

 

“You're right about that, your ass is very special.”

 

“Yutaka Tanabe! Don't make me pull this limo over. Behave!” 

 

Yutaka couldn't help but laugh, grabbing Takanori around the waist and pulling him closer. “Okay, okay I'll be good. Here.” He said, handing a bottle of water to his boyfriend who finally settled down in his arms. 

 

It was only a ten minute drive to his family's main house but Yutaka could feel himself relaxing with every mile that passed. He truly had just needed to be with Takanori again to feel better. His entire being just felt...at ease. This was where he was meant to be. 

 

By the time they made it to the house he could already hear the whirring of helicopter blades. 

 

“I hope you don't mind flying.” He teased, pulling Takanori out of the limo as soon as Braiden opened the door. “Don't worry it's just a short flight.”

 

Takanori was yanking on his hand, forcing him to stop in his tracks. His boyfriend was staring up at the main house like he'd just seen the pearly gates of heaven. 

 

[ https://www.christiesrealestate.com/eng/sales/detail/170-l-82513-1702240927319206/darlington-new-york-metro-mansion-mahwah-nj-07430 ](https://www.christiesrealestate.com/eng/sales/detail/170-l-82513-1702240927319206/darlington-new-york-metro-mansion-mahwah-nj-07430)

 

“Yutaka... you're...like really, really rich aren't you?” He spoke so quietly Yutaka could barely hear him above the noise. 

 

He glanced up at the house he'd grown up in with its stone exterior. To him it wasn't something spectacular. This was just...his home. 

 

“Don't worry about this Taka. Come on. You can ask all you want later. We need to get going before sundown.” Yutaka grabbed his hand once again and this time Takanori followed. 

 

His boyfriend was eerily silent as they buckled in, putting on the noise reducing headphones. He wasn't...looking at him either. Something was going on behind those dark eyes that Takanori wasn't ready to talk about yet and honestly, though he could be patient, it was stressing Yutaka out. Had it just been about the house? About the money? Or was there something else threatening to break their still infantile relationship? It wasn't worth trying to talk to him here though, so Yutaka just reached out to offer his hand to the other, silently hoping he wouldn't be rejected. For a few seconds Takanori just stared at his open palm but finally slid their fingers together, keeping their hands clasped in his lap. 

 

The flight seemed so much longer than it truly was. Yutaka tried to distract himself by watching the sun disappear below the horizon, it was a beautiful sight after all, but no matter how hard he tried his eyes always flicked back to his boyfriend who had spent most of the ride gazing out his window and avoiding Yutaka's glances. The only words from Takanori came just after the pilot announced they'd be descending and he looked out the window to the cabin below. 

 

[ https://www.zillow.com/homedetails/9806-Summit-View-Dr-Park-City-UT-84060/2141549934_zpid/ ](https://www.zillow.com/homedetails/9806-Summit-View-Dr-Park-City-UT-84060/2141549934_zpid/)

 

“Yutaka you promised we'd be alone this weekend. Why did we come to a ski resort?” He pouted and for once it actually looked like he was serious. 

 

Yutaka tried his damnedest to keep a hold of Takanori’s hand as it was pulled from his grasp. “Taka, I didn’t lie. This is my family’s cabin. I swear other than the staff that lives and works here we will be alone. It’s just us.”

 

Takanori didn’t look convinced at all. Hell, if Yutaka had to describe the attitude of his boyfriend as they unloaded from the helicopter, pissed off was the best way. What had happened between the time he’d picked him up at the apartment to now? And more importantly, how could he fix whatever it was?

 

As soon as the sound of the propellers died down, Yutaka approached the three people waiting for them, an older gentleman in a black suit and two women that flanked him. “Ah, Sam, good to see you. Jenine, Katy.” He nodded to the two women who bowed their head in response. Of all the staff his parents employed, the people here at the cabin were his favorite. Always had been. 

 

The head of staff nodded his head. “It’s good to see you too sir. We have your rooms ready, your luggage will be taken up right away.”

 

“Good, good. Sam this is my boyfriend, Takanori Matsumoto. Taka, this is our head of staff, Samuel. Don’t let his looks fool you, he tells the best jokes.” He said, watching as the two men shook his hands. 

 

“Mr. Matsumoto, I hope you will enjoy your stay with us. It’s so good to see someone here with Yutaka for once.”

 

He could tell Takanori wanted to ask questions but held his tongue. 

 

“Sam, can you show Takanori to his room then bring him down to the den when he’s ready? I need to make a quick call to my father.” Yutaka stated just as his cell phone started vibrating in his pocket. Of course his mother would want to know why he was spending the weekend at the cabin instead of with her in Paris.  _ Of course she would. _

 

“Yes sir, please, follow me.” 

 

His boyfriend was hesitant but followed Sam after a Yutaka made a motion with his hand. “Don’t worry. I’ll see you in just a few minutes. Have to get my parents off my back for the weekend.”

 

Takanori half chuckled at his lame joke and followed the butler into the house. As soon as he was out of sight, Yutaka answered his mother's call, making his way through the house and into the den. The call with his parents was short but still far too long in his opinion. His mother lecturing him on wasting his time when he could be with her, networking his way to the top, and his father asking if he was spending the weekend with Kouyou. Couldn't they just stay the hell out of his life? Even for one weekend? Just once he'd like not to have to answer to parents who were acting more immature than he ever h-

 

“Yuta?”

 

His internal rambling cut off the second that sweet voice reached his ears and he lowered the glass of scotch from his lips as he turned around. Takanori stood in the open archway looking curiously nervous. He'd changed clothes, into a long white T-shirt and black leggings. He was rubbing a socked foot back and forth on the hardwood floor. 

 

“Taka. There you are. Are you going to come in?”

 

Dark eyes met his from behind his glasses and the smile fell from Yutaka's lips. Something was seriously wrong here. 

 

“Babe. Tell me. We talk, remember? We talk about everything. Is it the house? The money? I don't want this to be a thing between us. If it helps we can ju-”

 

“It's not about the money or the house or anything like that Yutaka.” Takanori interrupted. “I- I'll admit I was a little taken aback by it all but this is just...it's your life. And we can talk about that later. There's something else. And I've been trying for the last week to find a way to bring this up but it never seems like the right time.”

 

Yutaka frowned, sitting down on the cushioned bench along the wall. “Well, let's make this the right time, okay? Tell me what's going on. Please.”

 

“I know about Kouyou.” 

 

The words were blurted out so quickly Yutaka didn't have time to recover. The feeling was what he imagined being shot in the chest would feel like, painful yet numbing as your body goes into shock. And in shock was exactly what he was. All he could do was so there and stare at his boyfriend. He took in every inch of his beautiful face and stored it away forever because this was it. Their end. With those four words their relationship was crumbling and Yutaka knew damn well he had no right to fight. This was his doing after all. He didn't even know what to say. 

 

“I'm...stupid, but not cruel.” He finally whispered into the silence that hung so heavy in the room. “I'll have your things taken back to the helicopter so you can go home. There will be a driver to take you back to your apartment.” Yutaka stood again, retrieving his phone from his pocket, but before he could make the call a small hand grabbed his wrist. 

 

“Yutaka I'm not going anywhere. Stop. We need to talk about this.” 

 

Yutaka scoffed. “What is there to talk about? I'm not going to try and deny anything, you already know the truth.”

 

Takanori's eyes narrowed. “So you started a relationship with me, despite already being with Kouyou, just to hurt me. Is that it? This was done maliciously just to mess with me, right?” 

 

“What!?” His eyes snapped up to meet the smaller man's. “That's not true at all. Taka I never wanted to hur-”

 

“Then I think we need to talk then, hm?”

 

Oh. Damn he'd fallen for that hadn't he? How did Takanori always manage to do that? He watched as his boyfriend turned away to take a seat on one of the leather sofas, motioning for him to do the same. And he did, albeit more hesitantly. 

 

“Sometimes Yuta, you make some very knee jerk decisions and I have to remind myself that you are five years younger than me. It doesn't seem like much but sometimes it shows, but you're not stupid.” Takanori started, pulling is legs up onto the sofa so he could face him. “I found out about you saying Kouyou about two weeks ago. At first I was angry, all I wanted to do was scream at you, but I decided it was better to think before I acted. So I watched you and really payed attention for a bit and I realized maybe I needed to understand what was going on better. The more I watched you, I quickly saw that I had done the right thing because I came to an important conclusion.”

 

“W- what was that Taka?”

 

A hand lifted to touch his cheek and Yutaka closed his eyes, just letting himself feel the warmth of his boyfriend's palm. 

 

“It's the way you look at me. When you're not longer paying attention to what I'm teaching you get this look on your face and at first it scared me but not now. You may not have said it out loud yet Yutaka but I know how you feel about me. I can see it so plainly in your expression. Your eyes hide nothing. I began to think there's no way a man can look at me like that and only be out to hurt me so I wanted to give you a chance to explain.”

 

“Ta-”

 

“You don't look at Kouyou like that. You don't love him, do you?”

 

Fuck. Takanori was really calling him out on everything wasn't he? It wasn't like Yutaka was going to deny he'd fallen in love with him but this isn't exactly the situation he imagined telling Takanori in. 

 

“I...used to. I loved him at one point. But he's not that person anymore. When I talked to him yesterday he said he was trying to be better for me, but I can tell it's not true. He's playing good because he's afraid to lose me. I don't feel anything towards him anymore other than sadness. I guess I mourn the person he used to be and keep hoping he'll figure it out.” He answered, watching as Takanori took in every word he said. 

 

“Then explain it to me. Why are you still with him?”

 

Yutaka took a deep breath, trying to calm the unease in his stomach. “Because I'm afraid of what he might do if I leave him. He knows things Take. Things I'm not proud of that could really hurt me. I'm terrified of what he may do to me or the people around me. I...thought if I could just keep this up until the end of semester then I could break things off with him and he couldn't hurt you. I didn't know what else to do.”

 

A sad smile formed on his boyfriend's face and he reached out to take Yutaka's hands in his own. “I figured it was something like this. I've come up with a plan. It's not good but it's the best I can do right now.”

 

“Takanori I will do anything if it means you won't leave me. Whatever you want. I'll do it.”

 

“I know honey, I know. So what you're going to do is just keep seeing him like nothing has changed-”

 

“But I can't d-”

 

Takanori held his hand up to silence him. “It's okay. I want you to keep things going and don't let him catch on to us. Do whatever you have to do. I'm sure he'll...expect certain things. It's fine. In a way, maybe this could be helpful for us too.”

 

“How could this possibly be good for us?” Yutaka snapped. “I can't just cheat on you.”

 

His boyfriend sat up on his knees then, hands coming up to frame his face. “It's not cheating if I know about it. And it could be. Because to be honest with you I...don't know when I'll be ready for...the physical side of stuff. And you've been so respectful towards my rules, but I know you must be irritated with me by now. So maybe having Kouyou could help alleviate some of that stress. Until I can stop being such a prude anyway.”

 

Yutaka didn't even know what to say. This wasn't right. “Taka, I haven't been with Kou since we started dating. I swear I haven't. And I'm not going to start now. You're not- you're not a prude. I told you I would wait until you said it was okay. I'm fine. And if there is a reason why you don't want to go further, then it's not my business to push you. You don't owe me an explanation.”

 

“Yutaka. I want to tell you, and someday I will. I believe you when you say you haven't been with him. But I'm sure he's getting suspicious. Baby, please, just do what you need to keep him from finding out about us, okay? Then when the semester ends you can tell Kouyou you're through with him and you'll be _ only mine _ .”

 

“Takanori. I have been  _ only yours _ since the day you walked into our lecture hall.”

 

A small giggle fell from those beautiful lips into the space between them. “You’re getting sappy again. So...are we okay? I know this isn’t what you wanted to spend the evening doing.”

 

Yutaka shook his head. “No, this needed to be done. I don’t...like the outcome but I guess it’s better than the alternative where you packed up your things and left me. Hey, I saw that.”

 

Takanori tried to hide a yawn behind his hand but Yutaka pulled it away to lace their fingers together.

 

“I’m sorry, I was up late last night planning for class and then up early worrying about if my plan was good enough and I just didn’t sleep well. I don’t want to waste any time we have but-”

 

“It’s okay Taka. Come on, let’s get you to bed.” He replied, pulling his boyfriend up from the sofa. Takanori didn't argue, slipping his arms around Yutaka's as they walked. It felt so good to be alone here. They spent most of their time at Takanori's apartment or in his office at the school just trying to get some privacy but this was the first time they'd really been alone anywhere and Yutaka knew he wouldn't want to go home on Monday. 

 

Once they reached the room bed had set up, both of them seemed hesitant to part ways. Yutaka knew it was wishful thinking that Takanori might invite him to stay in his room but it didn’t mean he wasn’t secretly hoping for it. They hadn’t slept in the same bed yet, only falling asleep on the couch together maybe twice, but his boyfriend would always wake up after a while and move to his bedroom. Part of him wanted to just...ask if he could stay, but the logical part of him kept him silent. He refused to push Takanori no matter how badly he  _ wanted _ too. So Yutaka just squeezed his hands before withdrawing and letting Takanori slip into his bedroom. 

 

The door softly clicked shut and Yutaka felt himself grinning, leaning in to knock gently on the wood. “Taka?”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“You were right by the way. About me. I am head over heels in love with you. Have a good night sweetheart.” 

 

The squeal that came through the door left him laughing all the way back to his own room.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are heating up a bit. But it's still going to be a long weekend I think.

He was so  _ stupid. _

  


Takanori flopped over onto his back for what must have been the millionth time, sleep the farthest thing from his tired mind. His entire body seemed to ache with phantom pains reflecting the breaking of his heart. All he had wanted was to prove that he could be mature and handle this situation with Yutaka the best way possible. The week before when he had come to the conclusion that Kouyou was too dangerous to be messed with Takanori had believed that this was the only way to save his still budding relationship. 

  


Now though, he was one hundred percent sure he was just a fucking idiot. He knew damn well that this would turn him into the most paranoid, anxiety riddled person on the planet. Every time Yutaka wasn't with him he'd only be able to think about him with the blond. Holding  _ Kouyou's  _ hand, kissing  _ Kouyou's _ lips, making love to-

  


The thought alone made his stomach roll.

  


No. He couldn't do this. But whatever Kouyou was holding over Yutaka's head had Takanori worried because his boyfriend was scared. Forcing Yutaka to break up with him seemed selfish considering the backlash that could come from it. But how was he supposed to deal with this? He...liked Yutaka. A lot. But wasn't this too much? And shouldn't he have told him about this situation much sooner? What if…

  


What if Yutaka hadn't told him because it was all a lie? Maybe Kouyou knew Yutaka was having a fling with him on the side. Maybe it was a thing rich people did to make themselves feel more important. Date a less fortunate person to make their own sense of self worth higher. It was possible. 

  


It was also possible that Yutaka was a good actor. He was smart after all. He would know how to make Takanori feel comfortable like he actually meant something to him. Maybe Yutaka was really just as cruel as the rest of the stuck up people he'd met at the school and this was all just a game. He would go back to Kouyou and they'd laugh about how naive and gullible Takanori was. 

  


That seemed more plausible that he wanted to admit. 

  


Frustrated with the whole damn thing, Takanori got out of bed, pulled on his jeans, and made his way out of the bedroom. What if he just took his stuff and started walking? How far was it to the closest town? Could he make it? He just wanted to go home. A fucking student was giving him the run around, making him look pathetic and stupid, and it was beginning to hurt too much. 

  


Although, in reality, he should have known something was up. Takanori had put on the rose colored glasses the moment Yutaka had sat down with him and tried to comfort him after his first class. He should have seen it. Why would someone like Yutaka even give him a second glance? Especially when he had someone like Kouyou already. There was no way he could actually compete with someone like that. He and Yutaka were from completely different worlds. Worlds that would never intersect if it hadn't been for the brunette seeking him out. It had to be a game. He was slumming it with Takanori and going home to have a good laugh with his rich, beautiful, boyfriend. He was the butt of this joke. 

  


“Sir? May I help you with something?”

  


Takanori stopped in his tracks, turning around to find Samuel just coming out of another room. 

  


“Oh, um…” Should he try? Could this man help him escape? “Do you have a car here? Could you take me to the nearest town?”

  


The older man frowned, closing the door behind him. “Mr. Matsumoto, has something happened? I cannot refuse your orders, but if you'll excuse my forwardness, may I ask why you wish to leave?”

  


He shuffled from foot to foot. “I learned something about my relationship. I can't stay here with Yutaka any longer. Please, help me?”

  


Samuel nodded. “As you wish. Let me gather your things. If you will just wait for me here I will be back shortly.”

  


“Thank you. I'm sorry to be such a trouble to you. I will wait here.” He said, taking a seat at the kitchen bar that he'd wandered in to. This wasn't what he wanted to do, but was there really any other choice? He didn't want to be bait in this game anymore. Maybe his life would go back to normal. 

  


Takanori lost track of time until he heard footsteps coming back down the hall. He quickly slid off the barstool to meet the other man but stopped in his tracks when he caught sight of Yutaka instead of Samuel. 

  


“Yutaka, what are you doing awake? It's the middle of the night?” He asked, backing away towards the bar. 

  


There was sadness in the taller man's eyes as he approached but Takanori squared his shoulders. He wasn't going to let Yutaka's pretty words change his mind. All he had to do was keep his heart from making his decisions. 

  


“I could ask you the same thing. You look like you haven't slept at all. Samuel apologizes but he felt it was in my best interest to tell me you wanted to leave. You could have just told me Takanori. I understand. I've instructed him to take your things back to the helicopter. Just like I said before, everything has been arranged. I would have left you alone but I just wanted to see you one more time before you left. I don't...want you to leave.” 

  


Takanori had to stop himself from punching himself in the face just for  _ thinking  _ that Yutaka was being sincere. “Please just stop Yutaka. I'm done. And you don't have to do this any longer. You and Kouyou can find someone else to play with. I'm too tired. Thank you for everything you've done for me. I'll see you in class.” 

  


Yutaka didn't even try to say anything as he walked past him to follow Samuel back out to the helicopter pad. It wasn't until he was about to step outside that his hand was caught in a vice like grip. He turned to find Yutaka, a panicked look on his face. 

  


“Yutaka?”

  


“I'll break it off with him!” He exclaimed, and Takanori's eyes blew wide. “Taka I swear as soon as we get back I'll break up with Kouyou. I'm so sorry I didn't tell you. I'm sorry that I even allowed this to happen. Please. Please Takanori don't leave me. I don't want to lose you. Just talk to me. Tell me what I need to do.”

  


Takanori could only stare at him. What was he acting like this for? Wasn't he taking this all too far? 

  


“Yutaka stop it!” He snapped, yanking his hand away. “Just stop. Okay. It's over. Go back to Kouyou and find someone else to torture.” 

  


“What are you talking about Taka? Who's torturing you? I don't understand what the hell is going on.” Yutaka stepped back, arms crossed over his chest. He looked angry for the first time since Takanori had met him and honestly, it was kind of intimidating. “If you're angry because of me, because I'm a cheater, then so be it, but could you at least tell me why all of a sudden you want to leave after we just talked about this?”

  


“Because you  _ lied!”  _ Takanori found himself yelling. “You lied to me. You don't fucking love me Yutaka. You're toying with me and I'm sure you and your perfect boyfriend have a good laugh about it when you get home. Is that what rich people like you do? Prey on poor people for fun? You make me sick! And what's worse is that I'm the fucking idiot who fell for it. I should have known better. So whatever little game you were playing, it's done. I'm going home.”

  


Takanori turned towards the door again but Yutaka stepped passed him, blocking his escape. 

  


“Yutaka. Move!”

  


“No. I'm not letting you leave until we talk.”

  


“We've  _ talked  _ enough. Get the fuck out of my way!”

  


“Stop being so fucking stupid! You truly believe I've been lying to you for a whole month? You  _ honestly _ believe I don't care about you? Let me tell you something about how  _ I  _ feel, Takanori. I hate myself for allowing this fucked up situation with Kouyou to go on for so long. I hate that it has hurt you. I suppose I understand why Kouyou finds any way to make me stay because I would do anything for you not to walk out this door. What I told you was the truth Taka. I didn't know we would go this far, but we have, and I love you so much. I know you care about me too. In your own way. And I know all that stuff you said about me staying with Kouyou was all bullshit. I'm going to break up with him. Let him destroy me, I don't care, as long as I don't lose you. Takanori, please just let me make things right.”

  


Time seemed to come to a stand still as Takanori stood there, glaring up at his boyfriend. The pleading look in Yutaka's eyes seemed so genuinely scared. And everything in his being  _ wanted  _ to believe that this was real. That Yutaka truly did love him, but how could he?

  


“How...do I know you aren't fucking with me just to keep in Kouyou's good graces? Maybe he's forcing you to be with me for his own sick satisfaction? Because Yutaka where I'm from people like you and people like me do not mix. You shouldn't have even given me a second glance. You're going to grow up in exactly the same lifestyle you always have. Always extravagant, never needing for anything, and I don't fit into that world. I have to assume that Kouyou put you up to this for his own entertainment or that you've done this yourself because your just another bored rich kid. There is no other explanation.”

  


Yutaka's shoulders fell. The intimidation gone. “You think I can't love you because I come from money and you don't? That's not even fair. Is that why you continue to treat me like a friend who occasionally gets to hold your hand? Because that's how I feel Taka. I know how I feel about you, but you won't let your guard down enough to even let me in and it's all beca-” Yutaka stopped, rubbing at his eyes with his fingers. “You know what? Fine. If you  _ honestly  _ believe the shit you're telling me then just leave. The sooner you go the sooner I can get over you I guess.”

  


With that the brunette moved away from the door, disappearing somewhere in the cabin. Takanori was left trembling, his hand shooting out to brace himself on the wall. It fucking  _ hurt _ . His chest ached, his stomach rolled, and his eyes started watering. What was he supposed to do? He just couldn't let Yutaka abuse him like this right? Wasn't he just manipulating him again?

  


Wiping at his eyes, Takanori pushed the door open, stepping out into the night breeze. Samuel was waiting for him beside the helicopter, but he wasn't smiling. 

  


“Your things have been loaded. We can be ready for take off in about five minutes. Are you sure you wish to leave Sir?”

  


Takanori tried and failed to keep his bottom lip from trembling. “I...yes. I'm sure. Thank you.” He managed to get out, allowing Samuel to help him into the helicopter. The door was shut behind him and he sat back in his seat. He kept swallowing, feeling like he was going to be outright sick. Should this hurt so much if it was the right thing to do? He pressed the back of his hand over his mouth as the propellers started to move. 

  


“Just a few more minutes!” The pilot yelled back to him and Takanori couldn't take it anymore. 

  


It took a few frustrating seconds to get the door open from the haze of tears in his eyes but once he was free, he took off back into the cabin. He almost fell over trying to kick off his shoes before falling into a dead run through the hallways. It took forever but he finally found the brunette standing in the den, staring out the window. His head turned, eyes narrowed as they fell on him. 

  


“Takan-”

  


“I do care about you!” He yelled, hands balled into fists. “I care about you so much Yutaka. I don't want to leave. I want to be with you. I want- I just want you to be mine. Only mine.”

  


Yutaka stared at him. At his tear streaked face and shaking shoulders, before slowly walking over to him, arms slipping around his waist and hauling him against a hard chest. Takanori let himself melt into those arms, wrapping his own around the taller man's neck. 

  


“I am only yours Takanori. I swear it. My heart belongs to you and you alone. I will break things off with Kouyou as soon as I get home. I will deal with whatever the fall out is. We'll be okay.” Yutaka reassured him, burying his face into his hair. 

  


“Yuta I don't want him to hurt you.” He answered, pulling away just a bit. “Whatever we need to do for now, we will do it. I know it's not going to be easy but I cannot let him hurt you.” 

  


“Okay. We can figure it out later. For now, why don't we just go back to bed? Come stay with me. Please? I promise I won't try anything with you. I just want you to sleep next to me. I don't want to let go of you tonight.”

  


Takanori just nodded his head, unwilling to let go of his boyfriend. Yutaka seemed to understand, leading him from the den back upstairs to the bedrooms. The closer they got the more nervous he started to become though. This would be the first time he'd actually slept in a bed with Yutaka and he wasn't prepared at all. What if he snored? What if Yutaka saw him in the morning with his hair all messed up and drool on his pillow? What if he  _ talked  _ in his sleep?? He really should just go back to his room and they could talk in the morning. But before he could protest they were already walking into the room, the door making a final thud as it trapped him inside. 

  


He didn't have time to notice how this room was even more extravagant than the one he'd been given, too focused on his boyfriend pulling his shirt over his head. And all he could do was fucking  _ stare _ . Takanori had never seen Yutaka even half naked and now he was wishing the other would just put the shirt back on. He wasn't sure what kind of work out Yutaka was doing but it was obviously working from the looks of all that lean muscle. Takanori had to admit his thoughts weren't exactly pure. 

  


“Please tell me you don't sleep naked.” He blurted out before he could filter his words and Yutaka just laughed. 

  


“I don't normally, but I could make an exception for you.”

  


Takanori shook his head. “No! I mean, no. That's not necessary. I was actually hoping you'd put clothes  _ back  _ on.”

  


Yutaka looked almost disappointed for a moment. “Am I that bad looking?” He asked, reaching for the shirt he'd thrown off. 

  


“What? No, of course not. I mean- Yutaka don't make me say it. You know damn well how you look.”

  


His boyfriend grinned, tossing his shirt over to him. Takanori caught it but was only more confused. 

  


“Never worn your boyfriend's shirt to bed before?” 

  


Oh. Ooooooh that's what he wanted? Takanori felt...a bit giddy. He'd never done anything like this. “I'm just going to change real quick okay?” He asked, stepping towards the en suite bathroom. Goodness he really did have bathroom envy though as he looked around the room. He'd never leave the bath if he lived here. Not wanting to keep Yutaka awake any longer, Takanori slipped his shirt off, hesitating on the buttons of his jeans. He didn't want to offend… In the end he kept his jeans on, quickly putting on Yutaka's long shirt. It was soft and smelled just like him. Takanori bunched the fabric to his nose, inhaling deeply. Fuck he smelled so nice. 

  


_ Stop it Taka you're being a creep. _

  


Rolling his eyes at himself in the mirror, Takanori turned off the light and headed back into the bedroom. Yutaka was sitting on the edge of the bed reading something on his phone. Why was he so jittery? That bed was huge, it wasn't likely they'd even touch! He had to get a grip on himself. 

  


“You're gonna wear jeans to bed? That can't be comfortable. Taka I promise I won't touch you.” 

  


This was such a bad idea. Takanori slipped out of his jeans, folding them and setting them on the ground before lifting the blankets to crawl into bed. His entire body was far too tense as he pulled the covers up to his chin and rolled onto his side, facing away from Yutaka on the edge of the bed. There was no way he'd actually sleep like this anyway. Not with Yutaka being so close. 

  


He felt the bed shift just a bit as Yutaka lay down, and tried to close his eyes but they were yanked back open when fingers brushed along his back. Takanori stayed still, waiting for Yutaka to move closer, but he didn't. His knuckles brushed up and down Takanori's spine a few times before his boyfriend rolled back over and left him alone. 

  


“Good night Taka. Get some sleep.” He said into the quiet darkness and all Takanori could do was hum in acknowledgement. 

  


__________

  


Takanori slept like shit. Absolute shit. 

It wasn't that the bed wasn't comfortable, hell it was like sleeping on a cloud, or that he wasn't tired, because he was exhausted. No. It was because every fucking time he heard Yutaka breathe he wanted to close the giant gap between them and kiss the man until he couldn't breathe anymore. His fingertips tingling, aching to touch all that bare skin. He  _ wanted  _ to be closer to Yutaka, truly, but Takanori knew he couldn't yet because he wasn't ready. The kissing and touching was fine to a point but he knew Yutaka would probably want more, and it just wasn't time yet. 

  


Though he had to admit that by the time his boyfriend got up the next morning and he heard the water running in the shower, Takanori was in quite a state. And now picturing the hot water rolling down Yutaka's shoulders, his tone stomach, left him panting as he moved to the other side of the bed. The sheets were still warm from the other's body heat and Takanori whimpered, reaching down to palm himself through his boxers. He could just imagine himself stepping into that shower. Placing kisses along Yutaka's spine as his arms slid around his waist. Takanori pushed his boxers down his thighs until they only hung around one ankle. He was just so fucking hot. Closing his eyes, he imagined his hand tracing over his boyfriend's hip, fingers circling his erection, as he stroked his own already hard cock. Would Yutaka like this? Would he let him get him off like this? 

  


Maybe he'd need more than just his hand. Maybe he'd turn them around, pushing Takanori to his knees under the spray of water. He imagined Yutaka would be a bit rough, forcing himself deeper into Takanori's mouth before he was used to it. And he'd choke, but keep trying, sucking and using his tongue the best he could until Yutaka took control again, gripping his hair and yanking him forward to fuck his throat. Takanori could feel tears leaking from his eyes as he worked his hand over himself, rubbing his thumb under the sensitive head of his cock. His toes curled, knees lifting to shove his heels into the mattress, and just as he imagined his boyfriend coming down his throat his own orgasm rolled through his body, yanking his spine from the bed and a curse from his lips. 

  


His eyes were still screwed shut as he stroked himself through it until the touch became too much. “Mmm...fuck Yutaka…”.

  


“Fuck me is right. If you're that sexy by yourself I can't even imagine how you'll be with me.”

  


Takanori's eyes snapped open, trained on the brunette leaned against the wall. In his embarrassment he was clumsy as he sat up, pulling his shirt down to cover his body. Oh hell, he'd just done that hadn't he? He'd just jacked off thinking of Yutaka while wearing his fucking shirt! In his bed!!

  


“I- Oh god. I don't even know what to say. I don't know what I was thinking. Yutaka please pretend you didn't see anything. I...I'll pay for new sheets, a- and a new shirt of course. I just…can you just give me a moment please?”

  


Yutaka only smiled that million dollar grin that left his heart beating wild in his chest. “Taka, it's not a big deal. I can only imagine you've been just as horny as I have lately. It's normal. Though I wish you had let me watch from the beginning. What were you thinking about anyway? Me maybe?” He asked, moving to stand by the edge of the bed closest to him. 

  


Takanori scooted back against the headboard, trying to get as far away as possible. “N-no. I wasn't thinking about you. Of course not. That's...that's disrespectful a-and I wou-”

  


“Disrespectful? I'm your boyfriend. I think it's okay, don't you? I mean, I was thinking about you Takanori. See?” 

  


No matter how hard he tried to resist, Takanori's eyes fell straight to where he could see the hard outline of Yutaka's cock through the soft towel he had around his hips and his lips parted to help him breathe. Fuck he was getting aroused all over again…

  


“I- I see.” He whispered, unable to pull his gaze away as Yutaka's fingers so lazily stroked up and down for his eyes to follow, and he set one foot up on the side of the bed. 

  


“Mhm. I was thinking about you while I was in the shower. I imagined you out here in my bed, all naked and waiting for me under these cool sheets. I'd start at the bottom of course. You have such cute legs, and delectably soft thighs. I'd have a hard time controlling myself there, marking them up with my teeth.”

  


Takanori was dying. He pressed a hand to his erection, closing his legs tight in an effort to hold himself together. But Yutaka wasn't stopping, holding the towel up so Takanori couldn't actually  _ see  _ anything as his left hand delved inside. 

  


“Would you like that Taka? Me leaving my marks all over your thighs? Maybe your hips? I'd be so hungry. I'd just have to have you in my mouth. Could you hold it together if I let you fuck my mouth Takanori? I'd let you. Then I'd have to kiss you. Let you taste yourself on my tongue because I know you're going to taste like heaven.” He paused again, a frown appearing on his face as his eyes fell closed. Was he close? 

  


Takanori didn't have time to think, the words falling from his lips like a waterfall. “Yes, Yutaka I wanna taste you.” 

  


A groan pulled from Yutaka's throat, a look of complete bliss taking over his expression as he obviously hit his peak and Takanori could see the dampness through the towel when he came. He was panting almost as hard as Yutaka himself when his boyfriend opened his eyes, smiling down at him. 

  


“Thank you. I guess this means we're even now huh?” He chuckled, walking back into the bathroom. 

  


Takanori followed right behind him. “Yutaka this...this doesn't cha-”

  


The brunette reached out to ruffle his hair. “Don't worry, I know. I don't expect anything. I just...didn't want you to be embarrassed Taka. And honestly I needed that. After laying so close to you all night I was basically dying over here. I'm thankful that you stayed with me, but you were right, separate rooms are a better idea. There's a shower in your room too if you want to go take one. Meet me in the kitchen for breakfast?”

  


Takanori nodded. “Thank you Yuta, for understanding.” He said, turning to leave, but looked back over his shoulder. “That was insanely hot by the way.  _ You're  _ insanely sexy.”

  


“Get out of here before I do something I regret.”

  


With a giggle Takanori did as he was told, knowing he'd probably have to take care of himself again in the shower because they needed to seriously talk, and he wouldn't be able to do that with his dick just begging for everything Yutaka had described. He was in for a long weekend...


	7. Chapter 7

Takanori took his time in the shower and getting ready for the day. He had to work up the courage to face Yutaka again after all. 

 

_ Even now, my ass. _

 

Now he just couldn't get the memory of water droplets rolling down Yutaka's neck as his head tossed back in pleasure. Takanori was sure his poor eyes had just exploded out of his head. His boyfriend was...so damn gorgeous like that. Hell, he'd never witnessed anything as hot as that, and it made his jeans uncomfortably tight just recalling the moment. 

 

But  _ fuck _ Yutaka had seen him  _ naked _ . Well...close enough anyway. Why the hell had he decided to do that on his bed anyway? And Yutaka had just taken it in stride hadn't he?

 

Takanori tried his best to recall the look on Yutaka's face when he had realized his boyfriend was watching but...as hard as he tried he couldn't remember the brunette looking disappointed. Maybe it was Yutaka wearing the rose glasses after all. Because there was certainly not anything sexy about him like the other had insinuated. And what  _ was  _ that about him tasting like heaven? Surely Yutaka had been just feeding a fantasy, right? No guy Takanori had ever dated had been willing to do  _ that  _ for him. Yutaka was...different. 

 

Deciding he couldn't hide in his room any longer, Takanori made his way through the resort sized cabin until he found the kitchen again and his jaw fell open as he saw the spread of breakfast foods arranged on the table. Were they feeding an army? And it all looked so good it made his mouth water. 

 

A chuckled from his left had him turning his eyes to Yutaka who looked almost as good as the food in just a white T-shirt and blue jeans. 

 

“Are you hungry Taka? You did work up an appetite earlier right?” He teased and Takanori felt himself blushing up to his ears. Couldn't he just let that go!? 

 

“Yutaka I asked you to forget about that!” He hissed, begrudgingly taking a plate the brunette handed him. 

 

Yutaka only grinned. “You couldn't even beat that memory out of my head if you wanted too. I'll never forget. It's nice outside this morning. I thought we could have breakfast out on the deck? So just pick whatever you like. I had the cook make the staff's favorites so whatever we don't take they can enjoy too.”

 

That was... awfully nice of him. 

 

“Ah, good good. Because there's no way you and I could eat all of this. This is a bit embarrassing but I mainly stick with what I cook at home for breakfast. I...don't know what some of this is.” Takanori admitted, looking at something that looked like a flat pancake. 

 

“Oh, of course. No problem.” 

 

Once his plate was more than full, Takanori followed a chatty Yutaka outside to a small table on the hard wood deck. He was right; it was beautiful outside. The sun was shining and painted the landscape of mountains in hues of green and blues. The air felt so fresh here unlike in the city. 

 

“This is beautiful Yuta. Thank you for bringing me here.” He said as the other pulled a chair out for him. 

 

“I knew you'd like it.” He replied, leaning down to nuzzle his hair. “I'm just glad you stayed Taka.”

 

Takanori was aware he was becoming too accustomed to Yutaka's little affections, craving them really, but couldn't stop himself. 

 

“I...am too. But Yutaka we do have to talk. About Kouyou, and about how I've been treating you.”

 

Yutaka frowned, popping a piece of a melon into his mouth. “Treating me? What do you mean? But I agree, we do need to talk. I want this to work between us Taka so please tell me what I can do to make you more comfortable.”

 

“We need to figure out what to do about Kouyou first. And honestly, though it makes me sick, I don't think you breaking up with him is the best idea right now. It's only a couple months n-”

 

“No. Taka you already got upset and tried to leave because of this once. I can't do it.”

 

“Yuta. Listen to me. Please.” He said, reaching for the little container of vanilla flavoured syrup. “That...wasn't so much about Kouyou as it was about me. I told you I don't have much in the way of self confidence. And I just laid there thinking about how much better you would fit with Kouyou and how inferior I was and that's what...triggered me.”

 

Yutaka frowned, putting his fork back down. “But I wouldn't fit better with him. Kouyou is- he's only beautiful on the outside. He's become so ugly inside that I don't think he can stop it anymore. I don't want to be around someone like that. Takanori you're beautiful inside and out. I know you don't think so but you'll have to trust me.”

 

“I do. Yutaka I do trust you. I just needed to get out of my own head. But I also trust you to do what's best for  _ our  _ relationship, and that may not be breaking up with Kouyou yet. I can't help because I don't know the whole situation but if what he's holding over you is truly as bad as it seems, then I don't want to piss him off right now. Let's just try this. And maybe try to not...sleep with him. As much as possible. Okay?” 

 

His boyfriend didn't look happy about the situation. Not one bit. But he also looked defeated, like he knew this probably was the best choice no matter how much neither of them liked it. “Okay. We'll try it, but as soon as those final grades come out Taka I'm ending it. And I think I can keep blocking him when it comes to sex. I'm busy after all. I just don't even want to think about being that close to anyone but you. I mean I haven't even been able to kiss you yet. What if you decide during this that you don't want me anymore?” 

 

Takanori sat back in his chair for a moment trying to think of a way to reassure him. “Yuta...your birthday is the end of October. If you can...wait for me until then I will give you that kiss. I promise. I'm not going to change my mind about you, but that's the best I can do for now.”

 

A cute little smirk slipped on to his boyfriend's lips. “A kiss for my birthday? Maybe turning twenty three won't be so bad then. You better not mean a kiss on the cheek Taka. Don't tease me like that.”

 

“No, a real kiss. However you want it to happen.” He chuckled, rolling his eyes at how serious Yutaka sounded. “But...no more than that. I'm sorry.”

 

“Don't be sorry. I told you already that it's fine. But I look forward to that kiss. Hey...Taka how did you find out about Kouyou?”

 

“Oh. Well, I went into the teacher's lounge for coffee-”

 

“An extra large coffee.”

 

“Shut up. A couple of the other teachers were talking about some kind of...gala thing? They said the schools power couple would be there. Did you know they call you that?” Takanori tried to play it off as funny but Yutaka just lowered his gaze to the floor. “Baby? Hey, it's okay. We're gonna work through this, right?”

 

Yutaka obviously faked a smile and nodded. “Yeah, we will. Somehow.”

 

Takanori tried his best for the rest of breakfast to change the subject away from Kouyou and for the most part it worked. Yutaka was back to smiling and laughing and that's all that mattered. They truly would get through this. They had too. Because deep down inside, Takanori knew the truth. He was terrified of it, but he loved Yutaka too. 

 

___________

 

“No. No way. Yutaka I didn’t bring a swimsuit. And I’m not really that great a swimmer. What are you do- Oh fuck. Yuta...I’ll scream! I swear I’ll scream and call the police. Don’t come any closer.” 

 

Takanori tried his best to back away from his boyfriend but his legs hit the edge of a lounge chair and he ended up on his ass. Yutaka didn’t stop though, leaning over him, knees on either side of his legs. He was too close! And his hands were gripping the hem of his shirt. 

 

“Come on Taka. The water is warm. Just come with me for a bit. Please?” He asked, sitting back. 

 

“You can’t just say please and get whatever you want! I’m not goi- Ah!” Try as he might Takanori ended up in a fit of laughter as Yutaka’s fingers skimmed up and down his bare sides. With his legs trapped he couldn’t get away, all he could do was push at Yutaka’s chest. “Okay! Okay I’ll get in the pool just let me go!” 

 

Yutaka finally relented, allowing him to breathe again as he stood from the lounge. “I knew you’d eventually see things my way.”

 

“It’s hard to say no when you’re holding me down and torturing me!” 

 

“I’ll hold you down anytime you want babe. Now come on. Strip! The pools waiting.” 

 

Takanori groaned as Yutaka did just that, stripping off his shirt and jeans. This was unfair. Was he purposely teasing him like this in hopes of pushing him further? 

 

“Yutaka I don-”

 

The brunette turned back towards him. “You don’t have to come in Taka, I was only teasing. If you don’t want to then at least come put your feet in. I promise it feels good. And we can talk more while you relax.”

 

Leave it to Yutaka to make him feel comfortable after relentlessly teasing him. “That...I could do that.” He answered, rolling up his pant legs as his boyfriend slipped into the pool. Yutaka was right. The water was warm and it smelled...so good. Whatever it was made his muscles feel like jelly. “This is nice.”

 

Yutaka's wet arms folded on top of his knees and Takanori just couldn't stop himself from running his fingers back through his wet hair. If it was possible he looked even more adorable. “Our housekeeper puts in different scents every month. This one is my favorite though. Even if it does make me a bit sleepy. How are you feeling?” 

 

“Better. I can't believe I'm twenty-seven years old and just got tickled into submission by my twenty two year old boyfriend. This is not exactly where I saw my life headed when I moved to the states.”

 

“Am I...hindering you from doing what you want Taka?”

 

“No! No no. That's not what I meant at all Yuta. This was unexpected but not unwanted. It just amazes me how things can turn out sometimes.” Takanori replied, resting his arms on top of Yutaka's. “Speaking of the unexpected. Do I have to go to this ball thing since I'm a teacher? What even is this whole thing?”

 

“It's a fundraiser Taka. Every year the school throws this masquerade ball and it's so overdone, but it does rake in a ton of money. And they auction off some pretty sparkly jewelry. Unfortunately yes, you are expected to attend. Don't worry, I'll take you to the right place to find a costume. And it's on Halloween night, so after my birthday. So maybe I'll be able to steal a kiss from you and make the night worth while.” 

 

“Oh? I'll be swept away by a masked prince then?” 

 

Yutaka's smile was too bright. “You very well might. Would you reward him for taking you away from such a boring party?”

 

Takanori leaned forward to touch their noses together. “I would have to thank him somehow.”

 

“That's what I wanted to hear.” 

 

One second the moment was sweet and Takanori felt like he was on cloud nine, the next he was being yanked off the edge of the pool into water. The fear of getting pulled under left him clinging to the body in front of him but it never happened. He stayed above, his arms tightened around Yutaka's neck. 

 

“What the hell? Yutaka why?! Do you know how hard it is to take wet skinny jeans off? I said I didn't want to swim!” 

 

The answering laugh had him full on pouting. “I know, I know. But I couldn't help it. I just wanted to be closer. I won't let you drown, I promise.”

 

“Y-you better not.” He whispered, leaning his head on his boyfriend’s shoulder as his legs were guided around narrow hips. 

 

“I’d never let you get hurt.” 

 

That was...water, from being pulled into the pool, right? No way was he actually  _ crying.  _ What the hell? Maybe he was. Maybe that was okay. He’d been emotionally stressed all night. It was only natural. Yeah, that was it. 

 

Despite the uncomfortable feeling of his now wet clothes, Takanori felt...happy. Happy and comfortable. 

 

“I know you’re only using my potential drowning as an excuse to get your hands on me.” He said, his lips just barely ghosting over the skin of his neck. 

 

“That may be true. You’ve figured out my ulterior motives. I’ve been telling you from the beginning Taka, your ass just begs to be in my hands.” 

 

“Yutaka! How many times do I have to tell you not to say things like that?!” 

 

Yutaka just laughed. “You’re going to have to tell me many, many times I believe. Um, Takanori...I want to ask you something, but I don’t want to upset you. So if you don’t want to answer then don’t force yourself, I’ll understand.”

 

Takanori lifted his head to look down into those chocolate eyes he loved to drown in. Something was truly worrying his boyfriend. How long had he been wanting to ask whatever this was? “Okay, go ahead then. I’ll see if I can answer.”

 

The grip on his thighs tightened. “It’s just...I’ve never asked because I know it’s really none of my business, but that first night we spent out together, at the concert, the lights went out and you-”

 

“You want to know why I’m afraid of the dark?” He asked, feeling like he’d just swallowed a mouthful of gravel. This was a conversation he was  _ definitely _ not ready to have. Not now, not anytime soon. Maybe never. “I just...I'm not ready to talk about that Yuta. I'm sorry.”

 

Yutaka shook his head. “You don't have to apologise. I told you I didn't need an answer. You can tell me when you're ready or never, if you don't want too. Obviously whatever the reason, it upsets you. So forget I mentioned it for now okay? I don't want you to be upset.”

 

Yeah. He was definitely in love with this boy. How could he be so sweet? 

 

“Yutaka, thank you. I still hate you for pulling me into this giant bathtub but thank you for not pushing me.” He answered, letting his hands run along his boyfriend's broad shoulders. Oh no. Nope. 

 

_ Hands to yourself Taka. _

 

“But um, how did you know how to deal with me when I freaked out? How did you know what I was afraid of?” 

 

Yutaka's hands seemed to take the suggestion his own started, trailing up and down his legs. It felt too good to stop him. Besides he wasn't breaking the rules right? He was still over the clothes. 

 

“Well, I've had experience with this sort of thing.” Yutaka started. “I don't want to bring him up again, but it's because of Kouyou. His older sister used to trap him in closets and when I would find him it was like he was unconsolable. He would just lay in my arms and cry, his whole body shaking just like you were. So I would just hold him tight and try to reassure him. It happened so often that I got better at helping. It scares me though because it took Kouyou until he was almost fifteen to finally be able to deal with being alone in the dark again. For you to still be so affected, something horrible must have happened. I'm not...shaming you for it or anything like that. But like I said, I don't like seeing you upset. So I promise to be conscientious about it and you can always count on me to help you.”

 

Takanori couldn't say anything. His chest was so tight there was no way he could even form words. So he buried his face into his neck and just held on to him. 

 

“Taka?”

 

“No talking.”

 

Yutaka laughed, hugging him just that much closer. They spent a good amount of time just like that. Yutaka had moved to the shallow end of the pool, sitting on the lowest stair, but refusing to let Takanori off his lap. Which really he wasn't going to complain about. This was the first time since they had started dating that they felt so real. It felt like they would...last. As if they were meant to be, and suddenly Takanori understood what Yutaka had meant during their talk the night before. 

 

“Yuta? Can we go change now? I'm starting to feel a bit like a boiled dumpling.” Takanori got up, feeling a bit shrink wrapped as he climbed out of the water. 

 

“You're the cutest dumpling though.” Yutaka commented, drying off a bit before just hanging the towel around his neck. He really just wasn't self conscious at all was he? 

 

“You're so cheesy. Can you hand me a towel please?” 

 

Takanori knew he was in trouble as Yutaka grabbed a fluffy towel from the shelf and held it out of reach. “You'll just soak the towel if you're still in those wet clothes. Better take them off first.”

 

He lasted about twenty seconds in Yutaka's staredown before giving up with a curse and fighting his way out of his wet jeans and shirt. The moment he stood back up though the towel was wrapped around him and he was being ushered back into the house. Despite his playful attitude Yutaka was quiet as they parted ways to get dressed. It wasn't until he was standing in front of his own door that Takanori realized what he needed to do to make Yutaka see how he felt. 

 

The brunette had just pulled his shirt back on when Takanori walked up behind him, patting his shoulder. 

 

“I thought you went to ch-”

 

“I have been treating you like a friend. Hell, I've let you touch me more in the past hour than I have all month. What you said is true. I'm afraid to open with you because in my fucked up head I'm still just trying to save myself from getting hurt when you don't want me anymore.” He blurted out, watching Yutaka's eyes widen. “I'm sorry Yuta. I know you want more from me and I'm trying. I really am and I want to prove it to you. If only just a little bit. I wish I could make you understand how hard it is for me to trust you, but I can't. You just have to trust me that this is a big deal to me. Okay?”

 

Yutaka reached out for his hands and Takanori let him. “You don't have to prove anything to me. I do understand to a point. I respect you enough to not have to understand all of it.”

 

“I know. You're so...patient with me. I want to give something back. I want to stay with you again tonight Yutaka. But I don't want that space between us. I just want to fall asleep in your arms. Can I do that?”

 

“Yeah. Of course you can Taka.”

 

And he did. That night, once again wearing one of Yutaka's shirts, he crawled into bed and waited for his boyfriend to join him. His heart was pounding but not out of fear this time. 

 

“You okay baby?” 

 

Takanori nodded. “Can I...um, I don't like people behind me.”

 

Yutaka gave him a look that was far too sweet. “I'm just gonna lay down and you do whatever you want okay?”

 

He was hesitant at first, slowly scooting over to wear Yutaka had laid down on his back. Takanori laid down beside him, close enough their hands touched, and what he'd assumed would be awkward turned out to be relaxing. And some time during the night, Yutaka turned to lay his head on Takanori's chest, one arm wrapped around his waist. The weight on top of him didn't even bother him because he knew the man in his arms wasn't going to hurt him. It was the most peaceful night's sleep he'd had maybe ever. 

 

____________

 

The rest of their weekend went by far too quickly for both of them. He could tell Yutaka felt the same by the way he made a point to check over his entire apartment...twice, just so he didn't have to leave. 

 

“You're being paranoid Yuta. The door was locked when we got here.” Takanori said, pulling his suitcase into the bedroom. 

 

“I just want to make sure your safe. You never know. You don't exactly live in the best part of town Taka.” 

 

“What?” He scoffed. “You're being ridiculous. This is a fine area. Just admit you don't wanna leave me.”

 

Yutaka stuck his head into the bedroom, a cute smile on his face. “You've got me all figured out it seems. Then just to ease my worry, why don't you come stay with me for a few nights? That would definitely make me feel much better. I mean if I'm too upset I may not be able to go to school. What if I start missing classes?”

 

Takanori stopped moving for a moment, hands hanging uselessly in the air. Did he just…

“Yutaka, did you just ask me to come stay with you? Like during the week? I don't think your parents would appreciate that. A-and I have work to do that I don't think I'd get done around you.”

 

“I would make sure you get your work done. I'd bring you your meals and make sure everything is quiet for you. I could even massage your shoulders if you get too tense.” Yutaka said nonchalantly as he laid down across Takanori's bed. “Give you a good rub down from head to your cute little toes. And when you've finished, I'll bring you a glass of wine and maybe if you're really nice to me I'd even carry you off to bed. How does that sound?”

 

“It sounds like you're a hopeless romantic. How about a compromise? I'll come stay with you on Friday nights and you can come stay with me on Saturdays? Then I can get my work done Sunday while you serve me that wine.” Takanori offered, brushing his thumb along his boyfriend's smiling lips. 

 

“I like that plan.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this one is a bit short, the next will make up for it!!

“Wow...I've never seen so many masks before.” 

 

Yutaka watched Takanori closely as he wandered around the shop. His boyfriend had insisted that he wanted to find his own costume without help so it would be a surprise, but Yutaka had convinced him to at least shop for a mask with him. He'd wanted Takanori to have something quality that he could use again so they'd come to the shop where Yutaka had picked out his own with Kouyou just a few weeks prior. 

 

“Oh, you're back? It's good to see you again Yutaka.” The woman behind the counter said, her sparkling green eyes framed by a golden mask. She wore an old Venetian costume to match. 

 

“You too Lori. That's quite an outfit you have there. Oh, this is my- my friend, and lit professor, Takanori. Taka, this is Lori. She's been helping me with costumes for a few years now.”

 

Takanori bowed his head and Lori did the same, adding a bit if a curtsy to it. “It's nice to meet you Takanori. Are you looking for anything in particular today? I thought you'd already figured out your costume this year?”

 

Yutaka nodded. “I'm just the chauffeur today. Takanori is looking for a mask for the ball.”

 

“Oh! Of course. Do you know what colors you'd like?” She asked, already looping her arm through his professor's and dragging him off. All Yutaka could do was shake his head. 

 

A beep from his phone had his smile sliding right off his face though. The closer they got to the ball the more clingy Kouyou was becoming and it had been hard enough to keep this charade going for the last month. Having to force himself not to cringe every time Kouyou touched him was exhausting. And the whole time he spent with the blond was just wishing he could be with Takanori instead. Add in the fact that Kouyou was starting to get really pissed off at the way Yutaka kept making up excuses not to have sex with him and this was like living a nightmare. The only time he felt even remotely happy anymore was around Takanori, and the professor had been busy lately with school related things so they hadn't been able to spend as much time together. Sometimes the weekend was the only time and even a couple of those had been shortened to one day. He needed time with Takanori that wasn't spent in a lecture hall. 

 

<Kouyou>

Happy Birthday Yuta!! 

Do you have any plans for the day? I cleared my schedule so I could spend the day with you. I'm sure you'd want to spend time with your boyfriend on your birthday, right?

 

Yes. Yes he did. And that's what he was trying to do. 

 

<Yutaka>

Thank you Kou. Of course I want to spend the day with my boyfriend, but unfortunately I won't be in town. Could we celebrate tomorrow instead?

 

He could practically hear Kouyou’s whine in his head when the text came through. 

 

<Kouyou>

For real Yutaka? I’m starting to think you’re just avoiding me. But I guess tomorrow will have to do. Why don’t you just come over here for awhile. I’ll wear something special for you because I know you’ve been so busy lately. I’ll help you relax. Try to have a good day anyway alright?

 

<Yutaka>

I will try. Thank you for being so understanding Kou. Really. I’m getting ready to leave now, so I’ll text you when I get back.

 

<Kouyou>

Anything for you Yuta. Be safe. Love you.

 

Yutaka felt like he was going to be sick as he read over Kouyou’s last message. He couldn’t say it back though. 

 

“Yutaka? Are you feeling okay? You don’t look well.” 

 

Turning his phone off, he slid it back into his pocket before turning towards Takanori’s voice. A smile immediately curved his lips at the sight of the black mask that fit so perfectly on his face. It was delicate but not overly feminine, just a little lace and tiny jewels. 

 

“Taka that’s beautiful. You look gorgeous.” 

 

Yutaka could see the blush rising in Takanori's cheeks even behind the mask. He could help but reach out and cup that cute face in his palms. 

 

“Yuta...you're being suspicious.” His professor whispered, but those eyes never left his own. 

 

“I can't help it when you're so perfect.” He replied just as quietly. 

 

A giggle. “If I didn't know better, I'd say that you must be infatuated with me.”

 

Yutaka leaned down until the space between their lips became heated by their mingling breath. “I think I prefer the word love. I must be in love with you.” 

 

The way Takanori grinned up at him made Yutaka wish he could step outside and shout to anyone within range that he was indeed completely and totally,  _ hopelessly in _ love with Takanori. And someday he would. For now he only wanted to spend his birthday with the person he loved most. 

 

“Y-Yutaka stop it…” Takanori whispered, putting his hand up to Yutaka's lips. “You're going to get us caught.”

 

“Not by me!” Lori suddenly sang from behind them. “Honestly Yutaka, 'my friend’? I'd be disappointed in you if that was true. Hell if I was straight I'd have already hit on this little hottie ten times by now.” 

 

“Oh my g…” Takanori's words were muffled as he fell against his chest, obviously embarrassed by the shop owner's words. 

 

“Thank goodness you're the sapphic princess then huh?” Yutaka teased her back, holding Takanori to him. It wasn't often they could be like this in public but it felt good and he couldn't wait to be able to walk down the street, arm around his boyfriend. He truly was whipped wasn't he? “Lori can you ring this up for me?” He asked, pointing to the mask. 

 

“Wait. What do you mean for you, Yutaka? I can buy my own m-” Yutaka cut him off with a finger over his lips, mimicking his actions. 

 

“I know you can. But it's my right as your boyfriend to spoil you, so get used to it.”

 

Takanori made a whiny sound in the back of his throat that Yutaka had already become accustomed to, but didn’t say anything more on the subject. To his absolute delight he was able to pay for the mask. Lori wrapped it up nicely for them and they said their goodbyes, leaving the little store to head back to the Mercedes he’d driven. Takanori complained too much when he called for a driver so they’d been putting quite a few miles on the SUV lately. Honestly Yutaka hated it. He didn’t mind driving, but it kept him from having his full attention on his boyfriend and that part he detested. Isn’t this why he had a driver to begin with?

 

“Hey Yutaka?” Takanori started as they climbed into the vehicle. “Umm, do you think it would be okay if you dropped me off at my apartment for a little while? You should go and see Kouyou. Just to pacify him. There’s this thing I forgot I needed to get emailed off before tonight but I’ll text you as soon as I’m done and then you can come back and we’ll celebrate. Okay?”

 

“What? Taka no. I don’t want to go see him. This is my birthday, I just want to spend it with you.” He answered, putting the key in the ignition with a bit more force than necessary. 

 

“I know, I know, but I seriously just need a few hours to finish this work then I promise I will spend the rest of the day with you. And...if you surprise Kouyou then maybe he will be happy enough to get off your back for awhile.”

 

“He doesn’t just want to hang out and celebrate. It’s a special day. He wants to give me a present.” 

 

Takanori sighed, a sound that was far unproportionate to the man himself. “I know that too. But Yutaka you can’t keep him at bay for another month and a half. You know that. Just...give him what he wants. Then come back to me. You’re attracted to him enough to do it, right?”

 

“I don’t even want to answer that.

 

“Yutaka stop! We talked about this before. It’s okay. Just do as I ask. I’ll be distracted enough not to think about what you’re doing.”

 

Yutaka stayed silent, his teeth grinding together. This was not the day he wanted. “Fine. I'll go, but I hate this. You better be prepared for that kiss when I come back. Got it?”

 

His boyfriend smiled even if it was obviously forced. “Thank you baby. I promise I will be one hundred percent in celebration mode by the time you get back.” Takanori said, reaching over to put his hand on his thigh. 

 

“You keep touching me like that and we aren't going to make it out of the parking lot. And I'm not going to be able to keep my promise. I love you, but unless you want me to throw you in the back seat, you should stop.”

 

“Okay. I'll stop.” Takanori chuckled, giving him a squeeze before retreating to his side of the vehicle. 

 

___________________

 

Fuck. Just fuck. 

 

He would literally rather be any place else in the world that standing in front of Kouyou's apartment door. Why the hell was he even here? Why was he knocking on the door?

 

The door was pulled open and he hated himself for the way his eyes roamed over Kouyou. His long legs on display from the bottom of a long t-shirt that hung off his shoulder. His long, blonde hair was pulled up in a messy ponytail, pieces left in twists to frame his face. He wore just light makeup, much more toned down than normal, but he looked so soft and beautiful. 

 

“Oh. Yutaka! I thought you were out of town? But you're here!” 

 

Long arms wound around his neck and then Kouyou was in his arms. Why did part of him still enjoy this? He knew it was true when he'd told Takanori he was the only one Yutaka loved, so this was just confusing. Takanori had informed him that it had to be lust. That he was still physically attracted to Kouyou, and though it pissed him off, Yutaka knew that was true too. His beautiful little boyfriend had tried to comfort him, saying it was natural. Even made a joke that he himself found Kouyou attractive so he couldn't blame Yutaka for feeling the same way. It still felt horrible. 

 

And yet, his body reacted without conscious thought, his arms wrapping around Kouyou's waist. Fuck, he did feel so good, tall and thin but soft in all the right places. 

 

“I just wanted to- to surprise you.” He muttered just before Kouyou's lips met his own. Despite his chest aching, his body remembered how this went. How to kiss the blond until he was all but putty in his hands. Where to touch to make the most beautiful sighs and moans fall from his plush lips. It was all too easy. 

 

“Well I am very surprised. I'm so happy that you're here Yuta. But you should have called! I said I'd wear something nice for you and you caught me about to get in the shower. I look horrible.” Kouyou whined, burying his face in his shoulder. 

 

Yutaka scoffed, walking Kouyou into the apartment and kicking the door shut behind them. “Baby you look fine. You always look fine. I'm not too keen on you answering the door half naked though. Don't do that again.”

 

Kouyou was grinning as he pulled away, his nose crinkling up adorably. “Okay well, how about I check the peephole next time and answer like this.” He said, pulling his t-shirt off and letting it fall to the floor. 

 

Yutaka shook his head, reaching for the blonde's hips. “You're incorrigible Kou. And so sexy. I uh, actually only have a couple hours before I leave town so-”

 

“So take me to the bedroom and we can put those couple hours to good use.” 

 

It really wasn't worth arguing, was it? Yutaka ran his hands down to Kouyou's thighs, lifting him up to wrap his legs around him. 

 

____________

 

<Takanori>

All done! Text me when you're headed this way please. 😘

 

<Yutaka>

Just a few blocks away. I'm so ready to see you.

 

Yutaka smiled as he sent the text off to his boyfriend. It had taken him almost an hour after leaving Kouyou's to stop at his house and shower. He'd scrubbed his skin until it almost hurt, unable to wash the feeling away. He wanted to see Takanori more than anything but he just felt so...gross. He couldn't do this again. 

 

Once he made it to his boyfriend's apartment his nerves were starting to calm down. He began to relax and  _ breathe _ . At least he did until the door opened. 

 

“Happy birthday Yuta!” Takanori shouted, the biggest smile he'd ever seen gracing his face. His hair was fluffy like he'd let it air dry and he wore a big sweatshirt (probably stolen from him) with a pair of sleep shorts. But the thing that caught his attention, other than those delicious looking legs, was the cute little apron he was wearing. It was baby pink adorned with some Japanese animal cartoon eating sushi. The ties and edges were even a bit...frilly. Fuck. Was he really  _ allowed  _ to look this sweet and cute? 

 

Yutaka caught himself smiling genuinely for the first time in hours as he caught Takanori around the waist and hugged him close. “I missed you.” He whispered, his lips dangerously close to the other's pierced ear. 

 

Takanori laughed, hugging him back. “It was only a few hours.”

 

“It was an eternity.” He replied, the door falling closed behind them as he sat Takanori up on the back of the sofa. “All I could think about was my birthday kiss. You said however I wanted, right?”

 

His boyfriend bit his lip in a way that would have brought Yutaka to his knees had he not been holding him up. 

 

“I did say that…”

 

Yutaka didn't give him time to change his mind, his lips attaching to that delectable patch of skin just below Takanori's ear. It blew his fucking mind how sweet he tasted, his ears just drinking in the little mewls of approval as fingers dug into his hair, and he pulled him off balance so the other was basically straddling his thigh. He just couldn't help it, couldn't get enough. He tasted every soft inch of Takanori's neck as his boyfriend arched backwards. Yutaka could feel him growing hard through his thin shorts and began to move his leg to touch him more. His scalp tingled from how hard Takanori pulled on his hair but he couldn't bring himself to care as he was now grinding himself against his thigh. He was so fucking hot. Every part of Yutaka wanted to throw him down on the sofa and find all the little places that would make him moan, but he was already pushing his luck and he knew it. 

 

So when Takanori's hands slid down to yank at the front of his shirt, Yutaka pulled away. Oh yeah, he'd definitely left a few bruises on that beautiful throat, and the sight only turned him on more, but he had to stop. He'd made a promise. His boyfriend's eyes were hazy, his breathing laboured, as he tried to pull himself back together. 

 

“I thought… I thought you'd actually kiss me.” He all but panted and Yutaka gently set him back on his feet. 

 

“I will Take. Just not tonight. I'm sorry.” He said, brushing his hair back from his eyes.  

 

Takanori actually looked confused. “Why? You said you were looking forward to it. I mean, it's been over two months. I thought-”

 

“I can't bring myself to kiss you when I can still taste him on my tongue.” Yutaka replied rather bluntly, putting a little space between them and lowering his gaze. Honestly he shouldn't have touched Takanori tonight at all. He didn't deserve it. And the look on his boyfriend's expression mirrored his thoughts. 

 

Takanori's eyes slid away from his own, his hand coming up to press to his own chest. “Thank you then. Um, so what was  _ that  _ all about anyway? I already took a shower but maybe I need a cold one.”

 

“Ah, how could I possibly resist you with that cute little outfit? Have you been cooking?”

 

His boyfriend frowned, then looked down at himself. “Oh! I forgot to take this stupid thing off. You weren't supposed to see this!” He blurted out, yanking the apron over his head. The arm if his sweater got caught, raising up to show a bit of his stomach, and the bandage on his side. 

 

“Taka? What happened here? Are you okay?” He asked, reaching out to touch him, but his hand was slapped away. 

 

“Nothing. It's nothing. Don't worry.” 

 

Yutaka's eyes narrowed as his boyfriend took off for the kitchen. “Takanori. Don't walk away from me. This is obviously not nothing. Tell me what happened. Please.”

 

Takanori stopped, his fingers drumming on the counter of the bar. “I just...Yutaka, don't freak out okay?”

 

“Now it sounds like I should be freaking out.”

 

“I was just so wound up. I couldn't stop thinking about you with Kouyou and I was just...standing there, staring at myself in the mirror in my room and the next thing I knew my fingers were bloody. I couldn't stop the scratching and-”

 

Before he could say anything more Yutaka stepped up to him, lifting the hem of his sweater. He stopped himself before he pulled the bandage off. 

 

“You did this...to yourself? Takanori how long have you been doing this? Have you done it before? Because of me? Have you hurt yourself before because of me?” He asked, his voice quiet compared the beating of his heart in his ears. 

 

Takanori's eyes were shiny with unshed tears when their eyes finally met again. Dammit. How had he not noticed this for two months? 

 

“Only one other time, but it wasn't because of you. It was because I was nervous about school starting. I take my meds and I'm fine. I just kind of forgot for the past couple days because I was so busy planning- things. I took it as soon as it happened. I swear I won't forget again. Yutaka I'm sorry. You weren't supposed to know about this and now I'm messing up your birthday.” 

 

“Takanori. You've messed up nothing. Sweetheart why didn't you tell me about this? That this was...happening. You should have called me or something I would have come right over.”

 

“I know.” Takanori said, his voice so soft. “But I don't even realize it's happening until I've done it. Don't worry, I have it under control. Please, can we just ignore it for now? I don't want to dwell on this. We're here for your birthday, right? I want to show you something I made you!” The happy smile was back on his face and he continued into the little kitchen. 

 

“I'll let it go for now, but sooner or later we are going to talk about this. Okay, show me what you made.”

 

“Happy birthday!” He yelled again, setting the cutest little cake down on the bar. It was just big enough for the two of them and looked...just like the cake he'd given Takanori the day of his second class. “I didn't even buy it Yuta! I baked it and frosted it. It looks okay right?”

 

How could he possibly stay upset when his boyfriend was so fucking perfect? 

 

“It looks amazing Taka. Is this what you spent all afternoon doing?” He asked, stepping behind the counter so he could wrap his arms around Takanori's shoulders from behind. “You're such a little liar. Such a convincing one too. I can't believe you did all of this for me. You're so sweet.” 

 

Takanori giggled, running his finger through the icing on the side of the cake before lifting it up to his mouth and sucking it off. “Mmm it tastes the same too. I did! It took longer than I thought. I took a shower but didn't have time to get ready. And now you've seen my Neko Atsume apron. I don't think we can date after this.” 

 

“Oh is that so? I think next time you make a cake for me you should wear  _ just  _ the apron. That way I can watch that cute little ass while you're baking.” Yutaka dipped his finger into the frosting then dabbed it on Takanori's neck. He took his time licking it off, thinking of all the other places he'd love to be licking. His boyfriend's head had fallen back against his shoulder, giving him more room, and Yutaka took full advantage of it. Now that he'd gotten a taste he knew he would crave more, but it was so worth it. 

 

“Yuta? Will you stay with me tonight? I know it's a week day, and you have class tomorrow morning, so I won't keep you up late. I just don't wanna let you go.”

 

Yutaka hummed, placing a last kiss to a warm shoulder. “I couldn't ask for a better birthday present then that Taka. But what do you say we cut this cake first hm?”

 

Takanori rattled on about how he'd struggled baking the cake because he didn't really know how to cook, while he cut it, and Yutaka listened to every word. He loved the little moments between them like this. When they just existed and nothing needed to be made special because to them every moment was special. They took their cake to the living room where Takanori popped in a movie, sci-fi because it was  _ his birthday  _ after all, and they spent the rest of the evening mocking the movie and just laughing with one another. Sometime around ten Takanori finally fell asleep, slumping over against Yutaka's shoulder. He didn't mind though. In fact he loved being able to carry the other into the bedroom and finally be able to join him in bed. He was still cautious of Takanori's dislikes though so he didn't try to cuddle up to him or anything, just laid on the other side of the bed and relaxed until the soft snores from his boyfriend lulled him to sleep.


	9. Chapter 9

Classes had been cancelled for the day. The committee in charge of the masquerade ball were busy putting up the last of the decorations for the night so the rest of the school had been vacated. Which Takanori was thankful for since he needed time to get ready, but at the same time it meant he wouldn't see Yutaka until later either. 

 

Takanori sat his glass of tea on the bar, hearing his phone beep from his bedroom. He didn't even try to stop himself from grinning when he saw his boyfriend's name on the screen. 

 

<Yutaka>

Have you started getting ready? Maybe you could send me a preview? I missed seeing you this morning. I stopped by the school for a run through of events with the dean. Everything looks so perfect. I’ve never actually been excited for the ball before. Not even my first year here. But with you there, I’m looking forward to it.

 

<Takanori>

I haven’t started yet, but no, you’re not getting a preview. I told you it was a secret and a secret it will stay. You’ll just have to be patient. Yes, I too missed watching you ignore my lecture while sending me cute texts. If you weren’t in the top of the class I would have reprimanded you already. Maybe I should. Just take that phone from you so you’re forced to pay attention to me. You’re such a sap, I swear. Well, I am excited because I’ve never been to something like this. Plus I’m hoping to meet my very own prince charming there.

 

<Yutaka>

I have been very patient where you’re concerned, don’t you agree? If you take my phone I will start drawing pictures and holding them up for you  _ and  _ the rest of the class to see. And what do you mean ‘in the top’? I  _ am  _ the top. In every situation. Prince Charming hm? Are you in need of rescuing, my fair princess?

 

_ Oh geez.  _ Yutaka could really lay it on thick couldn’t he? Even making Takanori blush through text. How was he supposed to resist that? 

 

<Takanori>

That innuendo did not go unnoticed Yuta… And yes, you have been very patient for me and I really do thank you for that. Fine, keep your phone, but if anyone looks please at least try to look like you’re paying attention, because it isn’t fair that you get a distraction and I don’t. 

I...might just be in need of rescuing.

 

<Yutaka>

I have to keep myself distracted or I won't be able to stay in my seat. Then the class really would get a show. We could show them an example of all that romance we talked about last week hm? 

You don't need to thank me. I love you. I'd do anything you asked Taka. Including rescuing you from all the 'dragons’ that are sure to want to eat you up tonight. 

I have to go now though sweetheart to start getting ready. I will see you later tonight. 

 

Was he really… _ oh hell _ . His boyfriend was such a pervert. And Takanori was one hundred percent sure Yutaka would be happy to show them the romance as long as he could get those hands on him. Truth be told all he'd been able to think about the past few days was how Yutaka's lips felt on his neck. He'd never gone further though which was both relieving and frustrating. For a moment the way he'd been manhandled had left Takanori's adrenaline surging but once the kissing had started he'd relaxed, knowing he was perfectly safe in Yutaka's arms. 

 

He absolutely could not wait for the real thing. 

 

Takanori sighed. He supposed it was time for him to start getting ready too. He’d been so excited when he’d finally found all the pieces for his outfit, but now as he pulled it from the closet, Takanori began to have second thoughts. Maybe he should have just rented a tux. Maybe this was too much, too risque for this event. It was at a  _ school,  _ and he was a man after all. Why did he always have to go so overboard? The answer, though maddening, was simple. He’d been dressing for Yutaka, not the ball. 

 

Would Yutaka even like this though? Or was it too feminine?

 

_ Just put on the damn clothes Takanori,  _ he mentally berated himself. Everything would be fine. 

 

It felt strangely comforting pulling on the black tights. The tops of them were ripped all across his thighs and he knew Yutaka would love that. Next came the white dress shirt that he tucked into a black, loose fitting skirt. The front fell just above his knees, the back a little longer. The button front corset piece was last, fitting a little high on his waist but that was fine. After straightening his recently bleached hair a little and doing his makeup, Takanori slipped on a pair of long, black lace gloves and the little tie for his shirt. The black hat fit perfectly without messing his hair up too much. The form fitting suit coat he’d found had obviously been tailored for a woman, but fit him well, and was long in the back, covering the skirt, and had three buttons in the front. The last thing he put on before leaving was a pair of stiletto, thigh high, black boots. He couldn’t help but smile at himself in the full length mirror. He liked this. Not so much how he looked, but how he felt. Anonymous, like he could be anyone he wanted tonight. Because really, who would  _ want  _ to be Takanori? 

 

With one last deep breath, he grabbed the box his mask was in and left the apartment. 

 

_________

 

Yutaka had been right. They’d really gone all out for this thing. They’d even rolled out a red carpet leading to the front doors of the school, and photographers lined one side of it. Takanori needed less than a second to decide he was sneaking in through a side door. He didn’t want that level of attention drawn to himself. He did spot Yuu and Kazuki however, and had to smile. They truly did look happy together. Once inside, he handed his coat over to be checked and walked through the main hall into the ballroom. His eyes widened seeing how extravagant it all looked decorated in white and black. The floors had even been waxed to reflect the giant chandeliers hanging above them, and made Takanori feel even more like he should be there, but no, tonight he  _ did  _ belong. So instead of slinking off into a corner, he held his head high, even when people started watching him. Let them look, it was fine. 

 

For awhile he just walked around, watching people dance, listening to the music. He loved classical music like this, hearing it played live. One of the wait staff offered him a flute of champagne and he took it hesitantly. He wasn’t much of a drinker, but one glass wouldn’t hurt, and he’d never actually had champagne before. A few sips later Takanori had decided he liked the way the tart liquid bubbled over his tongue. Yes, this was much better than beer. 

 

“I admire your choice in costume. It’s just the right amount of daring.”

 

Takanori turned to find a rather tall woman smiling down at him. She wore a white mask paired with her long blond hair and a ball gown worthy of a queen. She seemed so familiar but Takanori couldn’t quite figure out why. 

 

“Ah, thank you. I’ve never attended anything like this so I wasn’t sure this would be appropriate, then I figured it was worth a shot. Your gown though blows away any competition here. It had to have been made just for you. I’m going to guess the designer is...French?” He replied, all the while mentally telling himself to just say thank you and shut the hell up. 

 

“You flatter me.” She laughed lightly. “And you would be correct. That’s an interesting party trick. My son did tell me you were someone I’d like, and I can see why.”

 

Her son? “Oh, is your son in my class?”

 

Another musical laugh, followed by a quick curtsey. “My name is Amelia Takashima.”

 

Takash- Oh fuck.

 

“Oh my gosh.” Takanori quickly bowed his head. “Mrs. Takashima, forgive me. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

 

“Nothing to forgive dear. You are interesting. Let’s do lunch soon Takanori.”

 

And just like that she was gone. Oh god. Kouyou was talking to his mother about him? And now the dean’s wife was seeking him out? Takanori wanted to leave, maybe never come back, but he never got the chance to escape. 

 

“Matsumoto? Is that you?”

 

Now that was a familiar voice. Takanori faced his student with a friendly smile. “Suzuki. Wow you clean up rather nice.” And that was true. For once his hair wasn’t all spiked up, falling instead in soft natural waves. He wore a dark blue pinstripe suit that fit him perfectly, obviously tailored, and paired it with a white undershirt and baby blue tie that matched his mask. 

 

Yeah, not bad at all.

 

Akira’s almost amber eyes were soft, a quality that Takanori had found strange at first, but Yutaka had told him that Akira was a good guy, that he was trustworthy. “You can all me Akira you know, or Aki. I don’t mind either way. And thank you, but really I don’t think anyone here could compete with you tonight. No offense but I never thought you of all people could be so...beautifully tempting.”

 

Takanori chuckled at that. “Well, we are supposed to be acting the part right? So I guess this is me for the night.” He said as the music died down a bit and changed to something slower. Akira stuck his hand out towards him with a grin.

 

“Dance with me? Please?”

 

“Eh? I don’t think that would be appropriate Akira. I’m your teacher.” 

 

Akira rolled his eyes behind his mask. “Not tonight you aren’t. Come on. You can follow my lead.”

 

Though it seemed like a bad idea, Takanori took Akira’s offered hand, but seriously he really could  _ not _ dance. 

 

“Don’t stare at your feet.”

 

“If I don’t I’ll surely step on yours.” He explained, but Akira only laughed. 

 

“That’s fine. Just look at me. Stop trying to anticipate my move and just follow...see?”

 

Turned out Akira was right. When he just relaxed, it was far more enjoyable. 

 

“Say Akira? What’s your story hm? I mean Yutaka and Kouyou are together, and Yuu with Kazuki, but I never see you with anyone. Are you just not interested or?” Takanori wasn’t sure where the question came from. He was just as surprised as Akira seemed to be. 

 

“Well, can you keep a secret Professor?” He asked, pulling Takanori closer to him. 

 

“I can. I’m very good at keeping secrets actually.”

 

“Hmm. I believe that. Well, you see, I  _ am  _ in love. With Kouyou.”

 

Takanori stumbled, almost falling into the blond. “You’re what?! But...he’s with Yutaka. Does he know?”

 

“No, of course he doesn’t know. There would be no reason to tell him. He’s with Yutaka, like you said.”

 

“I know, but...they’re strange together, don’t you think? Just from what I’ve seen in class.”

 

“The four of us have been friends since basically birth, Takanori. When Kouyou and Yutaka started showing interest in each other, Kou’s mom all but forced them into spending every waking moment together. She has told Kouiyou since he was about...thirteen that he  _ had  _ to hold on to Yutaka. That he should do everything he possibly could to keep him at his side. It’s not...healthy at all. And I believe some of Kou’s problems stem from that. He is totally obsessed with being with Yuta. He can’t see anyone else. If I were to say anything, it would only harm the relationship we have formed over the years. I think, to be perfectly honest with you, the part that makes me the most irritated is that I don’t think either of them actually love each other anymore. Kouyou thinks he’s in love but it’s only obsession and Yutaka doesn’t seem to want him at all.”

 

“I know.” Takanori started, unaware of how his words sounded to his student. “Of course that would make you angry. I’m afraid of what might happen if Yutaka ever decides to break things off. Would Kouyou really hurt him just to keep this relationship going?”

 

Akira’s eyes narrowed and he leaned closer. “Why does it sound like you know more about this situation than you should Takanori?”

 

The professor felt his heart racing. Could he trust Akira? Maybe...just maybe they could help one another?

 

“Can  _ you  _ keep a secret Akira?”

 

“For my favorite professor, I think I can.” The other smirked. 

 

Takanori scoffed, but honestly the compliment was nice. “He’ll kill me for telling you, but Yutaka and I have been dating since the beginning of the semester.”

 

Akira’s expression fell and for a moment he was sure the other was about to lash out at him, but then he only sighed, his hand on Takanori’s back moving up and down in a comforting manner. “That makes sense. All the times he’s said he has to deal with work for his parents. He was with you, right? And you know he’s still been dating Kouyou?”

 

“I do. Actually I was the one who told him to keep it up. Not because I want to hurt Kouyou though. I am just so worried Akira. Yutaka says Kouyou has something over him that he’d use if he tried to dump him. I’m afraid of Kouyou. I don’t want to hurt him but I don’t want him to hurt Yutaka either. I really, really like him. I know all of this is wrong but-”

 

“You don’t have to explain it to me Takanori. I understand. And I wish I could tell you that your worries are unfounded but with Kouyou...I can’t. I know what he’s holding over Yutaka, but all I can say is that it wouldn’t be just Yutaka’s life that would get fucked up and that’s why he won’t leave Kouyou. He’s protecting the other person.”

 

“Other person? Who is it?” He asked as the current song came to an end and Akira stepped away, bowing his head. 

 

“Thank you for the dance, but you’ll have to ask Yutaka yourself. Your secret is safe with me though.”

 

“Wait! Akira, please, can you give this to Yutaka?” Takanori pulled a small piece of paper from his pocket and handed it to the blond who only nodded and disappeared into the throng of people. 

 

Yutaka had told him that he and Kouyou would be announced when they arrived so Takanori grabbed another glass of champagne and made his way to one of the empty tables that lined one side of the great hall. 

 

“Excuse me, Professor Matsumoto?”

 

Takanori looked up to find a member of the staff, a young guy. “Uh, yes, that’s me.”

 

“I was told to deliver this to you.” He said, handing over a small black envelope. “Enjoy the rest of your evening, sir.”

 

What the hell was this? Inside was just a plain black card with gold lettering on it, written obviously by hand. 

 

_ You deserve the truth. Room 538. _

 

Takanori flipped the little card around but the other side was just blank. Who could have sent this? And why did just holding the card in his hands make him feel sick to his stomach? Yutaka couldn’t have sent this, right? No, his boyfriend had already told him they wouldn’t be able to see each other until later on in the evening. This had to be something else. Curiosity finally got the best of him and Takanori left the ball, heading for the maths wing where he found room 538 at the end of a long hallway. The classroom was dark but he could see that the light was on in the office so he headed that way. 

 

“Hello?” He called, sticking his head into the room. The only person there was a woman, another teacher if he was remembering correctly. He’d seen her a few times, but couldn’t remember her name. She was his height, with short cut black hair. Very...normal looking. She wasn’t wearing a costume either so Takanori assumed she hadn’t been at the party. 

 

She smiled, turning in her chair to face him. “Ah, Matsumoto. I'm glad you accepted my invitation. We have a lot to talk about.”

 

“We do? I’m sorry, but do I know you?” He replied, staying by the door so he could leave if needed. 

 

“No, you don’t, but I’ve been watching you for awhile now. I thought it was about time we meet face to face.” 

 

Takanori frowned, crossing his arms over his chest. “Well, I’m kind of in a hurry. I have a party to get back to.”

 

“You have to get back to the party or back to Yutaka?”

 

That made him pause. This woman knew about his relationship with Yutaka? Were they in big trouble here? “If you’re asking that then I can only assume you already know the answer. What is it you wanted me to come here for?”

 

The woman actually looked disappointed for a moment. “He really hasn’t mentioned me to you then.” She said, standing from her chair. “My name is Evelyn Kim. And no, you don’t have to worry. I’m not here to get you in any trouble. Quite the opposite really. I’m here as a friend of sorts.”

 

“A friend huh? I don’t even know you. Why have you been watching me?”

 

“Because I don’t want you to end up in my situation. Ever since I saw Yutaka approach you on the first day of school I’ve kind of just kept an eye on you. Here at school at least. I’ve seen you two leaving the lecture hall together quite a bit. Sometimes holding hands. Takanori, trust me when I say you need to get away from him before he ruins your life too.”

 

Okay, if you know so well then get on it with it. How do you know Yutaka?"   
  
Evelyn leaned back against the side of the desk. "He was my student. His freshman year Yutaka was in my calculus class. He was smart without being an ass about it, and funny, flirty even. I didn't think much about it until about halfway through the semester. His grade dropped dramatically and he began asking for extra credit assignments to bring it back up, but I told him I couldn't do that. He seemed to accept his fate but things changed. The flirting became more prevalent and before I could figure out what was going on, of course I'd fallen for him. Just like you seem to have. Yutaka and the other three that follow him around, they are exquisite actors. I truly believed that Yutaka had feelings for me. He said all the right things, made all the right gestures, and a couple weeks later we ended up in bed together." She paused and Takanori scoffed.   
  
"So you brought me here to tell me I'm not the first teacher he's dated, is that it?"   
  
"No, that was just the beginning of it. He took me back to his house that night, and everything was great. Amazing really. Until not even five seconds later he got up, got dressed, and walked over to the bookshelf. He pulled a small device out and pulled a memory card from it. I was appalled. He'd recorded the whole thing Takanori. At first I thought well, he's a dumb college kid. Probably some kind of trophy for him. I asked him to delete it and he just smirked at me and said, "I might. Depends on what grade I pass your class with". He blackmailed me with that video and I was forced to give him the grade he asked for. I thought it would be over but now I know Kouyou has a copy of the video. I've been living in fear of what they'll do with it for two years now. Don't you see Takanori? I don't want them to do this to anyone else. I had to warn you."   
  
Blackmail? Yutaka did all of this? Takanori felt like he was going to be sick, his stomach cramping just as painfully as his heart. How could the man he knew do something like that? Maybe...he didn't know Yutaka at all.

 

“But Yutaka isn’t failing my class. He’s not failing anything. So what would be the point in dating me?”

 

Evelyn’s eyes narrowed. “Even if your situation is different I’m sure there is a reason. Why would he want to date someone like us when he has Kouyou already? I don’t know what the reason is Takanori, I just know that I needed to tell you the truth before anything happened to you. What you do now is your choice. Just be careful. None of them can be trusted.”

 

None of them? But he’d...confided in Akira…

 

“I understand.” Takanori said, trying to swallow past the tightness of his throat. Thank you for telling me. I have to get back now.”

 

Without giving her another chance to speak, Takanori left the room, making his way back to his own lecture hall. His vision was blurry already as he tried to unlock the door. Once inside, with jerky movements, he pulled off his boots, letting them fall to the floor, as well as his hat, mask and coat. He just needed some air, needed to breathe. The hall was cold and helped to calm him a little as he laid down on the first row bench. Truthfully, he didn’t even want to think about what was going on. How could Yutaka do something like this to someone else? How could he live with something like that? And now...what was he supposed to do? If Yutaka really had an ulterior motive to dating him, then shouldn’t he just break up with him now? Just the thought brought on a whole new wave of tears.

 

__________

 

At some point he must have cried himself to sleep, exhaustion from swirl of anxieties in his head too much to fight any longer. Takanori heard the door of the hall open and shut before Yutaka was calling for him, then scooting onto the bench beside him. 

 

“Takanori? Taka are you sleeping?” He asked, his palm cupping Takanori’s cheek.

 

“Please...just go away.” Was all the energy he had left to say. 

 

“Have you been crying? Taka, hey, sit up please. What’s wrong?” 

 

The hurt and anger in his heart forced him to sit up, wiping at the no doubt ruined makeup on his face. He met his boyfriend’s worried gaze and had to hold back another outburst of tears. Why had he allowed himself to end up in this situation? Hadn’t he known from the beginning that Yutaka would break his heart? And yet his student sat here looking  _ so concerned.  _ How was Yutaka able to look at him like that if he didn’t genuinely care? How could he look at Takanori with so much love in his eyes if what they had meant nothing? Was Yutaka really  _ that  _ good of an actor?

 

“Yutaka, just...tell me it isn’t true. Tell me you didn’t sleep with a teacher to blackmail her. Tell me you’re not using a relationship with me as some kind of insurance for you or your friends in class. Yuta please, don’t tell me this is all fake…” Takanori trailed off, unable to keep his sobs from shaking his body. 

 

Yutaka’s lips parted as if to speak but his expression fell, his eyes full of what could only be fear. His hand dropped from Takanori’s cheek. He pulled the black and purple mask from his face, laying it gently on the tabletop. 

 

“Yutaka...please.”

 

“Does it matter?” He suddenly asked, meeting Takanori’s eyes again. “You won’t understand even if I explain it to you. So I’ll tell you the truth. Then I’ll go. I don’t want our last moments together to be a fight. Yes, I blackmailed Evelyn. I seduced her, and blackmailed her. As for my relationship with you, no. It’s not fake nor has it ever been. But none of it matters because I can’t prove anything. There’s no reason for you to believe me.”

 

Yutaka’s eyes scanned his face one last time before he got up from the bench. Part of Takanori wanted to let him go. To just let him walk out the door and never have to deal with anything like this again. He was so tired of waiting for the next shoe to drop. There were too many secrets and it was exhausting him to find them out much less keep his own. Yet the other part of him was stronger, he caught Yutaka’s wrist as the younger man stepped out into the hallway. 

 

“It matters!” He shouted, clinging to Yutaka’s arm with both his hands. “It matters because I need to hear your side of the story. I need to know how the sweet, caring, man I fell in love with could do something so horrible. I have to know if everything I know about you is all a facade.”

 

He caught the change, the widening of Yutaka’s eyes as realization of what Takanori had just confessed washed over him. The sudden burst of joy in those chocolate depths followed by a sadness so heart wrenching Takanori had to look away. 

 

“I guess that’s a bittersweet confession isn’t it?”

 

“Yutaka tell me. Explain it to me. I’m listening with an open heart. At least give me a chance to understand.”

 

For too long of a moment Takanori believed his boyfriend was going to walk away, but he finally nodded, pushing him back into the room. Takanori let go of him, choosing instead to sit up on the table and wait for Yutaka to start talking when he was ready. 

 

“My freshmen year I got cocky. High school was so unbelievably easy that I didn’t think I’d have to work much once I got into college. I was stupid. I started failing my calculus class first. I was attracted to Evelyn, had been since the beginning of the semester. When I went to her I thought that since we seemed to have some kind of connection that she might be willing to just help me out a little so I could get my grade back on track. She refused. I should have left it alone right then, but I was so scared Taka. If my mother had found out I was already failing classes… I’m not sure what she would have done. I was upset. I went to Kouyou for comfort and he came up with the plan. He told me what to do and even planted the camera in my bedroom. The idea that I wouldn’t have to tell my parents how badly I’d fucked up was all I could focus on. I pursued her like I was an animal hunting prey. When she finally gave in I- I didn’t even think twice about what I was doing. I recorded the whole thing and when it was done I told her I would show it to the school board unless she raised my grade. I even went so far as to tell her I would lie and say that she kept trying and trying to get me into bed until I finally gave in.” Yutaka paused, stopping his pacing to come stand in front of him. “Takanori if it had been up to me I would have destroyed that video the second I got to Kouyou’s apartment. I felt so horrid, so guilty. I was ready to go to Kouyou’s father myself and tell him what I had done. But Kouyou, he took the video. Hid it somewhere and I have turned his apartment upside down several times and still can’t find it. He’s the one that stopped me from turning myself in. He told me Evelyn would be fired and probably be barred from teaching again if I admitted what I’d done. So I haven’t. She doesn’t deserve to lose her job just because I took advantage of her. I will never let Kouyou hurt her, but until I can find that video there’s nothing else I can do to ease her mind.”

 

“Yutaka...I can understand why you would do it. I understand how your parents are and how scared you must have been but...there’s no excuse for you to hurt another person like that. The poor woman is terrified that someday that video is going to surface and ruin her life even further. How could you be so stupid?”

 

“Desperation makes people do ugly things. And I trusted Kouyou. He told me we’d give the video back as soon as the semester ended, but he’d never give it to me. I was too blind to see that the whole thing wasn’t about my problem. Kouyou was creating a way to control me. That’s the reason I’m unable to leave him.”

 

Takanori felt like he’d been kicked in the chest. He remembered his first year of college. How he’d felt like everything was working against him. He hadn’t slacked off, but he’d had trouble in a few classes, but he never would have gone to such extremes like this to pass them. There was no way he could make an excuse for Yutaka’s behavior. That was something he was going to have to deal with, but it was also in the past. And...Yutaka seemed to have molded himself into something better...maybe. 

 

“What about me? How do you expect me to believe that you aren’t just stringing me along to use me too? Once you get whatever you want from me, won’t you just dump me too? I don’t want to live my life waiting for my boyfriend to use me. I’ve dealt with too much of that already. So tell me, how am I supposed to trust you?”

 

Yutaka only shook his head. “That’s what I meant earlier. There isn’t any way for me to prove to you that I genuinely want to be with you. The only thing I can do is ask you,  _ beg you,  _ not to let my past destroy what future we could have together. I made a horrible mistake, and I’m still paying for it. I can’t take it back, I can’t make it any better. All I can do is try to move on. I want a future with you Takanori. More than anything in the world.”

 

The words...sounded so good. Too good to be true. He didn’t want their relationship to end, but Takanori wasn’t sure he could push all of his worries aside and allow Yutaka to stay in his life. There were too many what if’s. What if Yutaka was lying? What if Takanori couldn’t get passed being paranoid? What if the semester ended and Yutaka broke up with Kouyou only for the other to be angry enough to let that video surface? It was just too much. 

 

Takanori finally looked up at his student, seeing the hopeful look on his face. “I’m sorry Yutaka. I really, really, am, but I can’t make this decision right now. I need some time to think about it. Can you give me that?”

 

Yutaka nodded, a stray tear falling, showing just how much he was holding back. “Of course. I’ll give you all the time and space you need. Just...get ahold of me when- if you want too. If you don’t ever want too, then please at least believe me when I say I didn’t mean to hurt you. I never wanted that.” He picked up his mask from the table and opened the door once again. “I love you Takanori. I hope to hear from you soon.”

 

His last words before the door fell shut behind him were hard to hear over the shattering of Takanori’s own heart. 


	10. Chapter 10

Yutaka had really tried to be understanding. It made sense that after dropping a bombshell like blackmail on Takanori that his boyfriend would need time to think and assess his emotions. But it had been a week now and Yutaka was slowly losing what little patients he had. Most of him had resigned to the fact that it had been long enough and he should just accept the fact that Takanori had made up his mind. His professor didn't want him anymore and he should stop sitting here, wallowing in self pity. Though there was this miniscule part of him that was fighting for him to keep hoping. He knew Takanori was prone to bouts of anxiety, maybe the other just needed more time. It was realistic after all, right? 

 

“You keep sighing like that and Kouyou is sure to know something is up Yuta. What's up with you anyway?”

 

Yutaka stopped chewing on the inside of his cheek to face Akira. Kouyou had excused himself from the table so he knew the blond was out of earshot. The three of them had met for lunch at the country club, killing time before Yuu and Kazuki showed up so they could spend the day in the pool. 

 

“Takanori and I are...on a break.”

 

Akira frowned, stopping with a piece of shrimp halfway to his mouth. “A break? Why? The way he spoke at the ball, it seemed like you guys were in a good place despite the situation.”

 

Yutaka nodded, stealing a piece of shrimp for himself from Akira's plate. “We were. Sometime before I got the message from you to meet him, Takanori somehow met Evelyn. He's convinced that I'm using him too. He said he needed time to think about whether or not to break up with me. It's been a week now though. So I guess I should just cut my losses and try to get over him, right?”

 

“Fuck. Evelyn? But Yutaka I don't think you should try to move on. I saw the look in Takanori's eyes when he spoke of you. That man loves you. I think you should try to get through to him. Takanori is probably too afraid to come and tell you he still wants you. He doesn't like confrontation, even with his students. You have to go find him Yutaka and lucky for you, I know just where that little bundle of cuteness is right now.” Akira smirked, pulling his phone out of his pocket and shaking it slightly. 

 

Yutaka frowned. “How do you know where he is? Aki did you lojack my boyfriend?!”

 

“I did. I did. I saw Mrs. Takashima approached Takanori at the ball. I don't know what was said but I thought it would be a good idea to keep an eye on him. So I put a locator on his phone while it was in coat check. Thank me later. He's at the little coffee shop across from his apartment. Been there for a bit now. Go find him. No matter what he has decided you'll have your closure. I'll distract Kouyou. Just...don't mess this up, 'kay?”

 

“I've got this strange urge to kiss you Aki. But I'm gonna save it for my boyfriend.” Yutaka said, ruffling his friend's hair as he stood up from the table. Knowing Kouyou's mother had talked to Takanori made him a bit uneasy so he was actually glad Akira was keeping an eye on him. 

 

It took less than twenty minutes for him to reach the coffee shop he knew Takanori loved to visit. Mint mocha latte. That's what he'd order. Then he'd sit in the little two person booth in the balcony, snuggled in the corner with a book. That was Takanori's favorite place after all. Yutaka just hoped he was still there. And for once luck seemed to be on his side. He saw his little boyfriend in exactly the place he should be. Unfortunately Yutaka was too overwhelmed with seeing him again to notice the second drink on the table. 

 

Yutaka hadn't had the proper chance to really look at Takanori the night of the ball so a few days later in class the air had been knocked from his lungs when a mop of wavy  _ blond _ hair had walked into the classroom. It had taken every bit of self control he had to stay in his seat because how dare the other students get to look at him. And they were all teasing him about the color and how Takanori had looked at the ball. The only reason Yutaka remembered was because of Akira. Bless his best friend, Akira had taken a photo of Takanori, those full, dark red lips touched to glass as he sipped champagne. He'd looked so beautiful. Yutaka had never thought his professor would dress that way but now he was just upset he hadn't paid more attention. 

 

“Taka? Can we talk, please?” He asked, quietly getting the other man's attention. 

 

Takanori flinched, big brown eyes looking up at him. “Oh, Yu- Tanabe. I didn’t expect to see you here. If it’s something regarding the classes you missed, just send me an email and I’ll let you know what to catch up on.”

 

“It’s not about class Takanori and you know it. I need to talk to you. Privately.”

 

“It’s not a good time right now. Please email me and we will talk later.” 

 

Yutaka was getting frustrated. “Takan-”

 

“Oh, Yutaka, what a surprise to see you here. I thought you were at the club with the others today?” 

 

Just the sound of Kouyou’s mother’s voice left his skin crawling. What was she doing here? More importantly, why didn’t Akira tell him she was here before sending him here?? At least now he understood why Takanori was being so weird. 

 

Trying to seem unbothered, Yutaka turned towards the woman. “Oh, Amelia. It’s good to see you. Yes, I was just with them actually, but had a craving for coffee and this is my favorite place. Figured I’d grab Kouyou something chocolatey while I’m at it.”

 

“Tanabe missed a few classes last week due to other obligations so he came over to ask me about makeup work. I told him he worries too much. It’s a weekend after all.” Takanori interjected as Amelia sat down opposite him. 

 

“Well, Yutaka has always been a very good student, so of course he’d be worried. Though you should listen to your professor Yutaka. It’s a Saturday. Worry about class later. Give Kouyou a hug for me when you go back. I haven’t seen him in a few days.”

 

Yutaka nodded. “Of course. I will do that. I should get going, the guys are expecting me back. It was good to see you both. Have a good day.” He said politely before kissing Amelia’s cheek and leaving them alone again. He wanted nothing more than to get away from the woman, but he saw Takanori’s expression as he left and it was enough to make that tiny shred of hope unfurl into something much bigger. 

 

On his way back to the club Kouyou called and Yutaka had to take a deep breath before answering, hearing the blonde’s voice fill the SUV.

 

“Yutaka? Where are you? Akira said you left for some reason but said you’d be back soon.” Kouyou said, his voice genuinely sounding upset. 

 

“I did. I just had a craving for coffee. I went to that little shop over by the school. I’m bringing you back a double chocolate, hazelnut capuccino. Your favorite right?” 

 

A chuckle. “You’re the best Yuta, but I have already left the club. The sun was getting to me so I decided to go home and rest. I’m sorry.”

 

Yutaka felt relieved. Relieved and guilty. “Oh. Do you want me to come to the apartment instead then?”

 

“No, no. I’m just going to lay down for awhile. Go ahead and go to the others. Akira said he would stop by on his way home and check on me so you didn’t have too. He’s so sweet sometimes, isn’t he?”

 

Yutaka couldn’t help but laugh. Kouyou was so blind wasn’t he? “Yeah, he is. Alright, well, call me if you need me then.”

 

“I will. Thank you Yutaka.”

 

He truly was the worst person on the planet wasn’t he? No wonder Takanori was having second thoughts about him. 

 

Yutaka parked into the club’s driveway, handing his keys off to the valet before heading inside. He paused though, in the lobby, to send a text off to Takanori. 

 

<Yutaka>

Takanori I hope this is what you meant when you told me to email you. I really want to sit down and talk to you, please. This last week has been driving me crazy. I’m also worried about the interest that Kouyou’s mom has taken in you. She’s not good news. So...I’ll be back home around seven I think tonight. Please just call me or text me, anything. I just need to hear from you. 

 

_________________

 

Spending the afternoon with Akira, Yuu, and Kazuki turned out to be more stress relieving that Yutaka had thought it would be. Without Kouyou there he felt like he could actually take a deep breath. 

 

“Say, are we going to Vegas the week before finals this year?” Yuu asked from where he was sitting in one of the sofas in the club lounge. Kazuki was lying with his head in the raven’s lap, legs hanging over the other end, trying to get a cute picture of himself apparently. 

 

Yutaka had completely forgot about their annual trip. The week before finals every year since their senior year the four of them had made a trip to Vegas to unwind before the big tests. Honestly he’d always looked forward to whole thing but this year he hadn’t even remembered it. 

 

Akira spoke up though. “Kouyou and I were talking about it the other day. He is going to be in Milan that week, but said that the rest of us should still go.”

 

That had Yutaka’s ears perking up. Kouyou would be gone the whole week? That was an entire seven days he could potentially spend with Takanori without having to worry about Kouyou showing up or needing him in the middle of it. 

 

“Are you still going Akira? Or will you be joining Kouyou?” Kazuki teased.

 

“Fuck off. I’m going. What about you guys?” Akira retorted. Funny how they all joked about Akira chasing after Kouyou. Even their best friends knew he and Kouyou were a bad match. 

 

“I can’t say for Yuu, but I’m going. I always end up with such huge endorsements after our trip. Vegas is good for my wallet.” 

 

Yuu rolled his eyes, leaning down to kiss the younger man’s forehead. “Of course I’m going. I couldn’t allow Kazuki to go alone. Yutaka?”

 

At the mention of his name, he was pulled out of his thoughts of Takanori. “Oh. Um, I don’t know. I’ll have to see if my parents have me scheduled for anything that week.”

 

Akira side eyed him with a snort. “Your parents huh?”

 

“Paaarents.” Yuu held up his hands, making air quotes around the words. What were these two idiots on about?

 

“Yes, my parents. Why are you guys acting like this?” He asked, leaning forward in his chair. 

 

“Yutaka.” Akira started, his expression becoming unnervingly serious. “I told you already that Takanori told me about the two of you. And I had to tell Yuu the truth when he came asking if there was something going on between you two. Maybe if you’d stop drooling over him during class people would stop talking.”

 

“Don’t worry though.” Yuu interjected. “We have no intention of telling Kouyou. I figured you would when the time came. Honestly Kazuki and I were both just happy to find out you had actually found someone to care about.”

 

Yutaka felt like his world had just been turned on end. The whole room seemed to dip and move and he had to shut his eyes to keep from being sick. Two more people knew? If Yuu had noticed, then had Kouyou?

 

“I-” He managed to squeak out, opening his eyes only to have the edges of his vision blur. Was he really going to pass out?

 

“Whoa. Yuta breathe. It’s okay. Kouyou doesn’t know. He’s far too stuck on himself to have realized anything. Don’t worry.” Akira reassured him, rubbing circles on his back. 

 

“I  _ promised  _ Takanori no one would find out. It was part of our deal when he agreed to date me.” 

 

“But he's the one that  _ told  _ me. I think it'll be okay. We're your best friends. He can't expect us not to know. And you did a good job already. You kept it secret for over two months.”

 

“Yuta.” Kazuki called, sitting up from his boyfriend's lap. “If Kouyou really will be in Italy all week...why don't you invite Takanori to come with us. We'd like to get to know him too you know. He must be something special to have caught your eye.”

 

You slapped his hand on his thigh, startling the rest of them. “Kazi's right. I mean, I like the guy just from class. I think he should go. Right Aki?”

 

Akira nodded, grinning like a dumbass. “Totally. I think he'd have a good time with us.”

 

Yutaka smiled sadly. It felt so good to hear his friends approving of their relationship despite how it came to be. “Thank you. It means a lot to me that you guys would offer, but it's probably not going to happen.”

 

“Why?” Kazuki asked, leaning over to take a photo of himself and Yuu. “Do you not want us to be around him?”

 

“No. That's not it. I love you guys. It's just...Takanori and I may not actually be together anymore. We're kind of on a break right now.”

 

“Wait. Didn't you talk to him earlier? I thought when you came back that things had been solved?” Akira asked, leaning over the arm on his chair. 

 

“I didn't even get the chance to speak to him. Kouyou's mother was with him. I thought you had her nasty ass tracked Aki?” 

 

“I did! She must have gotten a new phone lately. I don't have it tracked. I'm so sorry Yutaka. I had no idea that she would be there, I never would have sent you.”

 

Yutaka offered him a smile. “It's alright. I know you wouldn't have. I sent him an email, he kept telling me to send one regarding class, so I think that's what he wanted me to do. Hopefully he'll answer and we can figure things out tonight.”

 

Kazuki cheered. “Then you can ask him to come with us!”

 

____________

 

His phone rang just as the clock struck nine o'clock and Yutaka just about fell off his bed trying to get ahold of it off his nightstand. 

 

“Hello? Taka?” He asked rather hurriedly. 

 

“I missed hearing your voice.”

 

“Takanori, talk to me. Please. Haven't you thought about it? Haven't I waited long enough?”

 

There was silence on the other end of the line for so long he'd began to think Takanori had hung up. A sharp inhale was the only thing keeping him from screaming. It sounded as if he was...crying? Oh fuck. Had he been too harsh? 

 

“Taka... sweetheart. Don't cry. You know I can't handle it when you cry, especially if I'm not there.” He said softly, trying his best to soothe the other. 

 

“Yuta I need to tell you s-something. It's...personal and scary. But I need you to know before- so you can understand my decision.” Takanori sniffed, his voice cracking. 

 

“Okay, then I'll come to you. I can be there in twenty minutes-”

 

“No!” Came the shout through the phone. “No, I can't do this if you're here. I can't see- I just can't do it. Please just let me do it like this.”

 

Despite Takanori's words, Yutaka went ahead and got a small bag together to leave. “Okay honey, this is fine. I'm here alone so I can listen. You've got my full attention.”

 

Takanori sighed heavily on the other end, but the crying seemed to have stopped. Oh how he wished he could just be there to hold him and tell him whatever it was he needed to say was fine. That he didn't need to be this upset, but he couldn't. Takanori didn't want him there so he was forced to deal with this for now. 

 

“So.” He began, a hitch still in his voice. “M-my junior year- Let me get this all out before you say anything okay? I uh, I wasn't popular by any means but I wasn't an outcast either. I had made friends all over the school and my junior year I got put into a PE class with a bunch of the varsity soccer team, including the captain, Takeshi. He didn't bully me or nothing, I thought he was a pretty okay guy. He was also...very good looking, and at that time I hadn't realized I was attracted to guys.”

 

Takanori paused for a moment, seemingly needing to catch his breath. “So long story short Takeshi invited me to this party that one of the popular kids was throwing to celebrate some big win. I didn't think much of it. A few days before the party I was changing in the locker room after class and I guess I...stared at him a bit too long. He didn't say anything, just smiled at me and went on. But for the next couple days I noticed he would stand closer to me, put his arm over the back of my chair in the class we shared. I completely fell for it, like the idiot I was.”

 

“We went to the part together. Like arm around my waist as we walked in, together. And no one said a word. Who was going to poke fun at the soccer team's star player, right? And it felt so good to be with him. I felt so safe, cared for. I was delusional. We started drinking, just a little bit at first, so I didn't think it would do much harm. Takeshi's friends started asking me questions and I was too buzzed not to answer. They asked about my sex life and I stupidly told them I didn't have one. I was a virgin at the time. They joked a little but otherwise didn't give me too hard of a time.”

 

Another series of deep breaths came along the line and Yutaka wondered if it really was okay for Takanori to be telling him this if it upset him so much, but he kept quiet just like his boyfriend had asked. 

 

“I can't tolerate alcohol. I couldn't then, I still can't now. That's probably why I fell asleep at the masquerade ball before you found me. I'd had a glass and a half of champagne. Anyway, I drank way too much before I could even realize it. The next thing I knew, Takeshi was touching me, rubbing my back, kissing at my neck. It felt...good. Unreal. And I was helpless to stop him. I liked it when he kissed me. I felt like I was floating it was so nice. I...let him take me upstairs. I went willingly but my mind definitely wasn't clear. He was gentle, pushing me down on the bed and kissing me more, touching more. I was okay with that.”

 

“But it was about that time I started to realize I wasn't in control anymore. I could barely move my hands and that just didn't seem right at all. Takeshi started taking my clothes off and I couldn't stop him. I couldn't move, couldn't scream. I was trapped in my own body, watching him without being able to fight him off. I wanted to yell at him that I didn't want this. I wasn't ready and I certainly didn't want my first time to be like  _ this. _ I pleaded at him with my eyes but he didn't care. 'I wouldn't want you to graduate a virgin’ is what he told me. That was his reasoning. I just remember laying there on my stomach and wanting to be sick. Wanting to die. The alcohol numbed a great deal of the pain but only physically. When he was done, Takeshi laughed. He said no one would ever believe the team's star to fall for a faggot. That I was the only one stupid enough to believe it. Then he just...left me there.”

 

His boyfriend paused to collect himself as obvious tears had been choking him and Yutaka felt enraged. He was absolutely livid. It was difficult to even hear Takanori anymore over the vortex of emotion in his own head. 

 

“Leaving me there was a mistake on his part. A maid found me sometime later because I couldn't move. She took me to the hospital and though Takeshi said it was a misunderstanding, that I had consented, they found enough evidence to prove him guilty. He's still in jail. Anyway.” He said, obviously wiping at his face. “I didn't tell you all of this so you could pity me, which is, I'm sure what you're doing now. I told you because I wanted you to understand. When you told me about Evelyn I couldn't help but think 'if this guy was willing to trick a teacher into having sex for a grade then surely he would make little of my situation too’. I know that was wrong of me. I know that now, but at the time… I thought about it a lot though Yutaka and I decided you don't need someone as broken as I am to deal with. You've got your own set of problems and I would just add to them. I just can't do this to you. So um, don't worry about class. I understand if you don't wanna come anymore. I'll make sure you get the grade you need. Please Yuta just keep being good okay? Don't let that past haunt you.”

 

“Takano-” Yutaka tried to say but the line went dead. He'd just hung up on him…

 

_ Fuck this. _

 

No way in hell was he going to sit idly by while Takanori ripped his heart out all because he felt like a burden. How could he not understand by not how  _ happy  _ he made Yutaka? And now Takanori was no doubt sitting in his apartment, after dropping a bomb on him like this, crying his eyes out with no one to comfort him. Yutaka was up and out of the house in seconds, making good time in getting to the apartment. He didn't even bother knocking, using the key his boyfriend had given him instead, just in case Takanori decided not to let him in. 

 

.

 

“Takanori?” Yutaka called out as he locked the door behind him, but received no answer. Just as he’d expected his boyfriend was curled up in a ball in the middle of his bed, shoulders still shaking. Yutaka didn’t hesitate to crawl on to the bed, pulling Takanori up into his arms so his head could lay against his shoulder. “It’s alright baby. I’m here.”

 

Small hands that he thought would push him away snuck around his neck and much to his relief Takanori held on to him for dear life. “W-why?” His deep voice croaked, but Yutaka caught it. 

 

“Because you may have made up your mind but you don’t get to make up mine, and I’m not done with you. Takanori, you don’t get to decide what’s best for me. That’s my job alone, and not having you in my life is  _ not  _ what’s best. I...I am sorry that what I’ve done made you feel like I wouldn’t take you seriously, but that’s the furthest thing from the truth. Why do you think I was so quick to agree to your rules? I knew you might find out about Evelyn before I could work up the courage to tell you and I didn’t want you to think that our relationship was in any way about sex. It  _ is  _ a big deal to me Taka, because it’s you. And I meant what I said. Though I understand better now, I still don’t care if we never go any further. I only care that you’re with me.”

 

Takanori pulled away, his eyes red and puffy from crying, and met his gaze. “How can you say that? Once Kouyou’s out of the picture and you have no one to go to, and I still can’t go through with it, then what? You’ll grow to hate me. Yutaka I don’t want that. I couldn’t handle it if that’s what was to break us up. You honestly think you could just never have sex again? Just to be with me?”

 

“I’m not saying it would be easy, or that I would particularly like it, but yes, I could. You’re my ‘one’ Taka. For anyone else I wouldn’t even consider it, but for you, I’d do anything. But you have to do something for me too.”

 

Dark eyes narrowed on him, but Yutaka could see the underlying worry in them too. “What do I have to do?”

 

Yutaka smiled, forcing himself not to kiss the anxiousness off that pretty face. “You have to stop pushing me away. You have to admit that you love me and don’t want me to leave. Can you do that?”

 

A few silent heartbeats went by before the most beautiful smile he’d ever seen appeared on Takanori’s face, and before his mind could even comprehend what was happening the softest pair of lips he’d ever felt pressed to his own. It was just like in fairy tales, fireworks and music. Yutaka couldn’t help the grin that broke out on his face as he kissed Takanori back, pouring everything he felt into that one action. He clung to the small body in his arms like his only lifeline and he had no intention of letting go, ever. They shared many more kisses that night before they fell asleep for the first time with Takanori cuddled up in his arms. Yutaka knew they still had a lot to talk about, to work through, but for now he was happy. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Drama drama drama


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally got it done 🙌

_ How the hell did I let them talk me into this?? _

 

Takanori stood beside Yutaka awkwardly as his boyfriend printed out their boarding passes. What the hell was he even  _ doing _ ? Going to Vegas for the weekend with a group of students? He was sure to be fired. But Yutaka had made it sound like such a good escape before finals week. And the others...had actually seemed happy that he decided to tag along. Though he still kind of felt like a babysitter of sorts. 

 

“There you go. One for me and one for the best looking guy in the airport.” Yutaka teased, handing him a pass. “Again, I'm sorry we had to go this route. We usually take the jet, but my father has it in Shanghai this week.”

 

Takanori snorted, rolling his eyes. “Stop apologizing for that. This is fine. Besides, this way I get to pay for my ticket.”

 

“Well...kind of. I took the money you gave me then paid for a better seat up with me. No way I'm going to allow you to sit in the back of the plane that far away from me.”

 

“You're horrible. And a liar. A horrible liar. But I love you, so I guess it's okay.” 

 

Yutaka smiled, chocolate eyes lighting up. “I'm never going to get tired of hearing you say that. Come on, say it again. Please baby?”

 

“Oh god stop it already.” He tried to sound annoyed but ended up laughing and pulled Yutaka down so he could speak into his ear. “I love you, I love you, I love you.” 

 

Hands wrapped around his waist, pulling him a little closer. “Never stop saying it.”

 

“Look at the love birds! We haven't even left yet and they already can't keep their hands to themselves.”

 

At the sound of Kazuki's voice, Takanori jerked away out of Yutaka's grip so fast he tripped, falling on to his suitcase followed by the floor. 

 

“Taka!” 

 

“Fuck. Oh I'm too old for this.” He winced, grabbing onto Yutaka's hand as it came into his line of sight and he was gently pulled back to his feet. 

 

“Hey, Takanori I'm so sorry. I didn't meant to startle you. You didn't damage that cute little ass of yours I hope.” Kazuki teased, dusting off his back. 

 

“Kazi quit.” Yutaka commanded and the younger man backed off without another word. “I'm sorry about him. Are you okay?”

 

“Yeah. Yeah I'm fine. Can we just go so people can top staring now?” He asked, picking up his suitcase. 

___________

 

By the time they were seated on the plane, Akira across the aisle, Yuu and Kazuki in front of them, Takanori finally felt like he could call down again. He held Yutaka's hand in his lap, his boyfriend's thumb brushing over his own to soothe him. He kept hoping that once they were in Vegas things would be better. No one would see them and he could just enjoy his time there. 

 

“Do you not like flying? Your hands are shaking.” Yutaka asked, his voice hushed. 

 

“No, it's not that. I'm just...being paranoid. Just being me I guess.”

 

“Well you don't need to be. Everything's fine. This whole weekend is about relaxing, Taka. Take advantage of it.”

 

He wanted too. Truly he did, but it was easier said than done for someone like him. “So...what exactly do you guys do in Vegas to relax?” 

 

Kazuki turned in his seat to see him. “Different things. I have a whole day at the spa planned for today. These idiots will probably go off gambling. Oh Takanori you should come with me! It's always more fun to have someone with you. My treat of course.”

 

“Oh. Uh, well thank you Kazuki, but I plan to just stick to hanging out at the hotel. Don't worry though, I'll be there if anyone needs anything.” Takanori answered politely, but the younger student just frowned at him, eyes flicking up to Yutaka then back. 

 

“You can't just hang out in the hotel room all day. That would be so boring.”

 

“Oh no. No it won't. I brought things with me to do. Papers to grade, books to read. I'll be fine.”

 

Now Yutaka was focused on him too. “You what? You really plan on spending the whole four days locked in the hotel room...grading papers? Taka, we're...not children. You don't have to stay there just in case one of us needs something.”

 

Takanori squeezed his hand but Yutaka withdrew it. “I- I would be more comfortable staying in the room.”  _ Or home all together. _

 

As the lights went out in the cabin, Kazuki turned back around and they were left in silence again leading up to take off. Takanori closed his window, laying his head against it instead as he wrapped his arms around himself. Yutaka wouldn't even look at him. Why was he so pissed off about this?

______________

 

They'd been in the air a little over an hour now and Takanori couldn't take it anymore. It seemed like everyone had fallen asleep except...Akira, who was reading some book, a set of glasses perched on his nose. As carefully as possible, he maneuvered out of his seat and into the empty seat next to the blond. 

 

“Can I talk to you for a minute? Please?” He whispered, putting a hand over the page Akira's eyes were scanning.

 

“Sure, what's up short stuff?”

 

“I'm going to ignore that because I'm too upset to deal with you right now. Akira ever since take off Yuta won't even look at me. What have I done wrong already? I want to just book a flight back home. I shouldn't be here.”

 

Akira's teasing expression disappeared. “Yes you should. You have to give us a chance Taka. Trust us. We all want you here. As for Yutaka...he's probably ticked off because you keep saying you don't want to spend any time with him during our trip. Why won't you go to the spa with Kazuki? He would love to have you go.”

 

Takanori scoffed. “I'm a teacher. I can't afford things like that. I don't  _ not  _ want to spend time with him. I just have to be careful since I didn't have much time to save up for this. I don't want to have to use any of my savings so staying at the hotel seemed like the best way to go about not spending more than I need too. And it's not like I'm very outgoing anyway. I'd just embarrass Yutaka if I went out in a place like Vegas.”

 

Now Akira was the one to scoff, taking his glasses off to rub at the bridge of his nose. “You don't really believe that, do you? I don't think there's a thing in the world you could do that would embarrass him. Not if it's you. But this other problem you're having...I don't mean to try to give you advice or anything but I'm afraid if I don't then you and Yutaka are going to end up in a lot of fights about this.”

 

“About what?” 

 

“Money. I take it the two of you have argued about it before?”

 

Takanori hesitantly nodded. “We have. He just doesn't get it. I don't want someone bullying me around with their money. I can take care of myself. He doesn't have to flaunt it.”

 

“Taka, not once in the many years I've known Yutaka has he  _ ever _ flaunted his money. Especially these last few years that he's been making his own. How do you see him doing that?”

 

“Like he won't let me pay for anything we do together. I can't even pay for my own dinner or a movie or taxi. It makes me feel so...unworthy, incapable. And he doesn't even see it.” 

 

Akira reached out, touching the back of his hand. “I get it. Really I do, but you're looking at this wrong. Yutaka doesn't spend money on you to gloat or belittle you. Look, when you guys stay at your apartment, do you order out?”

 

Takanori frowned. “Of course not. I always cook dinner or breakfast for us. I like cooking for him. And he never complains no matter how horrible it is.”

 

“That's what I mean. It's all about the effort, not the money. You doing that for him is the same as him taking you to a fancy restaurant. He thinks you deserve the best so he makes an effort to make things perfect for you. I guarantee you he's not even thinking about the money. You're just going to have to figure out what effort you can make that is “equal” to what he does.”

 

“That...kind of makes sense.” Takanori leaned back in the seat. “Can you give me a hint at what I should do when Yutaka tries to pay for everything on this trip?”

 

Akira grinned. “Think small Taka. All he wants is to spend this time with you. So why don't you try just enjoying it? Give that to him.”

 

“Hmm. I guess I could give it a try.”

________________

 

“Hey guys?” Takanori spoke up when the pilot announced they'd started their decent in Vegas. “Um I was thinking, Kazuki asked and I'd like to go with him for his spa day, but Yutaka said you all just kind of hang out the first night at the hotel. Would you let me order dinner for everyone? It's not much but I thought pizza mayb-”

 

“Pizza?!” Kazuki all but screamed, leaning around the seat to see him since he hadn't moved back to his seat. “God, I can't even remember the last time I had a nasty, greasy pizza. Please Takanori feed me  _ all the carbs _ .” 

 

“Calm your shit Kazi. Geez.” Yuu shook his head at his overdramatic boyfriend. “This is what happens when you live on a diet of kale and diet soda. Honestly it sounds great Takanori. I'm in.”

 

Akira's hand gently squeezed his knee and Takanori looked over to his boyfriend. Yutaka was finally looking at him, the ghost of a smile on his face, and he raised his hand, crooking a finger at him. 

 

“Come over here. Come look out the window.”

 

Takanori didn't think twice, quickly unbuckling his seat belt and hopping across the aisle back into his original seat. Yutaka's arm slipped around his waist as he scooted closer and they both watched out the window and endless desert gave way to the towering hotels of the Vegas strip. Yeah, maybe he should just give in and enjoy himself, enjoy time away from home. Hell he'd do anything as long as it made Yutaka smile like that.

 

______________

 

“How are you doing over there Taka? Feel good?”

 

Takanori couldn't manage more than a moan of confirmation. He  _ really _ hadn't been all that enthusiastic about a full body massage but now? He didn't want to ever leave. Plus the masseuse had allowed him to keep his boxers on which helped him relax a little more. Kazuki on the other hand had stripped down without a second thought, his thin body twisting as he wrapped a towel around his waist. The sight made Takanori think he should start the kale diet too. He'd been hesitant to take his own clothes off, joking that he should have been exercising before this trip. Kazuki had turned to him with the most serious face. 

 

“Don't be down on yourself Mr. Professor. You're lucky you don't have to do any of that. You're just naturally little and cute. So strip!” He'd said, patting him on the back as he crawled up on the table. 

 

Those words of encouragement coming from someone like Kazuki gave him a boost of confidence and now he was here, truly enjoying himself. He felt so relaxed, his muscles completely loose for the first time in years, and by the halfway point of their hour he was dead asleep.

 

When he woke up again the room was dark, shadows from the many candle flames dancing along the walls. Kazuki was still laying on the other bed but he had his phone in his hand, the screen lighting up his face. 

 

“Oh, you're awake finally? I took a picture of you sleeping so sweetly and sent it to Yutaka. He said he's very happy that you're relaxing and resting.”

 

Takanori ignored that bit about the photo. He trusted that Kazuki wouldn't send that to anyone else. “Hmm, how long was I asleep? Why didn't you wake me up?”

 

Kazuki shrugged. “It's only been about ten minutes since the session ended. I wanted to let Yuu know that we'll be heading back soon. And you looked like you needed the sleep. I'm so glad you decided to come with me Taka. I had a lot of fun with you today. But I have a question I want to ask and it's kind of personal, do you mind?”

 

“Uh, sure.” He replied, sitting up and pulling the fluffy towel around his shoulders. 

 

“When...the semester ends and Yutaka breaks up with Kouyou, I know shits going to hit the fan for awhile, but once things calm down, do you think you'll still hang out with us?” 

 

“You...actually want to hang out with me?” 

 

Kazuki grinned. “Of course. You are my favorite teacher after all. I definitely want to keep hanging out with you.”

 

“Then I guess I have no choice.” He teased. “And Kazuki? I had fun today too. Thank you for bringing me.”

 

“Anytime! Now let's get out of here. I'm starving!” 

 

_____________

 

“Takaaaa. Wake up, it's past ten already.”

 

Takanori flinched at the sound of Yutaka's voice so close to his ear. It made his head ache as if he was standing next to a jet plane about to take off. As the rest of his senses slowly came back to life he realized it wasn't just his head that hurt. His entire body felt like he'd fallen off a cliff or something, sore and achy. And someone had turned the air conditioner up way too much. The room was freezing and all he wanted to do was curl up in the blankets and go back to sleep. 

 

“Yuta please, just leave me alone. And turn the AC down.” He mumbled, curling in on himself. 

 

“Baby, the air is already turned down. I was afraid you'd get cold so I turned it way low when I woke up. Hey, come here.”

 

Takanori groaned as Yutaka's arms scooped him up and he rolled into his lap. Soft lips were pressed to his forehead but he couldn't even keep his eyes open to look up at his boyfriend. He could hear the worry in Yutaka's voice though when he spoke again. 

 

“Taka, you're burning up. No wonder you were tossing and turning all night. Come on, let me get you tucked back in then I'll call the front desk for some medicine for you.” He said, gently laying him back in the middle of their giant bed and packing the blankets in on top of him. Before Takanori could tell him he was fine, the brunette had returned with a damp, cold cloth and laid it across his forehead. It sent shivers through his body but actually felt really nice. 

 

“I'm going downstairs to call real quick, I'll be right back.” 

 

He heard Yutaka going down the steps from the bedroom loft and tried his best to sit up. He had to convince the other that he was fine. There was no way he would ruin this trip for everyone by being sick. Takanori winced as his back cracked into place as he sat up against the headboard. His arms were literally shaking from the small amount of effort he'd used. Maybe...he wasn't okay. He kept his eyes closed, trying to breathe through the spinning in his head. The only reason he realized Yutaka had returned was the slight dip in the bed when he sat down. 

 

“Why are you sitting up like this? Didn't I say lay down?”

 

“Yutaka, you're worrying over nothing. I'm fine. I just...need a shower and I'll be fine. Why don't you go ahead and join the others for lunch and by the time you get back, I'll be ready to go out.”

 

His boyfriend arched a brow at him before grabbing his cell off the charger and making a call. 

 

“Hey, Aki. Taka and I won't be coming for lunch. He's running a high fever and I don't want to leave him alone like this ...yeah...oh okay hold on.” Yutaka frowned, putting the phone on speaker. 

 

“Takanori? Can you hear me?” Kazuki's voice came through the speaker. 

 

“Yeah I can.” He squeaked out, the sound of his own voice like a bell in his ears. 

 

“Are you nauseous sick?”

 

Weird question. “Uh, no I'm just sore all over and my head is pounding. Achy not nauseous.”

 

“Perfect. I mean, obviously it's not, but I'm going to bring you something that always helps me when I feel like that. We'll be there right after lunch okay? Get some rest.” And with that the phone call ended. 

 

“What is he bringing for me?” He asked Yutaka, sliding back down in the bed. There was no point in protesting further for now.

 

“I have no idea.” He replied just as the sound of the doorbell rang through the room. “Ah that was fast. I'll be right back.”

 

Takanori let out a long breath as he settled back on the soft pillows. He knew the sheets and blankets surrounding him were just as soft but right now they felt like sandpaper against his heated skin so he pushed them off. This was not how he'd imagined spending his time off. Though in hindsight he probably should have expected something like this. At least it was him and not Yutaka. He'd taken care of his boyfriend while he'd suffered through a mild flu virus for a few days and though Yutaka had reiterated the fact that he was okay over and over, Takanori still had felt helpless. He wondered if maybe Yutaka felt that way right now? 

 

“Alright, something for your fever and a pain reliever.” Yutaka said, sitting everything on the bedside table and helping him sit back up. Takanori took both pills and leaned against the other’s side for a moment. Even breathing felt like it was too much work. 

 

Yutaka held on to him, laying down so Takanori could cuddle up against him. This was better than scratchy blankets by far and it didn't take long for him to drift off to sleep again. 

 

This time when he woke up he didn't feel cold anymore, no instead he felt...sticky. Apparently his fever had broken thanks to the medicine but it left him covered in sweat and all he wanted now was a bath. Finally lifting his too heavy lashes, Takanori noticed the sun was going down. How long had they slept? He'd really wasted an entire day of their vacation sleeping?? There was nothing he could really do about it now. 

 

Turning to his left he paused at the sight of his sleeping boyfriend, a smile curving his lips. Yutaka had one arm up under his pillow, laying out on his side. His cheeks were tinted pink, probably from being so close to his own feverish body. Takanori reached out, moving some of his hair out of his face. It was getting long again but it wasn't like he was going to complain. He moved his finger tip down Yutaka's face, over his nose to the barely parted lips that always gifted him with the most beautiful smile. His heart pounded in his chest and Takanori felt tears pricking behind his eyes. Love made people stupid, he was testement to that. He wasn't sure he'd ever get used to this feeling in his chest. 

 

Takanori's eyes drifted further to the few undone buttons at the top of Yutaka's shirt and found his own hands reaching out to unbutton a few more. Maybe  _ he  _ was the pervy one after all because truly he never got tired of looking at his boyfriend. Yutaka didn't even flinch when Takanori spread his fingers, pressing his palm to his bare skin. 

 

Maybe…

 

Before he lost his nerve, Takanori scooted closer, pressing his lips to the hard ridge of a collarbone. The temptation was too great, and Yutaka's skin was so warm and soft, begging to be devoured. He kissed and licked his way over every surface he could touch until his tongue drug over his nipple and Yutaka shivered beneath him. Takanori was grinning to himself, loving the way his boyfriend reacted to him even while he slept. 

 

“No...Taka, gotta stop ...I made a promise….” Yutaka muttered and Takanori sat back for a moment waiting for him to speak again. Was Yutaka keeping that promise between them even in his dreams? When nothing came though, he pushed the end of the black shirt further off, latching his lips onto the curve of Yutaka's waist, nibbling on the skin over his hip bone. 

 

“You can't...I promised. Those cupcakes are for your mom…”

 

Takanori couldn't stop himself from bursting into a fit of giggles as Yutaka's words reached his ears and the sound must have startled him because Yutaka's eyes snapped open, staring at him with a sleepy frown.

 

“Taka? What-”

 

“You were sleep talking. Apparently you make cupcakes in your sleep.”

 

Yutaka just looked even more confused albeit adorably so. “A- Are you feeling better? Your face isn't so flushed anymore. When did you wake up?”

 

“I'm feeling much better. Still tired but the fever is gone and I don't feel so sore. I've only been awake a few minutes. I was just…” Takanori paused unintentionally, his gaze falling to a small bruise forming on his boyfriend's hip. “I was just watching you sleep.”

 

“Oh.” Yutaka rubbed at his eyes as he sat up. His hands swept down his neck but he paused over the spot where Takanori had first kissed him. His skin was still wet from a wandering tongue. “You just...watched me sleep huh? Did you unbutton my shirt with your eyes too?” He asked, a smile in his dark eyes. 

 

“I...I couldn't help myself. You're too enticing. I only wanted to taste. I  _ want  _ to touch you Yuta, but when you're awake and watching me I just can't. I'm sorry.”

 

“Don't be sorry. I don't mind. Um, anyway, I'm glad you're feeling better. Do you need more painkillers? Water?”

 

Takanori's gaze dropped to his fidgeting hands. “No...but Yuta I was thinking maybe we could use the jacuzzi? Together?”

 

Yutaka's eyes went wide. “That's not too much for you? It's kind of...intimate isn't it?”

 

“That word is so awkward.” Takanori teased. “I think it would be okay. That things big enough we don't have to be that close. But maybe it'll help me relax a little more.”

 

“Alright. Let me go take a quick shower and I'll get the water going while you take one and have it hot for you. Sound okay?”

 

“That sounds great. Go take your shower real quick.” He leaned forward, pecking Yutaka's lips. 

 

“I won't keep you waiting. I know you're impatient.” 

 

Takanori scoffed when Yutaka ruffled his hair but couldn't keep the smile off his face watching him go downstairs. He truly was so lucky, wasn't he?

 

The shower felt amazing. He left the water cool and it seemed to energize his aching muscles. It wasn't as if he felt perfect again, that wasn't the case, but this at least he could handle and still function. Which meant he no longer needed Yutaka to stay and take care of him. Takanori cursed under his breath. His boyfriend should be out with his friends enjoying what was left of his vacation, not be cooped up with him in the hotel room. He'd just have to tell Yutaka he changed his mind and that he wanted to be alone. 

 

At least that was the plan until he got downstairs and his own heartbeat drown out every voice in his head. Yutaka was leaning against the side of the jacuzzi, fingers trailing through the steaming water. He hadn't dressed yet, just a towel around his waist. His dark hair fell over his bare shoulders and Takanori had to remind himself to breathe. There was that tingling sensation in his fingertips once again, just begging him to reach forward and touch all that exposed skin. Yutaka was  _ his _ . It was fine to touch him, right? He wouldn't expect more if Takanori just tried a little, would he?

 

_ Of course he would. It's not fair to tease him like that. _

 

Takanori cleared his throat, getting the other's attention. “So...forgetful me, I didn't pack a swimsuit or anything so it looks like we'll have to postpone this for another time. Ah, why don't you get dressed and join up with your friends? I'm sure they're missing you and I could probably use more sleep.”

 

Yutaka rolled his eyes, stepping towards him, and Takanori had to force himself not to back away. He had  _ no  _ reason to be afraid of his boyfriend; he had to stop acting so skittish. 

 

“Well, the guys came by earlier while we were asleep and left a message. They're going to a club tonight, Tao to be exact, and that's not really my style. So here's my counter offer. How about you forget the swimsuit and…” Long fingers lifted the edge of his shirt, hands slipping up to raise it up his torso. “Join me for the evening?”

 

Takanori shivered under those hands but Yutaka's words stopped him, and he pulled away. “Yutaka...you want me to get into the jacuzzi with you  _ naked _ ? No way, I can't do that. We'll just have to skip it.”

 

“Oh no you don't. Come here. Taka I've seen you naked before. It's fine. Come on, please? I promise I won't touch you.”

 

“Or look at me?”

 

“Or look at you.”

 

Takanori bit his lip, glaring up at his boyfriend. He couldn't say no to that face. “Fine. But you gotta do it too. And you gotta get in first.”

 

“Alright that's a deal.” He replied, dropping the towel from his waist. 

 

“Yutaka!” Takanori covered his face with his hands, turning away from him. “You have no shame.”

 

“That's true. Hold on...okay, your turn.”

 

Sure enough he was sat back in the water already, eyes closed. Was he really going to do this? With anxiety rising in his chest Takanori pulled his shirt off and slid his boxers down. It felt so strange standing here naked. Trying not to slip, he slipped into the water. The swirling heat tickled his skin but felt good as he sat back on the opposite side. At least the whole room was dimly lit and the bubbles of the jacuzzi made it hard to see anything. 

 

“Okay. You can open your eyes now.”

 

“Taka, can I ask you something that might make you kinda angry?”

 

He narrowed his eyes on his boyfriend. Wasn't this bad timing?

 

“Uh, I guess?”

 

Yutaka was quiet for a moment, dark eyes almost shining in the poorly lit room. “Have you...um, since that incident in high school, have you had sex?”

 

That was...the last thing he'd thought Yutaka would ask. Why would he bring this up now? And why did it make him feel nauseous?

 

“Oh...uh...I tried a few times that next year but it didn’t end well so no, I haven't since then.” He replied honestly. 

 

“Hm, do you want too?”

 

Takanori just blinked. What the hell type of question was that? “Is this your way of pushing me towards it? Is that how things are going to be?”

 

Yutaka leaned forward, reaching out to him. “Takanori that is not happening and you know it. I will never push you. It's just...I've been wondering because it seems like to me that you  _ want  _ more. The way you look at me, touch me when I'm sleeping. I'm not saying sex at all. But is there something else you want to try? You don't have to be afraid of me, but if you wanted a tiny push from someone you can trust to stop the second you say, then I can do that too.”

 

That gave him pause. Takanori couldn't deny that yes, he'd thought about it. And he did want to touch the other more than he had already. Sleeping next to Yutaka, being held so closely, and now they'd started kissing more, it all made him feel like maybe he could do more. He  _ trusted _ Yutaka. Maybe it was time to let someone push him. 

 

“I...Yuta I am terrified. You get that right? But maybe I do need a push? Could you let me try something? I don't mean to be demanding I just don't want to freak myself out before we can get anywhere.” 

 

That awarded him am almost shy smile. “You want me to pretend I'm asleep?”

 

Takanori shook his head, and grabbed for the hand that was offered to him. He was half afraid his heart would give out as hard as it was pounding against his ribs. “Could you just close your eyes though? Please?” Yutaka complied without question. Takanori ground his molars together trying to decide what to do. Wouldn't it be best to just dive in head first so to speak? No matter what he did it was scary so might as well just...jump. 

 

Slowly, so as not to disturb the water too much, he made his way across the small space until he could put his fingertips on Yutaka's shoulders. He could feel his entire body shivering as he sat one knee on either side of his boyfriend's thighs and sat back on his lap.

 

“Taka what-”

 

“Just kiss me. Please.” He asked and Yutaka's lips were on his in a second. 

 

Truly he loved this too much. He loved how gentle Yutaka could be, allowing Takanori to pace himself and get used to such an intimate situation. He'd expected himself to panic, to be unable to relax, but it was...different. The kiss was different too, deeper. His hands found their way into soft brown hair as Yutaka explored his mouth, tongue brushing over every spot that made his spine tingle. It wasn't until they we're forced to part for air that his boyfriend hesitantly asked for more. 

 

“Can I touch you a little? Just a bit?” He asked, voice strained from lack of breath. 

 

“Please.”

 

He tensed when he felt Yutaka's hands fit to his hips. He'd closed his eyes again but Takanori couldn't help but watch him. 

 

“You're shaking Taka. Maybe we should stop.” The words were whispered against jaw as Yutaka started kissing him again, moving towards his ear before falling to his throat. 

 

“It's not- not because I'm scared.” And that was the truth. Yutaka's hands slid up the middle of his back, pressing between his shoulder blades until Takanori was forced to let his head fall back so he had full access to his chest, but the movement had him shifting positions, scooting closer on his lap. For a moment he could feel panic starting to build at the back of his mind but then those soft lips were kissing down his sternum and he found himself pressing closer, tugging Yutaka's head closer to his chest. 

 

Was it time? Had enough years finally passed that his body and mind was letting go of the trauma? Or was this simply...because of Yutaka? Were the memories and the pain being forced to the recesses of his mind by the touches so full of love? Is this what it felt like to be with someone who truly cared about you? Was this how Yutaka felt around him? For the first time Takanori  _ understood _ what Yutaka meant when he'd called him his 'one’ because he felt it now. He felt how his entire being relaxed, felt how it was somehow easier to breathe. Yutaka was his lifeline, his stability. He was safe with this man and even his anxiety riddled mind recognized that truth. 

 

“Yuta? Hold on.” Takanori put his hands on either side of that face he loved so much and forced his boyfriend to look up at him. 

 

“What's wrong?” Those deep chocolate eyes held so much concern that it just melted Takanori's heart. 

 

He shook his head. “Nothing. Nothing is wrong. I just...wanted to tell you I love you. Yutaka, I love you so much.”

 

The smile that curved his boyfriend's lips blinded him and before he knew what was happening hands gripped his thighs and he was lifted up and suffocated by the deepest, most breathtaking kiss of his life.

 

“I love you too Taka. And I'm proud of you. Proud and admittedly turned on. Eh, sorry about that.” 

 

Takanori giggled, wiggling in Yutaka's grasp until he sat him back down and this time he just  _ couldn't  _ ignore how aroused his boyfriend was. Especially as he settled back onto his lap, that hot length rubbing against his ass. Surprisingly he still wasn't freaked out. Quite the opposite actually. He wound his arms around Yutaka's neck, looking up at rather innocently as he tested the waters, rolling his hips just a bit. He was getting rather turned on himself, and his cock seemed rather happy about being rubbed against his boyfriend's skin. 

 

“Oh fuck. Taka don't do that.”

 

“I'm not doing...anything.” He whispered, repeating the action again just to feel those hands tighten on his legs. 

 

“Let me taste you baby, please?” 

 

Takanori bit into his bottom lip. Was he ready for this? Maybe he could be…

 

“Okay, just...slow Yuta. I need slow.”

 

“You don't have to tell me Taka, I know. Come on, let me take you somewhere more comfortable first.” He said, lifting him up to sit on the edge of the jacuzzi before climbing out. Takanori still kept his gaze averted until his boyfriend had dried off, towel wrapped around him again. He could feel Yutaka's eyes on him though and turned to find him staring at him, eyes hazy with what could only be lust. Was it wrong that knowing he'd put that look on the others face fed his ego a little? 

 

“Your imagination was better than reality, wasn't it?” He scoffed, reaching for his shirt since he'd forgotten a towel but just as he had grabbed it something fluffy and white was put over his shoulders. He stood to find that Yutaka had covered him in a soft robe. 

 

“I knew you'd get cold quickly.” He whispered just behind his ear. “And no, reality is  _ so  _ much better than my imagination. Come with me.”

 

Takanori let himself be led by the hand into the living room area then pushed to sit down on the soft sofa. He watched curiously as Yutaka knelt down in front of him, hands untying the knot he'd made in his robes belt. 

 

“Yuta I'll be cold.” He whined quietly. 

 

“Don't worry. I'll keep you warm.” Came his cheeky reply. “Do you remember when we were at the cabin and I told you what I'd do to you? If you aren't okay with that, tell me now.”

 

What had he said he was going to d-  _ Ooooh. _ Takanori felt the heat rising all the way up from his toes as he remembered how vividly Yutaka had explained his start from the bottom ideas. In theory it all sounded so very good, but could he actually let him do it? He wanted to trust Yutaka more than anything but Takanori was still so afraid of the memories that may try to squeeze their way in to this moment with the man he loved. 

 

“I'm...okay. Just be gentle, 'kay? I don't like pain.”

 

Yutaka smiled, but his countenance was calm. “I would never purposely hurt you Takanori. In any way. You say the word and I will stop. And...if you can't speak it, then tap my shoulder twice and I'll know.”

 

That was the final nail in his coffin. Yutaka  _ understood _ . He knew Takanori's anxiety sometimes left him literal speechless and he gave him a way to handle it. 

 

“I- I will. Thank y- thank y....”

 

“Now that you can't do. Baby don't cry. Why are you crying?” Yutaka asked, lifting his hands up to frame Takanori's face. 

 

“I'm just happy.” 

 

Yutaka sat back again, shaking his head. “You're a basket case. You know that, right?” 

 

Takanori sniffed, breaking into a giggle fit. “But you love me anyway right?”

 

Yutaka pushed his hands into the opening of his robe, fingers tickling Takanori's sides. Two seconds later he was on his back, wiggling around trying to get those evil hands away from him all the while laughing so hard he could barely breathe. Thankfully his boyfriend took pity on him, hands coming to a halt on his hips, pushing him back up to sit on the sofa. 

 

“You're absolutely right. I love everything about you. Now stop distracting me.” 

 

Takanori tried to hold his robe together as Yutaka lifted his left leg, placing his ankle over his shoulder. He bit into his bottom lip a little more with every press of his boyfriend's lips to the skin of his leg. By the time Yutaka's teeth grazed the inside of his thigh, he had completely forgotten his own modesty, grabbing handfuls of soft brown hair. 

 

“Yutaka…” He whimpered, watching as little rosey bruises formed along his thigh. Yutaka was just so ...close. Through half lidded eyes as his attention starved cock rubbed against his boyfriend's cheek and he just about came unglued. “Yuta, please stop teasing.” 

 

“Teasing? I'm doing no such thing.” He replied with a smirk.

 

“Not teasing? None at all? Then you won't mind if I go on without you, right?” Takanori returned his smirk, pulling the halves of his robe apart and letting his hands travel down his own body until his fingers curled around his straining length. His eyes rolled shut as he stroked himself a few times, but they snapped back open as a tongue licked across the tip. Yutaka wasted no time swallowing him whole. 

 

“Fuck. Oh dammit. Fuck!” He cursed, watching those perfectly soft lips slide down his cock, hot tongue working the sides. How was he so good at this?! Takanori doubled over, arms clutching at his boyfriend's head as it bobbed up and down, quickly bringing him to the edge and then some. His breathing became laboured, his muscles contracting almost painfully. Honestly it was embarrassing but he was a moaning mess. All it took was the head of his cock hitting the back of Yutaka's throat for tears to spring back into his eyes and he was coming before he could warn him. Shiver after shiver ran throughout his body, his hips jerking, fingers yanking soft hair. When he could finally relax, he fell back against the sofa, chest heaving as he caught sight of Yutaka licking his lips, a grin on his face.

 

“I was right Taka. You do taste like heaven. Come here.” 

 

Takanori didn't protest as he was pulled into a tongue rich kiss. Had his stamina been any better he probably would have been turned on again from that kiss alone. He could taste himself on Yutaka's lips and it was surprisingly arousing. 

 

“Thank you.” He whispered when Yutaka finally pulled away, sitting back on his knees and pulling his robe back into place. 

 

“You're thanking me? Taka I think you've got this all backward.” He chuckled.

 

Takanori shook his head. “I don't. I mean it Yuta. Thank you for letting me be scared but helping me push past it anyway. You have no idea how much this meant to me. I never thought I'd be able to be with someone like this again.”

 

His boyfriend swallowed hard but didn't reply to any of what he said, instead, standing up and holding his hand out. “Let's get you to bed. You're starting to look tired again. I shouldn't have let this happen after you just got over a fever.”

 

“Yutaka I'm fine. But...what about you? I should...return the favor somehow.”

 

Yutaka frowned. “No. This was about helping you Taka. Letting you learn to trust me. I'll take care of myself once you're back in bed.”

 

True to his word, Yutaka tucked him into bed, kissing his cheek before taking a quick shower. Unfortunately Takanori was out like a light before the other even came to bed. 

  
  



	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally! I was beginning to think I'd never finish this one! Fair warning...sex is not easy for me to write so I'm sorry this is so short with so little detail. Anyway, I hope you all enjoy it!

It was almost over.

 

This was his last final for the semester. Once it was done grades would be posted by Friday and they would be free. Yutaka watched as Takanori moved around the hall, passing out their tests. He smiled at each student, wishing them luck, and it made Yutaka smile. His boyfriend was just too sweet sometimes. 

 

“I'm fairly sure most of you will have this test done in the first twenty minutes, but for those of you who need more time, I will be here the whole two hours.” Takanori said, leaning against the podium at the front of the room. “You can begin now!”

 

Yutaka rolled his eyes at his professor's enthusiasm and flipped his paper over. He was so ready to have this over with and fifteen minutes later he was looking over the paper to make sure everything was filled out. Takanori had really made it almost impossible for anyone to fail this. Yutaka was half afraid its simplicity was a trick, but he knew Takanori better than to assume something like that. After giving Akira’s shoulder a good luck squeeze and Kouyou a quick smile, Yutaka took his test to the front of the hall where Takanori was already grading a few of the papers that had been turned in ahead of him. He handed the paper to his professor, keeping his back to the part of the room where his friend’s were sitting. 

 

“Are we still on for tonight? I should be able to bail out of dinner by seven if that’s not too late.” He asked, voice barely more than a murmur. 

 

“Of course. Just let me know when you’re on the way, and...make sure you save room for dessert.” His boyfriend replied, eyes sparkling mischievously. What was he up to? 

 

“Whatever you’re planning...I will definitely be ready for.”

 

Takanori smirked. “I honestly don’t think you will be. I’ll see you later then.”

 

“Hm. Love you Taka.” 

 

He had to admit he secretly loved the way the other’s face would always light up when he said those words but figured his own did the same thing anytime Takanori said it too. 

 

“You too. Have a good vacation.” He said a little louder so the students near them could hear.

 

The farther he walked from the lecture hall towards his car, the more sour his mood became and Yutaka did nothing to try to turn it around. A celebratory dinner with his parents sounded a lot like having all of his nails ripped off. And he knew exactly why this dinner was happening too. They wanted to know what his plans were after graduation since he’d successfully kept them in the dark up until now. Unfortunately his plans were still very...open to change. He knew of course where he would be attending med school but now he had someone else to think about too, and he was sure his parents were not going to be thrilled with his decisions. 

___________

 

Halfway to the restaurant Kouyou called and made things even worse. 

 

“Hey baby.” His deep voice chirped as soon as Yutaka answered the call. “Where are you headed?”

 

Yutaka frowned. What kind of question was that? “To dinner with my parents. I guess to celebrate the end of the semester. Why?”

 

“Hm. No reason. I just couldn't remember which restaurant they'd decided on so I thought I'd follow you.”

 

Looking into his rearview mirror Yutaka wanted to scream. Sure enough the blond pulled up behind him at a stop light. “Wait. They invited you too?”

 

Kouyou chuckled. “Actually, I invited them. And you. My parents will be there too. I just wanted to sit down together and have a nice dinner while everyone was in town. Won't that be nice?” 

 

Yutaka took a second to think about swerving into oncoming traffic. Both of their parents would be there? This sounded like some kind of set up. He only hoped whatever the fuck it was wouldn't make him late getting to Takanori's apartment. 

 

“Yeah, it'll be great Kou. I'll see you there in a few minutes.” He replied, attempting in vain not to grind his molars together. Why was the world working against him right now? All he wanted was his boyfriend for fucks sake!

 

The restaurant of course was high end, Kouyou's only taste, and Yutaka hated it. He hated everything about this. After handing the valet his keys he quickly popped off a text to Takanori. 

 

<Yutaka>

Kouyou ambushed me. He's invited my parents, his parents. This is going to be horrible. And I'm already pissed off just because I'm not with you. I feel like just telling Kouyou at dinner that we're done. 

 

He was almost to the podium when his phone pinged and he ducked into the restrooms to check the message. Takanori had sent him a short video…

 

“Hey baby.” Takanori started talking. He looked like he'd just got out of the shower, wet hair sticking to his face and bare shoulders. “I thought maybe you could use a pick me up video. Whatever Kouyou has planned, just let it happen. It won't be too long then you'll be here with me. And I have a very special present for you. I have to go now though, I just got out of the shower. See?” The camera panned down a bit to show his boyfriend wrapped in a fluffy blue towel before moving back up. Fuck he was so cute. “I'll be waiting for you. I love you.”

 

Yutaka closed his eyes, holding his phone against his chest. He could do this. He just had to get through this dinner. 

 

Both of their parents were already seated when he was escorted to the table but Yutaka squared his shoulders and faced them.

 

“Yutaka, you made it.” His mother said, fake smile on her face. “Oh and Kouyou!”

 

Yutaka turned slightly to see the blond come up behind him, one arm wrapping around his waist. Of course she'd be more than happy to see him. 

 

“Hey baby.” Kouyou's honey sweet words made him sick to his stomach as he murmured the words Takanori had just minutes ago. Yutaka didn't bother replying, taking his seat across from his mother.

 

“One more semester left. Are you boys ready to be done with all of this?” Kouyou's father asked when the waiters had left them. 

 

Kouyou nodded, reaching for his hand beneath the table. “I know I am. I'm excited to take the next step in life. Aren't you Yutaka?”

 

The thought of what that 'next step’ meant for him left a genuine smile on his face. “I am.”

 

“And what exactly are your plans for the next step?” Leave it to his father to never beat around the bush. 

 

“Actually I've deci-”

 

“Hold on Yuta. Before you go any further I have a little announcement to make, is that okay?” 

 

Yutaka only nodded politely at Kouyou's interruption. The blond was fidgeting with his own fingers and he couldn't help but think that was odd. “Well, since we're going into our last bit of school I thought maybe it was time to start thinking about what I wanted after graduation. Obviously I will keep working but I mean on a more personal level. I think it's time for a change, and since Yutaka is attending medical school here in the city, I thought this is perfect timing for us both. So Yuta?” He asked, turning towards him. “What do you think? Do you wanna move in with me?”

 

Yutaka could feel the blood drain from his face. How could he just drop this question on him in front of their parents like this? How exactly was he supposed to tell his parents he was planning to move into his own apartment now? Anything he said would sound like he was pushing Kouyou away… And they were all staring at him so expectantly! All he wanted to do was scream that the only person he’d be moving in with was Takanori, but he couldn’t. They were far too close to this nightmare ending for him to be so selfish and ruin it. 

 

So instead he forced a convincing smile to his face. “Kou that’s...so nice of you, but this is just so sudden. Could you give me some time to think about it?”

 

He could see the disappointment in Kouyou’s eyes, but he didn’t voice it. “Sure. Of course. I guess I didn’t give you much warning did I? You think on it for awhile then if you want to move in we can start moving your things during the Christmas break.”

 

“That sounds like a good plan. I promise I’ll give you an answer soon.” Yutaka told him and technically he wasn’t lying, he would give Kouyou an answer, maybe just not the one he wanted.

 

The rest of the dinner went surprisingly...smooth. Their parents were so busy talking amongst themselves that they hardly paid any attention to them at all. Kouyou kept interjecting himself into the conversations, but Yutaka took the opportunity to continue daydreaming about his boyfriend. Just what kind of surprise did Takanori have for him? 

 

As the bell tower of a nearby church rang announced that it was now seven o'clock, Yutaka interrupted his father’s monologue about China. “Excuse me. Dad? I have another obligation tonight. May I leave?” He asked, hoping by being polite his mother wouldn’t fly off the handle at the thought of him leaving early. 

 

The man’s dark eyes narrowed for a moment before he nodded. “Of course. Do you plan on being home tonight? Your mother and I are leaving tomorrow afternoon. She’s decided to come back to Shanghai with me for a while.” 

 

The relief that washed through him left him feeling a bit guilty, but really they were to blame, not him. “I’m sorry. I will be home some time tomorrow morning so I will be there before you leave. Please enjoy the rest of your evening.” He made a show of leaning down to kiss Kouyou’s cheek and whispering a good night before finally taking his leave. 

 

The drive to his house seemed to take forever and he barely remembered to put the SUV in park before running to the house. He passed Braiden in the foyer but the driver just chuckled and walked outside. In his room he changed into black jeans and a red button up shirt, rolling the sleeves up his arms as he looked in the mirror. Really he needed a haircut but everytime he mentioned it Takanori would whine knowing full well Yutaka couldn’t deny him anything. So now it had grown past his shoulders. Over all, he looked okay so he grabbed a coat and headed outside. Braiden already had the limo warming up so he slid inside and the car started rolling along the circle drive. 

 

It took a whole ten minutes for Yutaka to stop daydreaming enough to realize they were headed the opposite direction of Takanori's apartment. 

 

“Braiden? Where are we going? I thought you were taking me to Takanori's?” He asked, leaning up through the partition window. 

 

“Ah. Mr. Matsumoto text me and left instruction for me to bring you to the school when you were ready to meet him. I'm sorry for going behind your back but he made me promise not to tell you anything. I'm sorry Sir.”

 

Yutaka scoffed. “It's okay. Taka does what he wants, when he wants. I guess he has an interesting surprise for me.”

 

Braiden was grinning now. “He sure does. Just you wait.”

 

And wait he did. Ten more minutes and they pulled up to the front drive of the school. He knew the door would be open, it always was on a private campus. After thanking Braiden he headed inside and down the hallway guessing that Takanori would want him to come to the lecture hall. Sure enough a small note hung on the outside of the door, as well as the purple mask Yutaka had worn for the ball. Why would he need this?

 

_ Prince Charming, _

_ Knock twice and enter the ball. I'll be waiting for you. _

_ Love, your princess in distress _

 

Yutaka grinned as he pocketed the note and slipped the mask on to his face. Like he was told, he knocked twice and heard classical music start to play from inside. He honestly felt giddy. This is how it should have been the night of the gala. 

 

Pushing the door open he looked around, spotting his 'date’ sitting up on the desk of the front row seats. 

 

Yutaka's heart stopped beating, his jaw practically hitting the ground. Takanori was wearing the costume from the ball. His hair was longer now, dark brown at the top but still blond at the bottom. He hadn't worn the hat either, but that wasn't what Yutaka's eyes focused on. No, it was the way Takanori held his skirt so it was pulled up enough to show he'd also forgone the black tights, legs completely bare to the top of those devilish boots. 

 

_ Fuuuuck.  _ He couldn't breathe. How was he allowed to look this good? And more importantly...why had he decided to wear tight jeans?!

 

Trying to control his breathing, Yutaka walked across the tile floor until he stood within reach of his boyfriend. “Excuse me.” He said sweetly, offering his hand as Takanori turned to look up at him from behind his black and white mask. “May I have the honor of escorting you to the dance floor?”

 

Takanori's dark red lips curved into an insatiable smile and he lifted one lace covered hand to place in his own, then scooted off the table. 

 

It was all Yutaka could do to stay upright as he pulled Takanori into his arms, taking his hand and placing the other on his lower back. A proper dance. Their first dance actually. And it was beautiful. They didn't need to speak. Words weren't important right now. Their gazes remained locked though, open for one another's exploration. Yutaka felt as he if could stay here forever. 

 

Takanori was the first to break the silence. “Thank you for coming tonight. I hope this wasn't disappointing.”

 

Yutaka was a bit distracted by the movement of those plush lips so it took his brain a moment to catch up. “I am certainly not disappointed. You look beautiful Taka. You literally rendered me speechless. Speechless and admittedly turned on.”

 

His boyfriend chuckled. “You really are just a horny college kid, aren't you? Well, maybe I can help you with that problem. Are you  _ up  _ for a little extra credit?”

 

_ Well I am now… _

 

“Hmm, for my favorite professor I think I could put in a little extra effort. I take you didn't completely hate what I did at the hotel the other night?”

 

“I didn't. But I was thinking we could do something different tonight.” 

 

Different? Now he was truly intrigued. But really he just wanted to kiss his boyfriend more than anything. 

 

“Taka, can I kiss you? Or will it ruin your lipstick?” 

 

Takanori pulled away from their embrace, walking over to his desk, and Yutaka had to wonder how the hell he walked in those boots. He watched as the other pulled makeup wipes out of his desk drawer and removed the dark red lipstick before coming back to him. 

 

“Now you can.” He grinned. 

 

Yutaka didn't hesitate, sealing their lips together as his fingers dug into Takanori's soft hair. He loved the way they fit together so perfectly. The way his boyfriend tilted his head back to meet his kiss, his hands coming up to rest on his chest. Truly he loved everything about this. 

 

Refusing to break from their lip lock, Yutaka stepped them backwards until he could lift Takanori up to sit on his desk, fitting himself between his legs like it was the only place he'd ever belonged. Takanori moaned into his mouth as he was set down and the sound was just too much for him to take. Somehow he managed to slip the suit coat from his shoulders, gently tossing it on to the podium nearby. The long heels of his boots were scraping at the back of Yutaka's legs but he didn't care, far too focused on untucking and unbuttoning. Once Takanori's shirt was free from the corset the halves fell open as if the very heavens had commanded it and Yutaka nuzzled his boyfriend's neck, fingers tracing every inch of exposed skin. 

 

The action left Takanori slightly off balance and he gasped harshly as he was leaned too far back. Yutaka pulled away, allowing him to sit back up. 

 

“Are you okay? Did I got too far?” He asked, noticing how flushed the others cheeks were already. 

 

Takanori shook his head. “No! No, I'm fine. I just...can we move into my office? I kind of set something up in there.” He answered almost shyly. How could he look so sexy but so adorable at the same time?

 

“Of course. Whatever you want Taka. Lead the way.”

 

His boyfriend smiled, slipping off the desk to grab his hand. Without another word he followed Takanori into his office only for his jaw to drop once again. He really had gone all out for this hadn't he? 

 

The room was dimly lit with candles all over the desks and cabinets giving it a hazy look and he'd pulled out the sofa bed, the mattress moved to the floor and heaped with blankets and pillows. Takanori had made them a nice little nest, but why here?

 

“You did all this for me? Why here though? Why the school?” He asked, hand rubbing up and down the other's back. 

 

Takanori was chewing on his bottom lip. “Oh um, well I just was trying to think of how that night of the ball  _ could  _ have gone and I wanted to...do it over. I think we deserve a second chance at this romantic night, right? And now that we're...closer, I wanted it to be something special. Do you like it? I know it's kind of stupid, isn't it?”

 

“It's not stupid at all Taka. I love it. And I love you.” He assured him, leaning down to kiss the top of his head. “Are you tired? Is that why you wanted to come in here? It's a little early, but I don't mind going to bed if you want too.”

 

“Uh, no. That's not wh- Just come here okay?” Takanori said, bending down to unzip his boots and pull off his socks. Yutaka took his cue and slipped his own shoes off too before following his boyfriend into their makeshift bed. 

 

He quickly found himself with a lap full of his beautiful temptress and once again let his hands wander over his soft skin, making sure to stay in the 'safe zone’. Sure they'd gone further back in Vegas but that didn't mean he expected Takanori to be okay with it all the time. 

 

“Can I take your shirt off? I won't go any further. I just want to touch you. Promise.” He whispered against the shell of Takanori's ear and was rewarded with a shiver running through the body in his arms. 

 

Takanori nodded, but pulled away from him for a moment. “Actually.” He started, face turned into his shoulder. His boyfriend was nervous but Yutaka didn't understand why. “Actually I would like it if you would go further. Push me again, please. I've...been doing a lot of thinking and I really liked what you did before.”

 

“I'm glad you did-”

 

“Let me finish Yuta.” He cut him off, suddenly turning those beautiful brown eyes on him. “I want more though. I'm ready for more. And I want...you. Would you show me how it is with someone you love?”

 

Yutaka was...stunned. All he could do was sit there and blink, staring up at his boyfriend with probably the most dumbfounded expression. Of all the things Takanori could have asked for, this was the least expected. Hell it hadn't even been in the  _ realm  _ of expected. And though he was of course thrilled that Takanori wanted to face his fears like this, a part of him wanted to say they needed to wait. He didn't want to seem too eager for this even though all he wanted to do was love his boyfriend in every way possible. 

 

“Takanori…” He swallowed thickly, trying to think of the right words to say. “I... understand that you wanted to make tonight special, but we don't have to do anything to make it that way. You've done enough already. I just wanted to kiss you a little more before falling asleep with you.”

 

A small smile curved his lips but Takanori was looking down again. “Thank you, Yuta, but this isn't just about tonight being special. This is about me finally feeling ready to give...everything I have to you. You're  _ my  _ one. And I want you to be the one to take away the bad memories and replace them with you and me.”

 

“Taka, you know I can't say no to you. But promise me you'll tell me if you want me to stop.”

 

Takanori smiled up at him. “Of course. I promise. Please just...touch me.” He pleaded, slipping his shirt off his arms and tossing it up on the sofa. 

 

_ But where should he even start? _

 

The hesitation must have been plain on his face because Takanori was wrapping his arms around himself, head tilting to the side as he studied him. “Yutaka? Are you okay?”

 

“Yeah, of course. I’m fine. I just… I guess I’m more nervous than I expected to be, and I don’t even know how to go about starting this.” He admitted and Takanori chuckled. 

 

“ _ You’re  _ nervous? You’ve done this before, there’s no reason to be nervous. Just do it like you have before.”

 

Yutaka shook his head. “No. It’s not that simple. This isn’t the same as the other times.”

 

“Why?”

 

“Because it’s  _ you.  _ I want to do this right. Like you said, to make new memories for both of us.”

 

Takanori didn’t tease him again, only sat there for a moment obviously lost in thought. About the time Yutaka decided that maybe this wasn’t the right time Takanori took his hands and placed them on his skirt covered knees. “I told you that I had another surprise for you. Why don’t you see if you can find it?”

 

Yutaka frowned, keeping his hands still on the slick material beneath his fingers. Sure, he’d seen his boyfriend naked before, but for some reason this seemed more intimate than that. He couldn’t see what he was doing, where he was touching, and part of him couldn’t believe Takanori was okay with this. Maybe the other truly was ready for this. He didn’t even seem nervous at all. 

 

“Can I ask for a strange favor before I do anything?” He asked, and Takanori nodded. “As much as I like seeing you naked, can you leave the skirt on? And the gloves? They’re just...incredibly sexy.”

 

Takanori smirked, gloved fingers slipping down to start unbuttoning his shirt. “It’s...kind of dirty, isn’t it?” He whispered, looking up at him through his lashes, and the mask only highlighted the lust in his eyes. “Just think of all the things you could do, having me in your lap wearing this skirt… what if we’d been at the party? People would have noticed you were missing, but maybe we wouldn’t have gone far. In the dark part of the hallway, you could have just picked me up, pushed me against the wall, and had me right the-”

 

“Taka stop. Please stop.” Yutaka all but whined, his fingers digging into that skirt as he pictured what his boyfriend said in his head. And Takanori had called  _ him  _ the pervert? Fuck. 

 

Yutaka moved his hands, lifting the hem of the skirt just enough to slide them underneath. Takanori’s eyes had closed, his head falling forward to rest against his shoulder. His skin was warm and just so soft that it took Yutaka far too long to realize the other hadn’t worn anything under the costume and his head reeled. He trailed up the outside of the heavenly thighs to slim hips before slipping around to cup that cute little ass that fit so perfectly in his palms. Takanori yelped as he was squeezed and Yutaka loved it. 

 

“I told you my hands would fit perfectly. Such a sweet little ass you have Taka. Fuck, I wanna see. Please baby? Can you stand up? I’m dying to see.” He said, impatient to get his mouth on all that skin. 

 

Takanori seemed to hesitate for a moment but eventually stood up, turning around as Yutaka held on to his hips. Once he was sure the other was stable, he began gathering the full skirt and pushing it up to the front. 

 

“Hold it up Taka.” He instructed, and Takanori held the skirt up around his waist. All the air in his lungs was forced out as his boyfriend's perky little backside came into his view. He was just so perfect. He'd always had a thing for legs, obviously with Kouyou, but Takanori was surely turning him into an ass man. 

 

“This is so awkward Yuta. Can I sit back down?” 

 

“Oh no. I'm nowhere near being done with you sweetheart. Bend forward a bit for me.” 

 

Takanori did as he asked and that's when every thought in his brain, ever rapid firing synapses, gave up the ghost, his entire mental process just shutting down completely. 

 

He'd found his boyfriend's 'surprise’.

 

For now though, he chose to ignore it. Instead he ran his hands up the back of his thighs, leaning forward to press kisses all over the soft, pale skin. Takanori shivered under his touches and before long he'd bent over completely, resting his hands on the edge of the sofa. It was the perfect position in Yutaka's opinion. 

 

He couldn't ignore his present any longer though, not with it on full display for his eyes to feast on. Knowing Takanori would be sensitive, Yutaka pushed his finger against the jeweled end of the little plug and listened to his boyfriend moan. Oh yeah, he'd had this in for awhile. Takanori had been so sure that he was ready for this and honestly watching the little toy move as his boyfriend's muscles flexed and relaxed almost had him cum without even touching himself. 

 

“Taka…” He whispered before leaning in to tug on the little end with his teeth. A full blown whine came from the other's throat, his thighs rubbing together unconsciously. “Can I take it out? Taka, can I take it out of you?”

 

“Y-yes. Please.” 

 

Yutaka reached between the other's legs, hand wrapping around his cock, and stroked him a few times as he pulled the small silver toy from his ass. It wasn't very big, only about three inches long, but still so damn hot. He smiled, feeling where precum had smeared all over the inside of Takanori's skirt. Just a little turned on, wasn't he? 

 

“Did it feel good? Having something inside you like that?”

 

Takanori nodded. “Want something more. Want you.”

 

“Be patient. We have all the time in the world now, don’t we?”

 

Takanori really didn’t seem to agree with that at all, mumbling something to himself, but he stayed in place nonetheless. Yutaka sucked his middle finger into his mouth, getting it good and wet before pressing it slowly into his boyfriend. Even after the toy he was still so tight and felt so good. 

 

“Ah! Yuta...be gentle please. I'm not going to last long enough if you do this.” 

 

Yutaka smirked, keeping a hand on Takanori's hip as he watched, fascinated by the way this felt. “Hmm. Well I can tell you there's something I'd rather have inside you than my finger anyway.” He told him, pulling his finger free. Before Takanori could reply, he palmed his ass, keeping him nice and open before licking a wet stripe over his entrance. 

 

Takanori squealed, pulling away from him until his knees were up on the sofa, and he looked back over his shoulder. “What are you doing? You can't just...do that!”

 

“Why? I'm assuming that shower you took earlier was to get all squeaky clean for me, so why can't I enjoy  _ all  _ of you? Why do you taste like honey?”

 

The blush that spread over his boyfriend's cheeks was adorable. “I- Um. The lube...is honey vanilla…” He trailed off, turning away again. 

 

Yutaka only chuckled. “You're so cute. Now can you stay like this? You won't have to try to stand up that way.”

 

The giggle that reached his ears left Yutaka unable to stop smiling. He was...overjoyed that Takanori was letting loose like this and just trusting him to make him feel good. And Yutaka planned to make him feel  _ very  _ good.

 

He made quick work of the rest of his shirt before moving closer to his boyfriend. Takanori still tensed but this time didn't pull away from Yutaka's persistent tongue. In fact, in this position, he was pushing his hips back to meet every invasion. Little moans and mewls filled the heavy air of the office and Takanori's hand came back to tangle in Yutaka's hair, urging him for  _ more, please more  _ and nails in his scalp was the only warning he got before the other's body convulsed. Takanori called his name to the ceiling and Yutaka slipped a finger back inside him just to feel how tight he became in the throws of an orgasm that completely soiled the inside of his skirt. 

 

The sofa was a perfect height for him to gently roll Takanori on to his back. His body was like putty in his hands, just the way he wanted. 

 

“Are you okay?” He asked, noticing the way Takanori's eyes were only half open but he was gasping for air. 

 

His boyfriend nodded. “I'm fine. Just fine. Need kisses.”

 

“Are you sure? I mean, I just-”

 

“Kisses  _ now _ .” 

 

Yutaka rolled his eyes at his whiny tone, but leaned over him to kiss those pouty lips. Takanori clung to him like a spider monkey, arms and legs wrapped around his torso, but it felt so good having him willingly be so close. Takanori kissed him like he was starving for it, stealing his breath away until his lungs burned but Yutaka didn't care. He really couldn't think of a better way to die. 

 

His breathing was ragged when they finally parted, trying to get enough air back into his body. “Taka...what- baby what do you want me to do? Why don't you just come back down here with me? You look so tired.”

 

Takanori shook his head almost violently. “I'm not. I'm really not. Come on, Yuta. Please keep going? I don't wanna stop. I can feel you. I know you don't wanna stop either. I'm ready Yutaka, I promise.”

 

He did seem so sure of himself…

 

“Okay baby. Okay. I just gotta g-”

 

“Let me help?” Takanori asked, but he was already sitting up, reaching for his belt. 

 

“Hold on a second Taka. I think I've changed my mind. Can I take off the rest of your clothes?” 

 

Takanori frowned, but nodded, untying the ribbons on the corset piece while Yutaka managed to get the zipper in the back of his skirt unzipped. Once he was sat back on the sofa his entire demeanor had changed though. No longer so confident. 

 

“Taka, we don't have to do this.” Yutaka reiterated, brushing his fingers back through his boyfriend's hair. 

 

“I'm just not a fan of being naked Yuta. A- and you still have all your clothes on. I'm nervous, not scared.”

 

“Oh, well I can help with part of that.” 

 

Takanori's eyes were dark as he watched him strip out of the rest of his clothes but he hesitated, thumbs hooked in the top of his boxers. “You're sure?”

 

“I am. Go ahead.”

 

He wasn't modest. Not at all, but standing there in front of Takanori, unable to hide just how much he wanted the other, Yutaka felt overexposed. He'd never wanted to put his clothes back on so badly. Yet when he finally looked up there was only appreciation in those roaming eyes. Takanori approved and that left him feeling calmer. 

 

“Yuta? I need to ask something kind of weird.” 

 

Yutaka took a moment and knelt back down in front of him, hands slipping back on to his knees. “Anything.”

 

Takanori's hands came to rest on top of his own. “Um...it's just...I trust you, but I don't trust myself not to flip out on you. So could I...could I be on top?”

 

What?! Yutaka had to force himself not to react to the inquiry. He knew what happened to Takanori must have been at the forefront of his mind right now, and the very fact that they were having this conversation told Yutaka how much the other was trusting him, but ...he'd never been on the receiving end of things before and wasn't sure he was ready for that. But on the other hand, didn't he owe it to Takanori to do whatever made him comfortable?

 

_ Fuck. Maybe I love him too much.  _

 

“Okay Take. We can do that.” He smiled, trying to reassure the other. “How uh, how do you want me?”

 

The relief on Takanori's face left Yutaka feeling a bit better about his decision. After all, his boyfriend was... proportionally sized. Maybe this wouldn't be so horrible. 

 

“Can you just lay on your back? I'll do the rest. At least for now.”

 

“Sure thing.” He answered with much more confidence than he was feeling. The blankets and pillows were soft though as he laid down. He only hoped Takanori knew what he was doing. He wasn't exactly experienced in this. 

 

Yutaka focused on breathing, trying to relax as he watched Takanori grab a small bottle from one of the cabinets. It must have been what he'd used earlier. Under his gaze, Takanori stepped over him, straddling his waist, and gently sitting down. Just like before in the jacuzzi his cute little ass was rubbing against his cock and Yutaka just about lost it. His boyfriend squeezed some of the lubricant into his hand before reaching behind himself. Yutaka had to admit he was confused when Takanori took the time to stroke him, coating him in the slippery liquid. 

 

“Taka? What are you doing?”

 

The other didn't answer, only raised up on his knees until his cock was pressed against that sweet ass. 

 

Ohhhhh this is what Takanori had meant by being on top?! Yutaka couldn't stop the relieved chuckle that fell from his lips and his boyfriend paused. 

 

“What's so funny?”

 

Yutaka shook his head, reaching out to help guide Takanori's hips. “Nothing baby. I just misunderstood. When you said you wanted to be on top...I thought you wanted to 'top’ me.”

 

“What?! No. I- I don't think I could do that. No no. I just need to have a bit of control right now.”

 

“Whatever you need Taka. Just go slow okay? I don't want to hurt you.” 

 

Takanori reached out for one of his hands, gripping it tight when he started to lower himself down. His eyes were closed tight but Yutaka couldn't shut his even if he wanted too. Takanori inhaled deeply and Yutaka felt that tight heat encase him.

 

“Sweetheart you have to relax or this is going to hurt you. Look at me. Can I touch you?”

 

“Y-yeah. Help.” He answered, a pleading look in his eyes. 

 

Yutaka sat up, slipping his hands under Takanori's thighs to help hold him up. Now that he was within reach, he started pressing kisses to his boyfriend's chest in an attempt to distract him. And it must have worked because he could feel the body in his arms start to relax and it wasn't until Takanori was settled against his hips that he pulled away to smile at his flushed face. 

 

“Doing okay?” He asked, brushing the hair out of his face. 

 

Takanori nodded, a little smile pulling at his lips. “It doesn't hurt much. Just feels weird. I didn't think I'd be able to take you. Can we just take a break for a moment?”

 

Yutaka chuckled. “You're feeding me ego now. It'll feel better, I promise. Whenever you're ready is fine.” He paused for a second, hands wrapping around Takanori's calves and pulling them forward so he was forced to sit fully. “You feel so good Taka. Better than anything I've ever felt.”

 

The blush that spread across the other's cheeks was beautiful, highlighting his cute little round face. “Don't say things like that. You're still so embarrassing.” He whined, shifting his hips and the friction pulled a moan from his throat. Yutaka was fairly sure he was about to pass out. 

 

“But...you love me, so it's okay, right?” He teased.

 

“Don't be so cocky.”

 

“Don't say cock.”

 

Takanori arched a brow at him. “Even if I'm talking about  _ your _ cock? About how  _ big _ you feel inside me? Fuck Yuta you just fill me right up.”

 

“Takanori stop. Please stop. I only have so much self control.”

 

“But baby you're  _ sooo  _ deep in my a-”

 

Before his boyfriend could even get out the last word, Yutaka took a hold of his hips and rolled him over onto the mattress, wasting no time in sealing their lips once more, devouring that smart mouth and the little moans it produced. He felt Takanori's manicured nails dig into his shoulders but he wasn't being pushed away. 

 

“Y-yuta! Oh fuck. Pl- please. Please do something…” Takanori whimpered as they parted, his heels pushing against Yutaka's lower back. 

 

“You want me to move? I'll go slow.”

 

“Yes. Yes. Move!”

 

Yutaka scoffed, kissing his boyfriend's forehead. “Okay, just calm down and relax.” 

 

Thankfully for once Takanori did as he was asked, his fingers now loosely threaded behind his neck. Yutaka took the time to bury his face in the crook of his neck, distracting him again with kisses as he slowly pulled his hips back. The heat that flared up his spine when he pushed forward again was borderline painful but felt so mind meltingly good. Never in all the times he’d been with Kouyou had he felt like this, and honestly Yutaka believed it had nothing to do with anything other than Takanori. This euphoric feeling was all because of him. He was his ‘one’ after all. 

 

“Taka...can we slow down for a minute? I think I worked myself up too much earlier.” He admitted once his boyfriend was relaxed. 

 

“I have a better idea. Why don’t you let me back on top and I’ll take care of you? I’m not gonna last much longer either Yuta and you’ve already done so much for me. Please?”

 

“I can’t say no to you.” Yutaka kissed him once more before moving away to lay down again and Takanori crawled on top of him, lower arms resting on his chest. He could literally just stay like this forever and be happy, but his boyfriend obviously had other ideas, grimacing as he took him back inside again. Maybe it was still uncomfortable in this position? Yutaka put his hands up so Takanori would have something to brace himself against and as soon as their fingers fit together, he started rolling his hips, trying to figure out the best way to move. Yutaka knew the moment he’d hit that sweet spot because he could see Takanori shiver, his head falling back with a gasp, and he lifted himself back up just a bit to do it again over and over. 

 

Yutaka was too distracted by the way one of Takanori’s hands dug into his own hair, and the shiny bit of sweat on his neck and chest, to realize just how close his boyfriend really was until he felt his ass squeezing around him so tightly and then he was stroking himself through it, painting lines up Yutaka’s stomach until he fell over against his chest, and he gripped Takanori tight as he hit that peak and released inside him. Takanori whined but only held on to him tighter. 

 

There just wasn’t enough air in the room for them both it seemed, their gasps and pants the only thing heard in the otherwise quiet office. Yutaka ran his fingers back through Takanori’s slightly damp hair, kissing his forehead before reaching over to pull a blanket over them both. 

 

“I’m...next time will be better. I promise.” He whispered. “I mean, not that I’m expecting a next time. I just meant-” He was cut off by a finger to his lips. 

 

Takanori nuzzled him, lips against his neck. “This was perfect. Stop thinking so much. Can you stay here with me tonight?”

 

Yutaka held on to the small body in his arms even closer. “Of course. Tonight and every night.”

  
  



	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this one was quick!! I really appreciate everyone's feedback 😊 so please feel free to criticize. This chapter is a bit shorter than the last but full. Please enjoy!

Something was tickling his nose, making him feel like he was about to sneeze. Takanori tried his best to ignore it, he was far too comfortable to be awakened by something so trivial. Whatever it was touching him was persistent though and eventually he opened his eyes, letting them grow accustomed to the low lit room. Yutaka’s hair seemed to be the culprit forcing him awake. 

 

Takanori smiled to himself, recalling the events of their night. Despite the soreness of his body, he honestly had never felt better in his life. And for the first time in as long as he could remember, he felt...free. Yutaka was pushing out all the voices and insecurities and somehow replacing them with these euphoric feelings of love and comfort. He'd never been so happy in his life.

 

“Baby ...Yuta…” He cooed, pressing his lips to his boyfriend's steady heartbeat. “You're going to be late if you don't wake up soon.”

 

“Five more minutes…” Was his grumbled reply that left Takanori giggling as he sat up, pulling the blanket with him to sit up on the sofa. Yutaka whined but at least he was awake now, and he came crawling up between his knees. Strong arms wrapped around his waist, head laid on his thigh. “You're mean in the morning, you know? Stealing my blanket. Stealing my little heater of a boyfriend from my side. Why do you hate me before eight in the morning?”

 

Takanori scoffed, rubbing his hands over Yutaka's bare shoulders. “I could never hate you. In fact, I plan to get all this cleaned up and go home so I can spend whatever is left of the day with you. I just don't want you to miss your parents leaving. They'll throw a fit. Besides, I need time to go take a shower anyway. I still can't believe you were going to let me fuck you. That's just insane. You must really love me huh?”

 

“I do. I’d do anything for you Taka.” He sounded so sleepy and cute it made Takanori’s heart swell. He could see them spending lazy mornings together like this once they were able to share a house. Just the thought of waking up next to Yutaka every morning made him giddy. But before any of that could happen he needed to see his parents out of the country and deal with Kouyou, so they really couldn’t afford to spend anymore time like this. 

 

“Hm. Then I need you to get up and get dressed. I gotta get this all cleaned up just in case someone decides they need in here today. Why don’t you bring that new video game you’ve been playing over this evening? I wouldn’t mind watching you play for awhile while I grade my last few papers.”

 

Yutaka grinned up at him, possibly the cutest thing he'd ever seen. “You're the best Taka. Really, I love you so damn much.”

 

Takanori's heart leapt in his chest. When exactly had he started living in a fairytale? Tears burned behind his eyes as he held his boyfriend's face in his palms. “I love you more than anything. Yutaka...I can't wait to live with you. To just...share my life with you. I know it's sappy and I'm overly emotional but dammit I wanna be with you forever. Do you understand me? Forever. I deserve to be happy and with you I am more than that. I'm going to spend the rest of my life making you happy too.”

 

“If…” Yutaka started, his hands coming up to grip his own. “Hold on.” 

 

Takanori was more than confused watching his boyfriend walk over to dig through his desk. He must have found what he was looking for because he had a triumphant looking expression on his face when he came back to knees between his knees again. 

 

“Baby, I know this is...sudden, but what would you say if...I asked you to marry me right now?” He said, holding up a small ring he'd made of a twist tie. “I mean, we don't have to  _ get married  _ right now, but...would you?”

 

Oh god.  _ Was he crying? Fuck. Definitely crying. _

 

“Y- Yutaka…” Did heart just stop? Holy fuck. What was he supposed to say? Wasn't this too soon? They'd only been together four mo- “Yes.” He blurted out, unable to stop smiling. “Yutaka I will marry you.” 

 

Yutaka's smile was impossibly bright, his eyes shining with unshed tears. “You will? You really will?!”

 

Takanori nodded, choking on a sob caught in his throat. Yutaka was on his feet, arms around his waist before he had time to react and he was lifted off the sofa. Takanori didn't even care that they were both still naked as he pressed his tear stained face into the crook of Yutaka's neck. He'd thought last night had been the happiest he had ever been but no, this moment was it. 

 

“I- I will get you a real ring as soon as I can Taka. Or do-” Yutaka took a deep breath. “Do you want to come with me to pick one out? God I can't believe you said yes! Do you even understand how happy I am right now?”

 

“I do. Trust me, I do. Don't worry about all that right now Yuta. I'm happy with this. I'll wear this for now, just in case you decide to change your mind. That way you won't have to ret-mm!” He was cut off by a kiss so searing hot Takanori felt like he was melting. 

 

“Stupid. I'll never change my mind.” Yutaka teased, kissing along his jaw as he laid him back on the sofa. He fit himself between his thighs and Takanori lift his hips, rubbing himself against his boyfriend. Fuck, he was so hot but they really didn't have time for this and...maybe he was too sore. 

 

“Yuta. Honey stop.” He said, placing his hands against the other’s shoulders and pushing until Yutaka looked up at him. “As much as I would love to continue this, I have to admit I'm pretty sore from last night, and you still need to go see your parents. Maybe we could continue this later?”

 

“Ah, yes. Of course. I didn't think about that. Are you okay? I didn't hurt you too much, did I? Fuck, I just fell asleep without even asking about you. Takanori I'm sorry.” He replied, pressing little kisses to his chest. 

 

He chuckled. “It's fine, really. We were both exhausted. You took good care of me. And you didn't hurt me at all Yuta. I'm just not used to having something so big hammering into my ass.” 

 

Yutaka actually snorted, giggling like an idiot. “Taka! Geez. Okay, okay. I'm gonna go. And tonight I'm going to do something special that I know you'll like.”

 

Takanori sat up when Yutaka got off the sofa, reaching for the blanket to cover up again. He watched, a dumbass look on his face, as Yutaka got dressed. His  _ fiance _ . That just sounded so good. 

 

“Hey Yuta? Do we have to have a big fancy wedding because of your family?” He asked, moving to grab the bag he'd packed his regular clothes into the night before. 

 

He was just buttoning his shirt back up. “Hmm. Not as far as I'm concerned. But honestly you know how I feel about my parents. I could give a fuck less whether they get to be at my wedding or now. Do you want to have an actual wedding? I wouldn't mind if we just elope. Travel to someplace beautiful and have the whole ceremony just for the two of us.”

 

“That actually sounds really nice. Though I wouldn't mind a small wedding. I think I'd like to have my parents there, but I don't want anything like what I'm sure your parents would find appropriate. Unless you do, then I'm sure we could compromise. The wedding isn't the important part anyway. I can't believe I'm even talking about a wedding! I never  _ ever  _ thought I'd be having a conversation like this.”

 

Yutaka grinned. “Well, if it makes you feel any better, I never thought I'd actually  _ want  _ to have this conversation. I knew that eventually I would end up marrying Kouyou and I wasn't looking forward to it. I guess at one point I wouldn't have minded but now? I don't want to spend the rest of my life with him. Only you. We can talk about this all later though. We've got plenty of time. Now, come give me a kiss so I can get this farewell over with and come back to my beautiful, sexy, fiance.”

 

“Flattery will get you everywhere.” He teased, raising up on his tiptoes for that kiss. “Be good. I'll see you after awhile.” Takanori wasn't even surprised when his ass was grabbed once more before Yutaka left the office and he heard the door to the lecture hall fall shut. 

 

Takanori took a moment to just...breathe. was this really happening? Had he  _ really _ just got engaged? He slapped a hand over his own mouth as he broke out in the weirdest fit of laughter. He just felt so happy. So excited. And maybe, just maybe, he threw himself on to their makeshift bed and buried his face in the pillow to scream because he just  _ couldn't  _ contain himself. 

 

It took him almost twenty minutes to pull himself together and get dressed, another ten to pick up the mattress and blankets. He'd just started gathering his candles when he heard a knock on the door to the hall. Had Yutaka forgotten something? His heart was far too excited to allow him to think rationally and that led him to pulling the door open without checking first. The sight of his visitor left him feeling nauseous.

 

“Takashima. What are you doing here?”

 

Kouyou smiled sweetly, stepping around him into the room. “Well I had an end of semester gift for you, but I went by your apartment and you weren't home. I figured here was really the only other place you would be. Awfully early in the morning though. Are you here grading tests?”

 

Takanori frowned. Kouyou knew where his apartment was? “Oh, yeah. That and I wanted to get things cleared out just in case they move my room next semester. You don't have to give me anything though, and I'm sure you have much more important things to do than track me down this morning.”

 

“Hmm, honestly it's a slow morning for me. And yes, actually, I did need to get you something. Here.” The tall blond held out an envelope to him and just looking at it made Takanori want to bolt out of the room. What could he possibly be gifting to him?

 

Hesitantly he took the envelope and opened it up. Inside was just a plane ticket? He frowned, holding up the boarding pass. It was a one way ticket back to Tokyo… “What is this? Why would you give me this?”

 

The smile faded from that pretty face. “Because I think I've been more than generous thus far, sharing my boyfriend with you for the past four months. The semester is over now though and I'm done pretending. I'm done dealing with you. I have a moving crew packing your apartment as we speak. Your things will be delivered to a storage unit I'm paying for until you find a place to live. Your flight leaves at six so I suggest you get a few things together soon so you won't be late-”

 

“I'm not going anywhere! You can't force me to leave!” Takanori snapped, his heart pounding loud in his ears. Kouyou had known all along? He knew...everything? “I love Yutaka more than you ever could. I won't just leave him without a fight.”

 

Kouyou scoffed, arms folding over his chest. “Fight all you want. It won't change anything. I've already given your letter of resignation to my father. He said you're a good teacher and he hates to lose you, but understands that you must miss your home. So now you have no job, no work visa, your only option is to fly on home. Unless of course you  _ want  _ me to explain to my father the real reason you're leaving? How you seduced a student?  _ My  _ boyfriend? How do you think that would go over Takanori? And what about Yutaka? If they dig and find out about his past he surely won't have much of a future. Are you willing to do that to him?”

 

Takanori could feel a few stray tears roll down his cheeks as the other spoke. This wasn't fair! He was willing to fight tooth and nail for Yutaka, but he knew Kouyou wasn't above hurting the man he supposedly loved for his own twisted satisfaction. Kouyou didn't love Yutaka, he only wanted to possess him, and there was nothing Takanori could do about it. 

 

Kouyou truly had played the game well. 

 

“Can I at least speak to him before I leave? Can't you at  _ least  _ give me that?” He all but begged as his body was wracked with pain he'd never known before. His heart was dying, crumbling to dust in his chest. How his legs were even holding him up was a mystery. 

 

“You can leave him a note or something like that. But Takanori, if you speak a word of this to him, I will ruin you. And if you try to make him follow you...well, I would hate to see your family lose what little they have. Don't miss that plane, Professor.” Kouyou smirked before the door was closing behind him and Takanori fell to his knees. 

 

_______________

 

_ Yutaka, _

__

_      I'm sure by now you've been to my apartment and realized I'm not there. You're probably confused, but more importantly, most likely, you're hurt. I just want a chance to explain because hurting you is the last thing I've ever wanted to do.  _

 

_     When we got back from Las Vegas I was doing a lot of thinking about you and me and how much I wanted our relationship to work. I truly did. Which is what last night was about. I wanted to leave you with something that I wasn't willing to give anyone else. But I found out a couple days ago that my mother isn't doing so well. She's not sick per say, just feeling as great lately. I feel like I need to be there with her. And...maybe I am a bit homesick too.  _

 

_    I know I should have told you, but I just wanted our last night together to be without sadness. This morning when you proposed to me...was the happiest moment of my entire life. I'm sorry that I mislead you. In that moment I couldn't think about anything other than wanting to be with you forever and that's why I said yes, not to hurt you.  _

 

_    You are a good man, Yuta, despite what you may think of yourself or what has happened in the past. Please continue on your path and keep doing good for other people like you have for me. Thank you for showing me that I do deserve to be loved and that I can love in return. There are no words in any language to properly express the extent of my feelings for you, I feel 'I love you’ just isn't enough, but it's all I have. I know that you will be sad for a while, as will I, but I hope that you can move on from this and find someone who isn't Kouyou that will treat you how you deserve, because to me, you deserve everything. Please don't allow yourself to get stuck with him Yutaka. You can do so much better than either of us. _

 

_      I love you more than anything in my world _

_               Takanori _

 

______________

 

Takanori wiped at his eyes, reading and re-reading over the unsent email. He knew Yutaka wasn't going to react well to this, but really what choice did he have other than lying to him? He couldn't tell him about Kouyou. It was the best he could think of. He only hoped Yutaka would be distressed enough not to think of calling his parents. He hated lying to him, but he hated lying to his mother even more and she believed he was only coming to visit. This whole situation was so fucked up. 

 

With one last deep breath he hit the send button then blocked Yutaka's emails as well as his phone number. It hurt so fucking bad, and he just couldn't stop crying even as the older grandma next to him on the plane reached over to pat his hand. Her touch was comforting but not the one he wanted. 

 

He spent most of the flight asleep thanks to a couple of sleeping pills he'd bought at the airport. The rest was spent staring at the twist tie on his finger wanting to throw himself off the plane. By the time he climbed on to the bust to get home Takanori realized even the city he loved so much was dull compared to how it had been when he left, but he figured that was more do to his hazy state of mind. 

 

His mother met him at the door with a smile that quickly faded as she took in her son's pathetic countenance and she pulled him inside, hugging him close. 

 

“My baby...what happened?” She whispered, one hand petting back his hair. 

 

“B- broke up…” Was all he was able to stutter out and she only held him tighter as he completely broke down. 

 

At some point later while he was helping his mother cook dinner, his father came home and immediately noticed the grey atmosphere that surrounded his wife and son. He hugged Takanori anyway, saying how happy he was to see him and Takanori promised he would tell them both what happened over dinner even though the thought made his insides roll. 

 

Once they'd finally settled at the table for dinner, Takanori pushed a piece of chicken around with his chopsticks but couldn't make himself eat anything. He was too upset. 

 

“Taka, why don't you tell us what happened? Maybe it'll make you feel better?” His mother suggested, her voice so soft it felt like being wrapped in a warm blanket. It didn't matter how old he was, no one could comfort him like her.

 

Takanori nodded, setting the chopsticks down. “Yeah. Yeah I think that's a good idea, but you guys have to promise not to blow up on me. I’ve made...a lot of bad decisions in the last year, and this one may have been the worst one. You see….Yutaka was my student. He was in my class this past semester and I fell for him so hard.” To their credit, neither of his parents reacted much, though he was sure he’d hear about it sooner or later. “But that was only the first mistake. The second was that he already had a boyfriend. And mama you have to understand, these people are rich. Super rich. He took me in a helicopter, rich. Yutaka’s boyfriend was the son of the dean of the college, and he found out. That’s why I’m here. I’m sorry I lied to you guys about visiting. Kouyou, the boyfriend, he threatened me to make me leave. I didn’t have a choice. He was going to turn us in to his father and I couldn’t let that happen. So...I’m here. I never even got to say goodbye to him. And...and he asked me to marry him…” 

 

That got his mother’s attention. Or maybe it wasn’t the admission so much as the sight of the tears streaming down his face. Either way, there was sympathy in her eyes. “Oh Taka...how could you get in so much trouble in so little time? Baby, this boy, was he the one?”

 

Takanori had to swallow a few times just to be able to speak. “He was. He was my one. But now I can't be with him so I need to move on. Would it be okay if I stayed here for just a little while? I promise I'll find a job in the next couple days. A-actually I have enough money for a hotel for...about a week, so after dinner I'll get out of your hair and cry somewhere else.”

 

“Excuse me?” His father finally spoke up, eyes narrowing on him. “You will not be going to a hotel. Takanori you may stay here as long as you need or want too.”

 

“I agree with your father. Sweetheart why don't you go lie down? I'll heat you up something later if you get hungry. We can talk about all of this more tomorrow.” His mother got up from the table and hugged him again. 

 

“Thank you. Both of you. I...yes, we'll talk more tomorrow. Good night.” His parents bid him goodnight and Takanori went down the hall to his old bedroom. He knew trying to sleep would be futile but he laid down anyway. He wasn't allowed even a moment to relax before memories flashed across his mind's eye. Tears gathered in his eyes when he opened them just to get rid of the images  behind his eyelids. 

 

Fuck. Takanori hadn't even  _begun_ to imagine just how badly he would miss Yutaka.

 


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo this one is a bit short but necessary. The next is....the last chapter!!!

Yutaka was exhausted. 

 

He’d been traveling for the past two months from place to place, all over the world doing research for his own hospital. His trip was soon coming to an end though. Honestly he had saved Japan for last not only because he’d wanted to spend more time here, but he’d also been hoping to find Takanori. No such luck though. Yutaka has scoured every school and college he could find but so far his ex hadn’t been working at any of them. And now he only had a handful of days left before leaving the country and any chance of finding Takanori behind. 

 

The first few months after Takanori’s disappearance had been admittedly hellish for him. Yutaka had been thankful for Christmas break from classes because he probably would have missed quite a few the first couple of weeks. Hell, he’d barely left his bed for the first week. He hadn’t been able to wrap his mind around why Takanori would just up and leave him, especially after the night they shared and agreeing to marry him. Yutaka knew the bit about his mother being sick was a lie, though he was shocked Takanori would use such an excuse. It hadn’t become clear to him until a few weeks later when Kouyou had come knocking, whining about how ‘the little freak was gone and now it was just the two of them again’. Yutaka had drug out every dark secret Kouyou had been keeping, including his intentions towards Takanori. Ultimately, even with the information Kouyou had begrudgingly given him, he was still unable to find his ex. 

 

After their fight Kouyou had slunk off into a corner to lick his wounds and of course Akira had been there to help. Yutaka wanted to stay angry at him, he truly did, but he knew Kouyou was messed up, and he honestly needed help. So he’d talked to Akira and they’d both convinced Kouyou to start therapy. To his surprise, it was actually helping too. Kouyou had even come to him one night in tears, begging Yutaka to forgive him for what he’d done to him and Takanori. Even agreed to help find him, but still no luck. Takanori didn’t want to be found.

 

Cold air rushed around him as the conbini doors automatically slid open before him. It was late July and the weather was still too warm to be enjoyable so the air conditioned store felt like a relief. An employee from the front of the store welcomed him and Yutaka nodded before looking for something quick for dinner and maybe a few beers. It had been a long day afterall and he had nowhere to be tomorrow. A little buzz wouldn’t hurt him. After gathering a few things and taking his wallet from his bag, Yutaka made his way to the front counter and placed everything down. Usually he would greet whoever was working with a smile, but honestly he was just too tired to do so tonight. So when he noticed that the employee wasn’t ringing up his little collection of items, Yutaka felt a bit put off and lifted his head to see what the hell the problem was. 

 

The problem was...Yutaka’s heart was breaking all over again. The poorly glued together pieces were crumbling to dust in his chest and he had to support himself on the counter to be able to stay standing as he looked into olive brown eyes he had grown to love so much. 

 

“Takanori.” He breathed out, afraid that the sound of his own voice would ruin this dream he found himself in. It had to be a dream because there was no way his beautiful little professor was standing here before him. And Takanori was looking just as dumbfounded, eyes wide as saucers, mouth hanging open like he was going to speak, but what the hell would he say?

 

“Taka, please say something so I know I’m not dreaming.” 

 

The other still looked like a deer caught in the headlights. “I- Um...D- Did you find everything okay sir?” He finally got out and Yutaka felt his empty cavity of his chest turn into a sucking black hole. Was he truly not even going to acknowledge him? 

 

“Come on, Takanori please don’t act like this. I’ve been trying to find you for so lo-”

 

“Your total is 880 yen, please.” Takanori said sternly, holding out his hand for the money which Yutaka took out of his wallet with a huff. He couldn’t believe this. He’d almost rather this whole ordeal be a dream than to be put off like this. 

 

He waited while Takanori took the money and put it in the register, but the other seemed to be procrastinating in handing him the receipt, taking it from the machine and writing on the back before finally giving it to him. 

 

“Have a good evening sir.” Was all he said before turning away to work on something behind him. What the actual hell was going on? Did Takanori really expect him to just leave? After five years of no contact he was supposed to simply walk out the door and move on with his life? With a curse under his breath, Yutaka crushed the receipt in his fist and left the store. Admittedly he was being immature, but Takanori had made him so angry. And what the hell had he written on the rec-

 

Yutaka dug the little piece of paper out of his pocket again and unfurled it, hoping he hadn’t ruined whatever the other had written there. 

 

_ I’m done in an hour. Please come back. _

 

The doctor stopped in his tracks. Takanori hadn’t been pushing him away or ignoring him. Honestly Yutaka wanted to cry with relief. He truly wouldn’t have been able to deal with finding Takanori after so long then being forced to just let him go like this. The fact that the conbini was only two blocks from the hotel he’d been staying at frustrated him though. They’d been so close. What if he’d never decided to stop? This had to be some kind of sign right?

 

And now he only had less than an hour to wait. 

 

____________________

 

He’d timed it just right. Yutaka hadn’t wanted to loiter around outside the store. The last thing he needed was to get arrested just before he could reunite with the love of his life. Surely Takanori wouldn’t ask him to come back just to tell him off, right? Fuck, he needed to stop thinking negatively. This was a good sign. Besides, no matter what Takanori decided there was no way Yutaka was going to walk away without a fight. He couldn’t lose him again. 

 

Half a block from the conbini, Yutaka caught sight of Takanori leaving the building. 

 

“Taka?” He called, grabbing the other’s attention. 

 

The older man turned towards him, eyes wide. Yutaka watched as his bottom lip trembled and he broke out into a run. Takanori collided with him so hard they both almost ended up on the sidewalk. Yutaka could feel him sobbing as he held on tight, burying his face into Takanori’s hair, inhaling his familiar scent. 

 

“You found me...He promised if you found me I’d be free ...and you’re here.”

 

Yutaka closed his eyes, hearing the pain in the other’s voice. He wanted to punch Kouyou all over again. 

 

“I’m...so sorry it took me so long Taka. I almost gave up and I’m so sorry.”

 

Takanori pulled away just enough to look up at him, a smile on his tear stained face. “Don’t apologize. Kouyou made it so you couldn’t find me. I would have given up too. But you’re here now. That’s what matters. Uh, will you walk with me? Please?”

 

“Of course. Anything you want.”

 

A small hand fit into his own and he fell into step with Takanori. Any hint of his earlier exhaustion had disappeared, replaced by a level of happiness he hadn’t known for the last five years. After all, this was some kind of miracle. Takanori was his own little miracle. 

 

“Tell me what’s been going on with you. Have you been doing okay here on your own? Why aren’t you teaching? Or is this just a side job? I’m sure it is because you love teaching. I looked through all the schools I could find though and never fou-”

 

“I’m not teaching.” Takanori interrupted him, a heavy sigh falling from his lips. “Kouyou… somehow he got me blackballed from every school that I tried to apply for when I got back to Japan. I uh, I’ve been fine though. I work full time here at the store and part time at a bookstore around the corner. Between the two I tutor some kids from the college. So I’m pretty busy. Actually I have to get going soon to job number two so let’s go this way.”

 

Something in Yutaka’s chest made him feel sick. This was not how Takanori should be living. He was a teacher, and a damn good one. Kouyou had taken that away from him. 

 

“But what about you, Yutaka? How have you been? What happened after I left?”

 

“Uh...well, I finished at Webley. Obviously. Then on to med school. My father surprised me when I graduated, he had built a hospital in upstate New York that I didn’t know about, and he gifted it to me. So suddenly I owned my own hospital. I’ve been traveling around to different places researching what I could do to make it a better facility. I...decided to come to Japan last in some hope that I could find you. What are you smiling about?”

 

Takanori shook his head. “Nothing. You’re just amazing. I knew you would be. I’m so proud of you Yutaka. Your own hospital?! Do you understand how big of a deal that is? You did even better than I expected.”

 

Yutaka wasn’t sure how to respond to that. His broken heart swelled with a sense of pride that only Takanori could make him feel and he instinctively leaned down to kiss those lips he’d missed so much, but just before they connected, Takanori pushed him gently away. 

 

“Why-”

 

“I can’t kiss you, Yutaka. I’m sorry, but...we aren’t together anymore. We broke up, and that was real. If my landlord finds out that I’ve been kissing other men he’ll be furious and I won’t have a place to stay. My- my parents don’t know how bad things have become. I refused to stay with them any longer so I moved out and I found this place to stay but my rent only stays cheap if I am...available in other ways. One of the parts of the deal is that I don’t date, or have any kind of sexual contact with anyone else.”

 

Yutaka shook his head, trying to wrap his mind around all that Takanori was saying. “Wait. Wait a second, Taka, he makes you sleep with him to pay your rent?”

 

The expression on Takanori’s face was completely stoic. “I do what I have to do. It’s just sex. I should never have made such a big deal out of it with you. That was stupid of me, but thank you for dealing with it anyway. So, how much longer will you be in town? We could meet for lunch or something? I can’t really afford to eat with you, but if you’re at the hospital then I would be more than happy to come sit with you and visit for awhile. Tomorrow I only work at the bookstore at three so I could meet you before then? I’m sorry to cut this short but I have to get to work. It was so good to see you, Yutaka. Really, I’m so happy that you’re doing well.” He said, reaching out to squeeze Yutaka’s hand. “I’ll come by the hospital tomorrow and find you since I don’t have a phone anymore. Have a good night.” 

 

Yutaka stood there stupidly, staring after Takanori’s retreating form as he waved and entered the store. Every bit of hope he’d been harboring in his chest had just been snuffed out like a candle trying to stay lit in the wind. He was standing right  _ there _ and Takanori hadn’t asked him for help. Why wouldn’t he ask for help? Why wouldn’t he just quit all these jobs and ask Yutaka to take him away? Takanori had to know that’s what Yutaka wanted. Tomorrow he would have to convince the other to leave with him. Tonight though he knew he wouldn’t be sleeping. How could he when he knew what Takanori was probably doing later that night just to pay his rent? He should have asked where he lived. He would have marched straight over there and kicked the creep’s ass. 

 

With a heavy feet, and an even heavier heart, Yutaka walked back to his hotel. Forgetting about his makeshift dinner, he plugged in his phone and called Akira. 

 

“Yuta? Hey buddy, how are you?”

 

“Aki...I- I found Takanori.”

 

Akira was silent for a moment before speaking. “Yuta, are you crying? What’s wrong? Is Taka with you?”

 

Yutaka shook his head even though he knew Akira couldn’t see him. “No. No, Aki and it’s so much worse than I could have imagined. I  _ have  _ to get him out of here. Can you please help me? I’m going to convince him to come back to the states with me. Can you make it happen legally?”

 

“Um, yeah, I should be able to, but it’ll be a few days. You’re still in Japan until Friday, right? I think I can have it done by then. Convince him though? What does that mean? Takanori loves you, why would he not agree to come back?”

 

“He…” Yutaka tried to think of the best way to explain without telling his friend the whole truth. Not everyone needed to know what Takanori had been doing. “I think he feels like I’m too good for him now. Akira he’s over here working three jobs and can barely afford his rent. I know you love Kouyou, but I really want to punch him in his stupid face right now.”

 

“I know Yutaka. I know. I’m not condoning what he did, you know that. But you know he’s been through the ringer. I will promise if you can get Takanori to come home with you, I will make sure Kouyou doesn’t get anywhere near him. That’s the only thing I can do right now.I’ll keep him away from you both.”

 

Yutaka rubbed his eyes with his hand. He guessed that really was all he could hope for. After all, he and Kouyou had come to terms with everything that had happened, but he hadn’t known how truly horrible the situation was. Was it possible for him to get past this now too? Maybe once Takanori was back home safe with him things would be different and he wouldn’t feel like murdering the blond. 

 

“Thank you Aki. I would appreciate that. At least for a while. I will try to calm down more once I know he’s coming back with me. I won’t do anything stupid. Let me know what you’re able to get done.”

 

“Will do man. Good luck.”

 

Yutaka ended the call, laying his phone on the charger. At least now he had a plan to save Takanori. That made him feel a bit better but it still took him half the night to fall asleep. 

 

____________________________

 

“ _ Doctor Tanabe, please report to the reception desk in the main lobby.” _

 

Yutaka listened as they called his name over the PA system. He’d received a call from Akira late in the morning that had boosted his mood, so when he saw Takanori standing to the side of the desk waiting for him, Yutaka didn’t feel so horrible. At least until he turned and flashed him that sweet smile, the one that made him feel warm from his toes to the top of his head. That was  _ his  _ Takanori. 

 

“Hey, you showed up. I’m glad.” He said, putting a hand to the other’s back and leading him towards the cafeteria. 

 

“Of course I did. I always do what I say I’m going to do. How has your day gone so far?...”

 

Takanori rattled on about his morning and some dream he’d had during the night as they moved through the room but Yutaka caught the way he was looking at the different food and his stomach twisted painfully. He knew what the answer would be, but he leaned down to Takanori’s ear anyway. 

 

“Let me buy you something to eat. I can tell you’re hungry.” He whispered, but Takanori just turned his face away. 

 

“My boss at the store is nice enough to let me take things home to eat after my shifts. I don’t need your charity.” 

 

“Taka, it’s not charity and you know it. You don’t work there today, you said so yourself. So when exactly are you going to eat?” He asked, grabbing the other’s arm before he could get away. 

 

Takanori turned to him, his face red from obvious embarrassment. “I work there again tomorrow morning, and I had a little left from last night. Stop worrying about me. I’m used to rationing. After a few years, you get used to not eating as much. Please just get your things so we can get out of here.”

 

“Fine. Go wait for me out there then.” Yutaka replied rather shortly. He couldn’t take hearing any more of this. Once Takanori had left he picked up a couple extra sandwiches and drinks, then put them in a bag. Takanori was sitting at one of the tables, seemingly interested in some little book he’d pulled out of his bag. It looked like a planner, but he put it away too quickly for Yutaka to tell what was written in it. Yeah, that wasn’t suspicious at all. “Here. Don’t you dare even try to tell me no. Just take it and do with it what you want.” He said, handing the bag to him. 

 

For a moment he thought Takanori would tell him off again but he only took the bag and put it into his own. “Thank you, Yuta. I’ll pay you back somehow.” He said quietly, but then his whole disposition changed when he finally looked up. “If you tell me where you’re staying, I can pay you back later tonight…”

 

And suddenly Yutaka wasn’t so hungry anymore. 

 

“I’m going to pretend you didn’t even say that. Taka, there’s something else I need to talk to you about. I um, I called Akira last night and he got back with me this morning. Kouyou told his father what he did, turning in your resignation. He told him about me and you and everything that happened. Mr. Takashima wanted to apologize to you in person, but obviously couldn’t. He said anytime you want to come back to teach, that there will be a place for you at the school. And Akira has also promised to keep Kouyou far away from you. So what do you say? Won’t you come back to the states with me?”

 

Takanori only stared at him for a moment before breaking out into a quiet laugh. “Are you serious right now Yutaka? No. No, I don’t want to go back to the states with you. I have three jobs here. I can't just quit. And I'm not uprooting my whole life again. I've been through that enough. I'm sorry. I appreciate what Akira did on my behalf, but the answer is no.”

 

“This isn't a life Taka. You don't deserve to love like this and you know it. Why would you even consider staying here? Unless you just don't-” Yutaka felt a shiver go through his entire body as he met Takanori's eyes again. “Unless it's me. You...don't want  _ me _ anymore, do you?”

 

The sympathetic look that stared across the table at him left Yutaka unable to breathe. He'd hit the nail right on the head hadn't he? It had been too many years and Yutaka had waited too long to find him. The years had obviously been harsh and maybe Takanori blamed him for part of it; maybe he should have. The love he'd held for him was gone, and maybe that's what Yutaka deserved for not trying harder. 

 

“It's...okay Takanori. It hurts like hell, I'll admit that, but you've obviously been through worse so I have no right to complain. I shouldn't have tried to plot your life for you. I'm sorry.”

 

Takanori's hand moved across the table as if to grab his own but stopped before they touched. “I'm so sorry Yutaka. I truly am. Don't blame yourself though. None of this is your fault. I think...I think I should go.” He said, picking up his bag as he stood up. “Thank you for the food. I appreciate that more than you know. Please be safe okay? It really was so good to see you.” 

 

“Please try to take care of yourself Takanori.” Was all he was able to say as he watched the other leave. It was like having his heart ripped out all over again. 


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is it! The last chapter. For all of you who have stuck around THANK YOU!!!! I've thought about doing an epilogue chapter for this fic and I might still sometime later on so I'll let everyone know when I start that but for now this is the end of the original story line. I hope you enjoy!!
> 
> WARNING  
> Slight warning for depictions of suicide.

“Matsumoto...Takanori, you have to wake up.”

 

Takanori groaned, pulling himself out of a deep haze of sleep. His mind wasn't processing right. He couldn't figure out why he shouldn't be asleep until his cloudy eyes fell on Rina, his boss. Why was she in his apartment…

 

Oh no. 

 

Reality shocked him sober and Takanori sat straight up in his chair, panic clear in his eyes. Sure enough he was still sitting at the small table in the middle of the bookstore. He'd only sat down for a ten minute break! How long had he been sitting here??

 

Rina-san.” He said, quickly standing up and almost knocking over his chair in the process. “I- I am so sorry. I didn't mean to fall asleep. However long I was here, I will work past my time. Without pay of course. 

 

Rina narrowed her dark eyes. She wasn't too much older than himself. Maybe pushing forty. But she had always been so kind to him and now he had disrespected her by falling asleep on his job. 

 

“Taka-chan, when was the last time you got a good night's sleep?” She asked, pushing him to sit once again. 

 

“Um...a few nights ago maybe? I slept during the day anyway. I picked up extra hours at the store and it's just taking me a few days to adjust. I swear this won't happen again. Please, I  _ need  _ this job.” 

 

“I'm not going to fire you.” Rina chuckled and Takanori let out a shaky breath of relief. “But I want you to go home Taka. You need to rest. Today and tomorrow. Do not come here.”

 

Takanori shook his head. “Thank you, but no. I will stay and work. I have too.” Before he could argue any further, Rina was shoving a handful of bills into the pocket of his apron. 

 

“Consider a cash advance on your paycheck. Go get something healthy to eat and go to bed. Promise me you will?”

 

He couldn’t answer, a sob choking off anything he could say. Takanori simply nodded, getting up from the table and going to get his jacket. He’d pick something cheap to fill his hungry stomach then bring the rest of the money back to Rina, then he’d pay her back the rest once he got paid again. Her kindness was appreciated and he would make sure she knew that. 

 

Takanori left the store and stopped at a ramen place along the way before finally making it to his apartment complex. Rina had been right, he was exhausted and wanted nothing more than to crawl into his poor excuse for a bed and sleep for the next twenty-four hours. Fate though seemed to have other plans for him if his landlord standing by his door was any indication.

 

“Matsumoto, you’re finally home. Isn’t it a bit early?” 

 

He stopped in his tracks, unwilling to go any closer to the man. He knew the look in his eyes and what it meant and Takanori was just so  _ tired.  _ When would he ever catch a break?

 

“I was sent home on account of being ill. Please, let me rest.” 

 

The look of sympathy on the other man’s face made Takanori’s skin crawl it was so fake. “I’m sorry you aren’t feeling well, but you haven’t paid your rent properly in a few weeks. You’ve been working too much.”

 

“I have too!” Takanori snarled at him. “I had to pick up extra shifts to be able to pay.”

 

His landlord rolled his eyes. “You’re being overdramatic. We had a deal and you aren’t keeping up your end of it. And come to think of it, I think it’s time to raise your rent again. The building needs repairs after all. An extra hundred shouldn’t be too much for you, right?”

 

Takanori felt like he was about to throw up right there on the sidewalk. He couldn’t afford the payment now, if it was raised he was going to end up on the street. 

 

His eyes must have shown just how terrified he was because the other man was smirking again. “I knew we could come to an agreement. Now, go upstairs and get yourself cleaned up. I’ll be looking in on you in about an hour. You better be ready.” He said before turning to go back into his own apartment. 

 

What the hell was he supposed to do now? 

 

Tears were already rolling down his cheeks as Takanori sat his bag and jacket down by the front door after taking off his shoes. This was too much.  _ All  _ of this was too much. He couldn’t care less that his hour of freedom was slipping away. Takanori curled up in his pile of blankets on his futon and just let himself cry. Memories flashed across the forefront of his mind. Scenes from the not so distant past. Of his classroom during discussions. Of sitting in Yutaka’s lap while the other tried to teach him how to play some war game. Of Kazuki yanking him headfirst into a pool in Vegas as people around them cheered. Of Yutaka’s eyes lighting up when Takanori had agreed to marry him….

 

Takanori reached into his shirt and pulled out the leather string that held the twist tie ring. This wasn’t how life was supposed to go. He should have been married by now. Living happily, teaching, and being there when his husband came home. Why had Kouyou needed so badly to take away his happiness? It felt as if his very soul had been ripped apart and the shreds had disintegrated. Seeing Yutaka a few days before had been the first time in years he’d felt  _ anything,  _ and Takanori had ruined that, allowing the other to believe he was no longer loved. What a lie that was! Not a day had gone by since he’d left that Yutaka wasn’t a thought in his head. He’d wanted to say yes so badly. To just pick up everything and let Yutaka take him home, but he couldn’t. The person he had become over the last five years was not someone worthy of being with the doctor. Not that he ever had been, but he’d at least been respectable. Now though? There was nothing left for him. It was better that Yutaka was hurt now and could get over it. 

 

And Takanori could simply continue on as the shell of the man he used to be. Hell, when he looked in the cracked mirror of his bathroom, he didn’t even recognise the hollow gaze that greeted him. 

 

_ Soulless. _

 

That was the only word that came to mind when he tried to describe himself now. Maybe after everything this life was what he truly deserved, but it wasn’t what he wanted. He wanted to be with his family, to make them proud. He wanted Yutaka, to be the person he deserved. But most of all, he wanted this to end. It was just too much to hold on his shoulders anymore. 

 

Takanori drug himself up from his bed and into the bathroom. Inside the only drawer that actually worked, he found a bottle of pills. They weren’t prescription; he’d bought them from a guy he’d bumped into at the store. He’d just been looking for something to help him sleep after...he paid rent, but everything had been too expensive. The guy had taken a liking to how he looked though and after spending an hour or so in the back of his car, Takanori had taken home a bottle of the little pills. He still wasn’t sure what the hell they were, but he knew half of one knocked his ass out. Maybe if his landlord couldn’t wake him up, he’d leave him alone for the night. At the very least, maybe he’d sleep through whatever form of payment was due. 

 

Grabbing a plastic cup he filled it with water from the rusted tap and went back to his bed. After swallowing the half of pill, he’d planned to just lay down and let it work its magic but the sight of the other pills nestled in the bottom of the bottle caught his attention. Maybe this was the sign he’d been looking for...a way to change everything. Before he could get his exhausted mind and weary heart to think clearly, Takanori swallowed the remaining pills and laid back on his pillow. Sleep. He needed sleep. 

 

___________________

 

The first time he woke up Takanori heard unfamiliar noises around him and his throat was scratchy, but he couldn’t get his eyes to open. It was as if he was in between conscious and unconscious. A stray tear rolled from his closed eyes when his imagination played tricks on him, Yutaka’s sweet voice playing in the background of his mind. Maybe he’d descended into hell after all. 

 

The second time he was so sure he’d somehow ascended to Heaven. His throat still ached but his eyes were open and he could see Yutaka and his mother talking, laughing with one another. This would be a good place to stay. 

 

The third time Takanori woke up he was quick to realize he was stuck somewhere between Heaven and hell. He was still alive? And the pain in his throat was from a tube probably pushing air into his lungs. How long had he been out? How had he even got to the hospital? His eyes roamed over the room, sterile and uninviting, but no one else was there with him. Where were the nurses? Would they come and check on him? 

 

Just as he was beginning to truly panic and attempt to rip the tube from his mouth, the door opened and Takanori’s entire body stilled save for his eyes that he knew must have been wide as saucers. 

 

“Takanori, you’re finally awake.” Yutaka smiled at him, moving to his side. “I’m going to remove the breathing tube okay? Give me a few good coughs once it’s out.” 

 

He nodded his head and Yutaka pulled the horrid thing from his throat. Whether he’d wanted to do as Yutaka instructed or not, Takanori felt his throat burn and he coughed until it felt like his chest would explode. His eyes were watering now as he tried to breathe and Yutaka was right there, a comforting hand running through his hair. 

 

“I know it’s horrible. Just try to breathe ...there you go.” He murmured, helping Takanori rest back against his pillow when he’d finally stopped trying to cough up his lungs. 

 

“Yut- Yu- Why….?” He tried to get out but ever breath of air made him cough more. 

 

Yutaka seemed to understand though, sitting down beside his bed. “Your landlord, he's a dick by the way, called 911. They pumped your system clean but you were on the verge Taka. We almost lost you. That was four days ago. I got your address from the EMTs and packed your few things up. Your mother has everything now. She's been here too but I sent her home to rest. I also tried to be an adult but that asshole was going on and on about how his night was ruined because of you and I just...had to punch his stupid face.”

 

Takanori couldn’t help but offer Yutaka a tired smile. He wished he could have seen him punch that slimy bastard. Although the thought of his parents knowing what happened put quite a damper on his good mood. 

 

“P- my parents?”

 

“I didn’t tell them everything. It wasn’t my place to do so. They know you overdosed, but nothing else. You’ll have to tell them the rest.”

 

Takanori let his head fall back against his pillow. That was not a conversation he was looking forward to. “They’ll never let me out of the- out of the house again.”

 

“Can you blame them? Taka, do you have any idea-” Yutaka stopped, taking a deep breath. “I’m going to get you some water and let your doctor know you’re awake. Then you’re going to tell me what happened. Got it?”

 

Takanori couldn’t help but smirk at the tone in the other’s voice. “I like it when you’re bossy.”

 

Yutaka only shook his head before leaving the room. The smile slipped from his face as the door closed behind the doctor. His heart twisted painfully in his chest, but Takanori knew it was all because of Yutaka. If he wasn’t here as his doctor, then why was he here at all? Why had he gone to his apartment? Contacted his parents? He didn’t have to do any of those things. Especially after Takanori had led him to believe he no longer loved him. 

 

The water helped with his scratchy throat, and the doctor came in shortly after. He informed Takanori that a 72 hour stay was required for all suicide risk patients, and didn’t argue when Yutaka said he would stay as Takanori’s watch nurse.

 

“You didn’t have to do that. I’m sure they have nurses on staff for this kind of thing.”

 

Yutaka shrugged. “I’m more than capable, and I want to do this. Unless you really dislike me so much that you want a stranger to stay with you instead.”

 

“No!” He shouted, surprising them both. “No, I want you here. I just...isn’t very fair to you. Haven’t I put you through enough?”

 

“We’ll get to that later. For now, tell me what happened at your apartment. Why’d you take those pills Taka?” He asked, once again taking a seat beside him. 

 

Takanori slid down further in bed, pulling the covers up higher on his chest. He didn’t want to do this. If he told Yutaka everything then the other would look at him with disappointment. Could he handle that? Did he really have a choice? It wasn’t like Yutaka was going to let him off the hook so easily. But he did sigh. 

 

“Taka...look, I know you don’t want to talk about this, and honestly I don’t want to hear it either, but I need to know, your doctor needs to know, so they can assess how much of a risk you are and how to help you. I promise I’m not angry. No matter what you tell me, I won’t be mad. Despite our conversation earlier, I still care about you. Let me be here for you now, you won’t have to deal with me for much longer. Please?”

 

God...he had to tell him the truth. If Yutaka still loved him, even now, then Takanori owed him the  _ whole _ truth. 

 

“Okay. Okay, Yuta. I’ll tell you.” He finally said, sitting back up and acting like the adult he was. “So yesterday- well, the other day, I ended up here, I was working at the bookstore and my boss sent me home because I fell asleep during my break. She sent me home to rest for a couple days. And  _ that  _ was my plan, honestly, but my landlord was waiting for me. He said he was going to raise my rent because I wasn’t ‘paying’ my dues. He...gave me time to get ready for- for me to make the payment. I was so tired Yuta. I thought, maybe I could just sleep through it, I had before. But I was holding the pills after I took the first half of one, and I was just done. With everything. And I- I missed you  _ so  _ much, but I know I don’t deserve you, I never did. So I pushed you away, and it hurt so damn bad. I only wanted to sleep for awhile. For the world to go away for awhile. That’s all I could think about. I only wanted to sleep. I didn’t want to die. At least...I didn’t think I wanted that.”

 

Yutaka stood up then, lowering the railing on the side of the bed. “May I?”

 

Takanori nodded and managed to scoot over just a bit so Yutaka had more room to crawl in beside him. Once they were settled, Takanori reached out to slip his hands into Yutaka’s much larger one. 

 

“I will let your doctor know this wasn’t something you’d been thinking about. If it wasn’t premeditated then you’ll be better off. But Taka...I could have helped you the other day and avoided all of this. I don't want to yell at you or berate you but we've talked about this before. You're absolutely right, you don't deserve me. You deserve so much better, but you know what Takanori? You make me want to be better. Until I met you...I didn't even care that I had done so many horrible things. I want to continue bettering myself to deserve you.”

 

“Yutaka be realistic. I was honest with you. I told you what's been going on with me the last few years. You really think that a piece of shit like me is still worth your ti-”

 

“If you finish that sentence I'm going to knock you out myself. I don't care. I wouldn't be here if any of that meant you were any less to me.” Yutaka squeezed his hand almost to the point of pain. “Will you please stop this self deprecating attitude? Just fucking stop. Get over yourself and let me love you? Let me take you away from this hell you've been living in and  _ let me love you. _ ”

 

Takanori kept still for a moment. An overwhelming sense of exhaustion swept through him again. Just like it had back at his apartment. This time though, Yutaka was his drug of choice. Turning a bit in the bed, he tangled his fingers in Yutaka's hair and yanked him down. Their lips met and it wasn't sweet, but desperate. Because that's exactly what Takanori was. Desperate. There was nothing more he wanted than the man beside him. So he was going to follow orders for once and let Yutaka love him. 

 

He moved, trying to push Yutaka back but the sensors still hooked to his arms wouldn't let him go far and he ended up just letting out a frustrated groan. 

 

“We'll get these all taken off. But you really should lay still and rest. We can continue this once you're discharged if you want.” Yutaka chuckled, slipping out of bed. 

 

“I'm glad you're here Yuta. I'm so happy you found me.” Takanori blurted out as he reached out for the other's hand. 

 

Yutaka gave him a smile and took his hand, but his eyes were sad. “I just wish I had grabbed you and forced you to come with me the first night I found you. This all could have been avoided. But...you're here now with me and- you're not going to leave me again, right?”

 

“Never again. I promise.”

 

_____________

 

Four days later Takanori truly was in Heaven. The living room of his parent's house was dark, only the lamp beside his father's chair illuminating the space while he read. His mother was watching her favorite crime show on the television, a glass of wine balanced on her knee. Takanori took a deep breath, brushing his thumbs back and forth over the back of Yutaka's hand where it lay in his lap. 

 

When he'd been discharged from the hospital Yutaka had brought him to his parent's and Takanori had walked through the door expecting a thorough tongue lashing from his mother or at least a stern talking to from his father, but neither came. Tears rolled down his mother's cheeks as she hugged him so tight he'd begun to wonder if his lungs would ever work again. Then she had gone about the day like it was any other. Yutaka had informed him later that he had explained that he wasn't suicidal really and he'd been coerced into telling his parents the truth about the last few years, leaving our the sex parts anyway. And now? Now Takanori just felt incredibly content. 

 

Forcing his eyes to stay open, Takanori looked up at his boyfriend who had fallen asleep, his head rested against the back of the sofa. He looked so relaxed, lips barely parted as he breathed, and Takanori could help but lean up and kiss those soft lips. Yutaka responded after a moment, pressing back against him and a small moan slipped past his lips when the doctor's tongue invaded his mouth. 

 

“Excuse me. The only moans I want to be hearing are from the people being murdered on the TV. Take it upstairs why don't you?” 

 

Yutaka pulled away from him so fast Takanori thought he'd fall off the sofa. “Matsumoto-san, I am so sorry. I wasn-”

 

Takanori's mother laughed, a snorty sound just like her son. “It's alright Yutaka. Nothing to be sorry for. You two have been apart for five years. I'm surprised you've kept your hands off each other this long. Why don't you and Taka go back to your hotel for the night so you can have some time alone?”

 

The blush on Yutaka's face was too cute, but he shook his head. “Oh no. No it's fine. That's...we- oh hell.” He stuttered, his face so red Takanori couldn't help but laugh along with his parents. “I actually should be heading back to the hotel for the night. If...Takanori decided to come back home with me, then there's only a few days left. He should spend them with you guys. I'll stop by day after tomorrow if you've made a decision by then Taka.”

 

“What? Yutaka, I already said I'd go with you. But you can come tomorrow.” 

 

His mother stood up then too. “I appreciate what you're doing Yutaka. I will never say no to spending time with my son, but he's right, you are welcome here tomorrow too. Come for breakfast. I'll make up some of Taka's favorite peach pancakes.”

 

Yutaka thanked her before Takanori led him to the front door. “You're too sweet, you know that? My parents love you almost as much as I do. Especially my mom. A-and thank you for helping me through this all with them. I wish I was coming with you tonight though.” 

 

Warm fingers caressed his cheek and Takanori closed his eyes. “I know. I wish you were too, but you need to be here. We'll leave for the states in three days. Spend them with your family. You and I will have all the time in the world once we're home.”

 

“Okay. Okay I'll do as you ask. Come here though.” Takanori slipped his arms around Yutaka's waist, leaning his cheek against the doctor's chest. “I can't wait to leave with you. I want to get my life back together.”

 

Yutaka held him tight, pressing kisses into his hair. “And I promise I'm going to help you do that. Try to get some rest tonight and I'll see you in the morning, okay?”

 

“I'll be here. Probably still asleep. So you'll have to come and wake me up.” Takanori teased, going up on his tiptoes to kiss him once more. 

 

His boyfriend chuckled, giving him one last kiss to his forehead. “I'll wake you up, Sleeping Beauty. Have sweet dreams Taka.”

 

They said their goodbyes and though it was obvious neither of them wanted to let go, Takanori shut the door and leaned back against it for a moment. It was surreal to him that he would be leaving the country again soon. He'd truly never believed things would change for him but Yutaka had saved him and in three days time he would be on his way to start again. This time he wouldn't screw it up. They'd get their happy ever after because Takanori wasn't going to let anyone push him around again. By some miracle he had the man he loved back in his life and he'd be damned if he wouldn't make things different this time around.


End file.
